Any stay at home moms?

karadenisereid

Im a new stay at home mom, since the birth of our LO. I was laid off while I was pregnant and never seemed to develop a "groove".  Now that Im still home with DD, i still cant find a groove when it comes to taking care of her and being a "housewife"...never thought I would utter those words.  I really enjoy it but since I have been "working" sometimes I feel just blahhh, no real direction during the day.  I know my husband gets a bit frustrated seeing me frustrated because I feel that I should be able to keep the house clean, ect...but with taking care of LO I feel things just dont get done. Im far from a neat freak and not OCD.  Part of issue is that DD doesnt care for the pack and play, so sometimes its hard for me to run to basement to do laundry and clean upstairs while shes awake...lol...dont trust her in the living alone because shes starting to climb the furniture.  Anyway....Im trying to make my stay at home life ....like a job and try scheduling so I feel somewhat accomplished at the end of the day.....but dont know where to start......AM I THE ONLY ONE???

CLL1001

You are definately not the only one...it's been driving me crazy that I can't get myself on a structured type of schedule like I always was when I worked outside the home. I feel exactly the same as you do and I almost feel guilty sometimes. Someone recommended to me the website flylady.net - it's kind of like a cleaning/organization coaching type of site. The purpose of it seems to be to teach you how to kind of simplify your life while also keeping up with the cleaning and organizing. I've only read bits and pieces of it so far I haven't actually "started" the program yet but I plan to and I've been trying to do some of the tips that I read so far (doing 1 load of laundry every day, making sure kitchen sink is clean every night before going to bed). It seems to be an interesting program but kind of hard to explain lol you'll probably understand better if you check it out.

babybmom

I have the same issue, and my husband definitely gets frustrated. I try to get as much done when she's napping and when he is home but it's not always as easy as it sounds. Especially now, like you said, with her pulling up on the furniture I can't just go downstairs for five minutes. I go back to work in September though, and I think that will be an even harder adjustment because I will be balancing a job, housework and a baby, which will be a first. I am going to look into that flylady.net site. It sounds like it might have some useful tips.

ladybugpjb

As far as using a PNP, I put a bunch of Mega Blocks in ours and a few other toys. When I put DS in there so I can have a few minutes to get something done, I act excited and tell him that it's block time. I try to limit his time in there, though, since it's better for them to be able to explore.

I don't have a lot of structure in my day. Lately we've been on the go, running errands, meeting up with friends, so it's hard to get stuff done during the day. I try to make sure and keep up with the things that will get out of hand if left too long - cleaning the kitchen, picking up DS's toys... I have a set day for laundry and a set day for grocery shopping, so that helps me keep up with those.

WeeGee619

It's not so easy, but I've gotten better since DD is into a real schedule now and takes long naps.  When I go to do laundry, I make sure I have everything ready to go from upstairs and put dd in jumper  (she's not always so happy, but I know she's safe) run down to basement and throw wash on...I'm gone for like 2 min so even if she's unhappy it's only for a few minutes...I do the same when I transfer to dryer.  I know fold laundry in the living room while dd plays around me.  She's likes sitting in the basket too!  During nap 1, I clean up toys and sweep (and mop 2x week), put things away.  During nap #2 (if we're home) I prep dinner.   We have an open floor plan so when I cook dinner later I can let dd play and I can watch her.  It took a while to get to this point but I'm glad I'm finally here, but it's gonna be a whole lot diff since I go back to work in sept!

ETA: like pp I have set days for laundry and grocery shopping so that helps me stay on top of things as well.  I also have a cleaning lady so that helps with the dusting vacuuming, scrubbing 

awollenweber

You aren't alone!  My son just turned 1 and I've been a SAHM mom since January. I pictured this being SO different.. perfectly clean house, always on a schedule, working out often, doing crafty/hobby things while he slept, having baby play dates, frequent visits to the park, etc. In reality, I'm often stressed and tired. Like you, he doesn't allow me to do chores during the day, so that happens while he naps. I also sometimes nap while he does (since he wakes up at 5:30 am) and while I need the extra sleep, it halts any production. I go crazy inside of the house and crave much more interaction than we actually get.

Sometimes I have meltdowns (almost PP depression like), but other days I'm able to count my blessings. I am SO thankful to get this opportunity to be involved in every day-to-day moment, but it definitely isn't easy.

