Intro :(

a&aw12707

Hi ladies, just wanted to introduce myself. My husband and I lost our son Mason on Monday at 17 weeks due to PPROM and placental abruption due to a SCH. A week ago today, I woke up some time in the middle of the night thinking I had an accident, because (tmi sorry) my panties and shorts were soaked. It happened a couple more times that night, but not as much. I really thought he was sitting on my bladder and went to work Saturday morning. I didn't have any leakage while I was at work, so I mentioned it to my husband when I got home, kind of blowing it off. I had another gush later that pm, which led me to call my dr. The on call told me to come into the hospital right away. After an u/s showing I had 3 cm of fluid and a posiitive swab for amniotic fluid, the on call dr came in and told me I had no choice but to deliver right away or risk getting an infection. I would not agree because I just seen his heartbeat on th u/s and there was no way I could agree to that. At that point I was willing to do whatever it took to give my baby a fighting chance. My husband and I agonized over the decision for hours, until finally around lunchtime Sunday, my temperature started to rise. At that point, because I was showing signs of infection, the choice was no longer ours. The dr started the cytotech vaginally shortly after. During the process my fever went up to 102.5, and I was on three different types of antibiotics. Mason was born sleeping at 12:35 am, July 16, 2012. I am still in a state of shock and still feeling a lot of guilt, thinking I should have realized sooner what was going on and maybe we would have had a better outcome. I am also having a hard time because I have a 4 yo DD who needs her mommy, but I am so heartbroken right now I don't know what to do. Sorry for the rambling, I needed to type it all out. I also apologize if I am not on the appropriate board, I know I was not as far along as some of the rest of you. Thanks for reading. Ashlee

a&aw12707

I am so sorry there are no paragraphs, I thought there were. I guess my phone got rid of them

eroplane

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet son Mason. No one should ever lose their children. You will find many kindred souls on this board. 

You are more than welcome to post here and you will be surrounded by friends. 

There is a link to more information that foxxy posts. I will try to link it but hopefully she will be on soon to get it to you. I don't even know if that will be clicky or not. Sorry. 

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/66361040.aspx

I am so so sorry for your loss. Let us know if you need anything. Big hugs.  

 

 

Williamandshawnna

Ashlee,

I am so sorry for the loss of your son Mason. We lost out triplet sons almost one month ago, the pain is still raw and the hurt litteraly takes my breath away. I know the feeling of wanting and trying to do everything to give your child a fighting chance. Know that this board has been so helpful to myself and to others. It does not matter if you are on the "right" board or not, you are welcome here and  as much as none of us wanted to ever have to be on a board like this, we are and have become a little family. (as new as I am I can say this from the support this amazing community gives) I wish you peace during this difficult time. ~~~HUGS~~~

-Shawnna

weddedwife

You are in the right place.

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your son Mason. It's hard dealing with feelings of guilt; we all have them about one aspect or another of our experience. It's not your fault- even if you had known it was your membranes rupturing, at 17 weeks there's really not much they could've done for your baby. I know how hard that is to accept. My son was born due to PTL at 22 weeks 4 days. He was alive until seconds before I delivered him but he died during the delivery. It was awful to push him out knowing he was only going to die when I did. The cut off for "viability" is 24 weeks, so even at 22 weeks 4 days they did not attempt any rescuscitation.

I too have an older child and it was nearly impossible to parent her for the first few weeks. Go easy on yourself. For me it was my daughter that got me through this- she still brought me joy every day despite my sadness. Eventually you will get back to your routine with her and there will be normalcy in her life again. For now, it's okay to let her see you cry- that's how children learn to grieve.

I'm sorry you have to be here but am glad you found this board. It was and continues to be of tremendous support to me.

HollyBee1022

Ashlee, I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby Mason. I don't have a lot of advice to give you, as I'm new here myself, but everyone here has been so supportive and caring, so you're in the right place. My thoughts are with your family. 

jbranden12

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mason. I hope you can find some support here.

lmielocl1

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet Mason!!  Many, many (((hugs))) to you!  I have an almost 2yo DS and understanding your feelings about being heartbroken but wanting to be there for your DD!  I felt the same way.  After the first few weeks, my DS has become my sunshine and has helped me more than words can say!  

I will be thinking of you and your sweet Mason!! 

- Leslie

~ mommy to Aaron, 21 months and to our angel, Ethan James, born sleeping at 18w on 6/15/12.  

pottermommy

I am so sorry for the loss of sweet Mason.

Mrs Nice

I am so sorry for your loss of baby Mason. You are in the right place, tho I wish you didn't have to be here. Please post anything you need to, we will support you. Or if you just need to lurke from time to time, we understand that too. Big hugs to you!

dandywarhol

I'm so sorry that we have to welcome you here because of the loss of your son. A mother's guilt is a powerful thing. I think it is something that all loss moms deal with, for better or worse.

SweetBaby2004

I am so sorry about the loss of your sweet Mason.  No one should ever have to lose a child but this board is a great place.