Overprotective Husband
My husband and I are going from LA to NY next month while I'm 27 weeks. I was planning on going a few days early to spend more time with my friend. Then we would fly back together. He decided to move his trip up to fly with me because he worries about me flying alone.
I'm also going to Vegas for business and he said he was going to call my boss and say I can't go because I'm pregnant.
He thinks he's being cautious, and I'm being reckless, but I do the research about what is safe and cleared everything with my doctors. And he just imagines dangers and considers them real. He does NO research on anything before declaring it unsafe for pregnant women.
If he were a commenter on the Bump, he would recommend all you ladies sitting on your couch under a lead apron eating baby food for 10 months.
Re: Overprotective Husband
I can't imagine how I would take it if an employee's husband called and said that they couldn't take a business trip before 34 because they were pregnant. I just know that my reaction would not be puppies and rainbows.
Can you explain to your husband that it is perfectly safe for you to do these things and that he could be affecting your career? I would be beside myself with anger if my husband ever called my boss to say I couldn't do something. It is just unprofessional and, honestly, a little chauvinistic.
If my husband called in to my work and told them I couldn't do something, I would be calling his work as well... and tell them, I don't know, maybe that he will be having a lot of free time on his hands and to schedule him for some OT.
That's not cool. I hope you are responding to his actions with how you're portraying them on here... they are ridiculous. I hope he really isn't going to call your work... I really really hope.
Good luck
Update: We had a talk this morning, and I'm flying to NY alone, he is joining me on Friday as originally planned.
For LV, we agreed that I would ship my stuff ahead of time (I'm a salesrep and usually am lugging around candles and body care stuff). He won't be calling my boss. I do have control over my schedule when I travel, so I was able to convince him that I will not be straining myself by walking all over the hot city in heels carrying a 30 lb bag.
For the general misguided overprotectiveness of me and the baby, I'm hoping that once we take a few of the infant care, CPR, and delivery classes, he will feel more at ease about the entire thing, or at least start worrying about actual dangers for a change. What has helped your husbands relax a little bit?
My husband has attended every single prenatal appt we have had, and he has no problem asking any question that bothers him (So tell me about the whole caffeine debate and what our stance should be?) or if he thinks I might have forgotten something (What are some things she can do, or that I can help with, if her back starts to really bother her?).... I love that he actually asks questions. He has apps on his phone and knows where all of the pregnancy books are, and he doesn't hesitate to ask questions if he's concerned. Sometimes they're ridiculous questions, like the other day we were driving and he said, "Is it still okay for you to wear a seatbelt?" and I just inform him of the facts, even though with this I want to say, "Think about it, sir. Weigh the risks", but I don't because I know he is asking them genuinely and he deserves a genuine answer. And when I read something interesting, or hear something funny that's PG related, I share it with him. It helps to talk about PG related things, that way it doesn't seem like some deep dark mystery for us First Time Parents.
I think, in our case, it helps that at both of his jobs he has people going through the same thing: At one job, a guy and his wife just had their first LO, and at the other, his relief pharmacist is on her third LO. So he gets to hear things from other FT Parents and from another pregnant woman with experience.
Hope this helps.
My husband has been the complete opposite. He seriously asked me if I wanted to go to a water park this summer, after I explained to him why I couldn't go to an amusement park. It took me 15 minutes to convince him that I could not ride water slides. He also didn't think twice about asking me if I wanted to join him and my niece on a trampoline. He's not normally an idiot, I swear.
What has really helped him learn more about what pregnant women can and can't do is that he comes to every OB appointment I have. He's mainly in it to hear the heartbeat but he seems to get things better now. I always have a list of questions to ask the doc and sometimes I give DH a few to ask for me so I'm not straight rattling off a list of 10 things. I also threw a fit and made him read "What to Expect When You're Expecting".
He has come to all of the prenatal appointments and asked questions at them. When we disagree about something (like caffeine), having the OB weigh in on the debate and then discussing it has been really helpful. He also reads The Expectant Father and the Mayo Clinic book and then we discuss the level of risk we are both comfortable with.