WTF Results after IVF #1 Failed :(

Mayzie15

My appt was this afternoon - I knew our cycle didn't go well but wasn't prepared for what I was told.  We did Lupron this cycle and we were told we could go on and try another cycle with an antagonistic approach (not sure what this means) but our chances of conceiving are really low - so much so he doesn't suggest we try IVF again.  We used ICSI on this last cycle to help with the severe MFI but nothing will change the quality of my eggs and they aren't good   My RE told MH and I if we want children we need to look at at Donor Eggs/Sperm or adoption.  When we started this process I looked great on paper but clearly all those tests have no correlation to my egg quality.  We are not interested in using Donor Eggs/Sperm or adoption - we are completely out of pocket and for certain reasons these are just not viable options for us.  This is by far the worst day I have had in this IF hell we have been living in - MH wants to get a second opinion and I agree to a point - but how much different could the second opinion really be - if my eggs are shot then they are shot.  Another part of me just wants the ability to mourn this process and move on - am I wrong to feel this way?  When do you finally say enough is enough and really walk away? 

tcfreedom

I'm so very sorry. Many T&P'S as you and DH decide how you want to move forward. 

danieleandwayne

I am so incredibly sorry that you got such disappointing news. ((hugs))

I have to admit, my first thought was "2nd opinion." I just think that with such a major, life-changing decision, it makes logical sense (not that much of TTC/IF is logical) to just double-check and be certain that the doctor's professional opinion is based on solid facts. Not that I'm questioning your RE, but look at IrishGirl/McIrish's RE Dr. Check-- totally different direction/approach/view of their situation. Now, maybe your eggs are not high enough quality, but if all your tests came back okay, then what criteria is your RE using to make this determination?

Ultimately, though, you have to do what is right for you and for your marriage.

((hugs)) again and I wish you peace with whatever path you choose.

Mrs.McIrish

Get a 2nd opinion. Where do you live?  I think it is highly ridiculous to make the leap that ALL your eggs are of poor quality after 1 IVF.  The drug cocktail used can totally influence that and you need to find one that is better for you.  You got nine eggs!  You only need one normal! If money permits, I would get a 2nd opinion and try again. I needed 4 cycles before I was ready to accept my fate. The number is different for everyone on when they've had enough. But I will always push you ladies to try again!

I have been in your shoes. I get it. Take time to process this. No one decides overnight to be done and trust me, I balked at donor eggs initially. Now I am doing it. Your perception of the end goal changes over time as you hit these road blocks and have to reset your course. It is hard. Hugs.

Mrs.McIrish

PS listen to Edwina on your IF post. She is brilliant. The sperm DNA frag is a must. I forgot about that since I just went to the EQ issue. It's not always our eggs..

BeckyP005

I am so sorry about your results. I also agree with pp to get a second opinion if you can. I was never "pushed" into DE I just knew with my age and only having one shot DE was the path for me. Good luck with your decision...big hugs.

dhreczuck

As everyone stated above I agree you definately should get a 2nd opinion. I don't like that at 36 your RE said that your basically done, sounds like he's not interested in delving deeper into your situation. There are always other options to consider..good luck!

MrsNukem

I agree with everyone, get a 2nd opinion.  Sorry you got hit with the news from your RE, I'm sure it is not easy to hear that they are giving up on you.  And McIrish is right, it may not be just EQ, there could also be a sperm issue, so looking into the DNA frag test is one I would pursue also.  I think your RE is taking the easy way out.  You need to find one willing to work with you to optimize your chances whether it be protocol change, frag test, PGD, supplements, acu, etc.  Lots of hugs to you.

Abeille

I'm so sorry.  You're getting some great advice, I really hope this one doctor's opinion doesn't cause you to stop trying. Big e-hugs for you.

Mayzie15

Mrs.McIrish:

Get a 2nd opinion. Where do you live?  I think it is highly ridiculous to make the leap that ALL your eggs are of poor quality after 1 IVF.  The drug cocktail used can totally influence that and you need to find one that is better for you.  You got nine eggs!  You only need one normal! If money permits, I would get a 2nd opinion and try again. I needed 4 cycles before I was ready to accept my fate. The number is different for everyone on when they've had enough. But I will always push you ladies to try again!

I have been in your shoes. I get it. Take time to process this. No one decides overnight to be done and trust me, I balked at donor eggs initially. Now I am doing it. Your perception of the end goal changes over time as you hit these road blocks and have to reset your course. It is hard. Hugs.

I live in Northern CA - UCSF is where I'm at currently.  I told my RE the same thing you said - I got 9 eggs he responded to this by saying 5 weren't mature and the 4 they used weren't great with ICSI and only 2 fertilized which suggests there are issues with egg quality because ICSI should have a higher rate than 50% and we didn't get that.  He did mention that the embryos were poor quality and I asked then why bother doing the transfer - he couldn't answer that for me.  He understands that we are OOP and said why break the bank?  I asked if we could do PGD - he said this will never happen for us because our embryos will never make it to 5 day and we will end up losing the whole cycle anyway.  I knew we would struggle to pay for another cyle but I never thought we would get our walking papers so to speak from the RE - completely unexpected.  I should add that he also told me my beta on the last one wasn't a 0 but a 4 which drives my crazy and he admitted there could have been something there but we will never know.  It was a lot to absorb in an hour meeting -  I think I'm still in shock.