All I can really recommend is to keep your sanity however you can. For us, it's frequently (short) trips to the grocery store - we both like getting out, but his attention span isn't long. We turned a spare bedroom into a completely kid-proof play area, so I don't have to worry about monitoring him. When he will play independently for a few minutes, I try to get a few chores in.  I also empty/load the dishwasher while he eats breakfast. He likes to chase around the broom and vacuum, so I can usually do those 2 while he is awake.  I tried to divide chores into days and follow the same routine each week, but it didn't really work for us.  I save the deeper cleaning for the weekend, when hubby is home and can help occupy the kid.

dragon_chica

Not sure if anyone's mentioned this but have you considered wearing LO?  When I'm in a real bind and there's no way I can just do things later I'll put DS in the ergo and continue with what I was doing.  Here's a play by play of what a typical day is for me.

7:30 a.m. Feed DD and DS and hopefully me!

8:00 Let the kids play with each other and if DS can stand it I put him in his baby gated area.  For those 15 min. while DH runs upstairs to change for work I'll quickly put the breakfast dishes in the dishwasher, wipe down the highchair tray, and wipe the dining table.  

8:30 Say goodbye to DH and DD (he takes her to preschool) and I'll either play with DS or take a walk to get coffee

9:15 Naptime.  During naptime I'll finish any dishes I didn't get to, wipe down the kitchen counters, some days I'll mop the downstairs area, then I relax.  If there's laundry to be folded I'll do that while watching TV, bumping, or planning something (like their bday parties!)

 11:15 Typical wakeup time.  Lunch time.  Repeat what I did after breakfast.  Depending on the day we could be rushing to Gymboree for his noontime class, meeting a friend for a playdate, or running a couple errands.  Usually back home by 1:00ish to put him down for a nap.

4:00 Pick DD up from preschool

5:15 Prepare dinner.  Sometimes I actually cook, create magic with store-bought roti. chicken, or grab a frozen dinner mix from Trader Joe's that I stock the freezer with.

6:00 dinnertime.  For the next 45 min. we'll eat dinner, I'll start throwing together DD's lunch for tomorrow, and do the same usual cleaning up that I do after meals.  This is when DH usually will take over with the kids while I get this done.

Once the kids are all tucked in it's about 8:30 p.m.  For the next 30 min. we finish any last minute cleanup, prepare lunch if I couldn't get to it, and throw in a load of laundry if needed.  Our washer has a timer so we set it to go off 8-14 hours later if I'm really tired or I run it and stay up to throw it in the dryer and then deal with it the next day.

I'm not technically a SAHM.  I'm a teacher so I'm a SAH for the summer so in a way I find it a bit harder because I will get into the groove of things only to have it change in Aug. and then pick it up again next summer.

OP, you might want to start with a list of things you want to do each day.  I know it sounds anal but sometimes I like to plan out my day to the exact minute.  Yes, I'm a teacher it's what I do.    Once you get into the swing of things it'll become part of your daily repertoire.  

mrsannie

Like PP said, I find it extremely helpful just to write down what the daily schedule/to-dos are just to give yourself an objective for the day. Even if it's something small. I try not to set my expectations too high. I do a little cleaning here and there everyday and if something doesn't get done I try not to stress and just do it when LO goes to bed. My priority is taking care of DS. 

 Have you thought about getting one of those big enclosed gate things that your LO could play in so you don't have to constrain her to the PNP or worry about her climbing? I also get a lot of cleaning done while DS is in his high chair eating. I know he can't go anywhere and he's happy so that's when I'll go throw in a load of laundry, etc.

https://www.amazon.com/North-States-Superyard-Play-Classic/dp/B00020L78M 

Bateaulover

Consider this: when you were working, you cleaned and then were gone all day. Now, you're eating at home and using your home constantly to care for your child. So it isn't as easy to keep it all straight!

 Like PP, I unload dishwasher while he's in the highchair. I also sweep after each meal. I vacuum once a week, dustmop once a week. I do laundry all the time.

I also utilize the Pack N Play while I do things, but not all of the time.

 Remember, you ARE a day care provider. If you dropped your child off at a center, you wouldn't expect them to clean and do laundry all day would you? Its a balancing act for sure!

I'm certain you are doing just fine.

melissa0726

I also never thought I would SAH, but here I am, and it is a tough adjustment.  All PPers had great tips.  I second the super playyard!  We have one plus the extension kit to make a large square area, and it has been a godsend!  We keep it set up in the living room.  DD has tons of space to safely play with her toys, and it lets me get vacuuming done and straighten up the living room and dining room.

Instead of trying to be a supermom and doing EVERYTHING, I pick three things to do each morning.  Three realistic things.  For example, vacuum, put away the laundry, and wash a load of towels. If I get these things done, awesome.  If I don't, then there's tomorrow.   That's the other thing...don't set your expectations too high.  My LO has good days where I can get more than three things done, which makes it ok for those days where I don't get anything done.  Finally, I also try to combine chores with DD's daily needs.  While she is eating breakfast, I load the dishwasher.  While she's in the bath tub, I wipe down the bathroom.  Hang in there, you'll figure out what works best for you