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October 2011 Moms
missyishere
member
Support for a non-believer?
missyishere
member
My husband and I are atheist, but it's hard finding support of other families who face being on the outside. I just want to know (without any believers) if there are any other non-believing families out there. Does your family/friends know your beliefs? How do (or how have you) plan to raise your child(ren)?
Parenting Floozie Brigades official motto: We welcome to you the board with open legs. Also, open beers. ~@cinemagoddess
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Re: Support for a non-believer?
My H and I are both pretty much atheists. If his family believes in god, they don't talk about it, and they don't go to church. My family is divided on religion. My sister and her husband are Catholics, my other sister and her husband are evangelicals (although I'm not sure how much my sister buys into it and how much is just to please her H). My mom and my brother are atheists. Honestly, it just doesn't come up very much. My sisters know better than to try to convince us, and vice versa.
I do not plan to raise my children with religion. It's not necessary to have religion to instill values.. If she asks me questions about god, I'll try to frame my beliefs in an age appropriate way, just like I would on any other subject. I'd explain that while I believe A, other people believe B, and that's okay. When she's older, I won't stand in her way if she's curious about religion. I really hope I don't end up with a Bible thumper, but what can you do?
Thank you for your honest answer. I have a 9 year old step-daughter, so we have come to the point of having to explain things. She is a very logical, intelligent child, so there is no beating around the bush for her. We've explained how we believe in science and the general idea of what the bible says. She has, of course, been taught very well the difference in right/wrong without having religion to tell her so. I was raised Catholic, so I do have an understanding of Christianity. My struggle comes from how unacceptable atheism is and how we celebrate holidays, such as Xmas, without recognizing it as relgious.
I'm lucky that I live in an area of the country where religion isn't as publicly expressed as it seems to be in other places. It's not common for people I'm just getting to know to assume I'm religious or to ask me where I go to church.
My family always celebrated Christmas, but my parents didn't stress the Jesus part. Not very much of the way that Americans really celebrate Christmas has much to do with Jesus anyway. Most of the rituals (the tree, gifts, the food, Santa, being together, etc.) don't have very much religious meaning. At least they didn't in my house, and that certainly didn't make Christmas any less warm or meaningful. We did everything that other people did during Christmas except go to church, really. I will continue to celebrate Christmas because I think the traditions and memories that come with it are important for kids, even if they don't carry religious meaning. I think it's important to have rituals that solemnify our lives, and that doesn't change for me just because god isn't part of it.
We are atheist. My family is Catholic and my immediate family likely knows I am somewhere agnostic-athiest, I'm fairly outspoken but try not to piss off my family. DH's family, on the other hand, is crazy religious in a Lutheran way (ha, so it's still tempered) e.g. DH recieved a daily prayer book for christmas from his father who just asked him to read it daily.... DH does not want to alienate his family so they have NEVER talked about it.
Recently DH was looking into what other types of "groups" are in the area, and there is a "humanist" group that gets together for hikes and the likes, which is great but not so much for our current station in life -- I don't really want to wake up at the crack of dawn to hike w/ 2 kids on someone else's schedule-- but perhaps in a few years we'll look into it again.
We will raise the kids knowing there are religions out there but that we don't feel that there is a need for a "spirit" figure to explain anything be it the physical, logical or interpersonal world.
My H says he is am atheist but he doesn't tell people because he says if is too controversial. I went to temple and I believe in G-d most days...
Not sure what I will do with LO yet. Of course my parents want him to go to temple. I just want him to be kind loving and treat others like you want to be treated. I don't think you need structured religion for that.
We are atheists too. And pretty open about it. Every now and then someone has a problem with it, but generally, nobody gets in our faces as we don't get into theirs.
As for A, I do not plan to raise him with religion. If he wants to join a church later, he can do that. I think, personally, that it is part of common knowledge to be somewhat informed about different religions, so we will teach him about the main ones.
As for values and morals, I strongly believe I can instill those without religion.
This!
DH and I are are firmly on the fence on this one. We were both raised in strong, albeit unconventional, religious families. We feel there are a lot of positives to growing up with a religious community, and it would be wonderful to do that for our children. But we aren't sure if we actually believe in God, or if we just want to believe. We've had so many discussions about this over the years we've been together and we never seem to get anywhere. At this point I think we are leaning toward just claiming agnosticism, and letting go of the guilt we both carry about it. Easier said than done, though.
I agree with PP that values are completely separate. Being a good person is important because it's important, not because God wants you to be one.
I also second the mommy groups. I'm somewhat active in a few around my area. It's like dating, you do have to weed through some ridiculousness to find good mom friends worth having. But I think it is worth it. I've also learned so much about where all the good parks are, free kid activities, etc. from the more experienced moms. I would recommend playgroups for that reason alone.
I'm an atheist and my husband is more of an agnostic, though he was raised catholic. DH's family is very catholic, but they are pretty good about not pushing their religion on me. I try to be respectful of their beliefs. I have never out and out told them that I am an atheist, but I think they know.
My older son's father was also an atheist and we decided that we would raise our son without force feeding him religion or even our own atheist beliefs. We wanted him to make his own decision on what he believed. Like PP said, I don't think it's necessary to teacher a child important morals with religion. My 9 yr old is an awesome kid and every teacher he's had always comments on what a honest, compassionate, and all around good kid he is. He was able to become all these things from us without a religious base. When he asks about certain religions or Jesus and God, we try to give him the most honest, non-bias answer we can. He has gone to church with other family members when he's show an interest to.
In our city we actually have an Atheist Society that meet every month. I found them on the internet. It's usually families getting together to talk and also raise money for charities. Sometimes it's family get togethers at the park or other times it's just the adults at a bar for drinks and to discuss various things, like gay rights and marriage. Maybe you could see if there is a group like this in your area?