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C-sections
Is husband "needed" while recovering in hospital?
I ask because i have a two year old that needs to be tended to but i'm not sure how much help or support ill want or need during the hospital stay and want to make appropriate provisions for my toddler with family. All this time i was thinking of leaving him with grandparents while at hospital but now wondering if husband shouldnt be helping with him instaed of sitting pointlessly in a room w me. Just curious on past experience or thoughts. Thanks.
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Re: Is husband "needed" while recovering in hospital?
Personally, I was so happy to have my H's help in the hospital. I looked at it as we were both getting to know our new baby. My DD stayed with my parents and they brought her to visit during the day. Maybe you could do a half and half thing with your son? Have your husband with you half the time and the other half with your son. Like split the days or something?
Edit: Also, with a c-section, while on pain meds your baby cannot room in with you if your husband or someone else is not there. The first day or so you will need assistance getting to your baby and won't be able to move quick enough if something were to happen with the baby.
The first night DH had to be there or they would have kept DD in the nursery since I could not get up yet. After about 24 hours I was able to hobble about and get in and out of bed alone, but I still had trouble doing that and tending to DD at the same time. The nurses will help you, but I much preferred having my husband there.
He did go home several times to shower and play with the dog, but he was mostly there. Of course we also didn't have another child to worry about, so I'm not sure what I'd do if I needed a RCS at this stage.
My sister had a c/s for her third child and I kept her kids overnight, but after that her husband was back at home with them.
I was very happy to have DH at home with my two older kids. I (personally) didn't mind sending LO to the nursery so I could focus on getting myself healed. I actually sent LO to the nursery every night, they brought her to me to eat, but she slept in the nursery all three nights.
That being said, with my first LO, DH stayed with me and LO roomed in the whole time. With my third, and two others at home, it was very important that I also rest and heal.
I also needed the transition and me being in the hospital as easy on my two other children as possible, and having half the normalcy of daddy home eased my mind. It was and continues to be a pretty tricky transition for my family.
This time around he will come to the hospital after DS goes to preschool. So he will be with me during the day. Then pick up DS & they will both come to the hospital to hang for a bit before going home for dinner or bed. Even contemplating having DH work half days or something so he can spend more time with us when we are home. Going to play it by ear for sure.
It is helpful to have him there, but the nurses are awesome too & I know I will have visitors.
BFP #2 12/31/2010 (EDD 9/1/11) -- Natrual m/c 1/9/10
BFP #3 12/20/2011 - EDD 8/25/12
u/s 1/6/12 - HB & beautiful bean
A/S 4/2 - It's a Girl!!!
RCS on 8/20/12
My DH has never stayed with me in the hospital. Only the first night with DD#1. He didn't get any sleep at all and we live less than 10 minutes from the hospital.
There is a nursing staff at the hospital to help me out. I don't have a nursing staff at home so DH stayed home with the other kid(s). We don't have the luxury of parents or IL's helping watch our other kids and 4-5 days is a long time when you have no real help.
You need to do what works for you and DH.
GL!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
My hospital required me to have someone with me the first night, so you should see if yours has similar rules.
Personally, I think having help in the hospital is a must. While you still have the catheter in (which is a different amount of time for everyone), you can't get out of bed. It's very difficult to get the baby out of the crib or wherever they are sleeping to feed them without getting out of bed. Once they take the catheter out, you will need help getting out of bed, going to the bathroom, etc.
HTH
IMO, you'll definitely need help for the first 24 hours or so. Our plan, right now, is as follows:
- Tuesday, 6am: My dad will come to our house to wait with DS; DH & I will head to the hospital; c/s will happen around 8:30-9 unless I get bumped. My dad will take DS to school & pick him up, my parents will bring DS to the hospital around dinner time to see me & the new baby. DS will spend Tuesday night with my parents.
- Wednesday: DH will go to work, DS will go to school (grandpa will drop him off/pick him up again); after work, DH will come to hospital; my parents will bring DS to hospital to visit, DH will take DS home & spend Wednesday night at home
- Thursday: DH will go to work again. Basically identical to Wednesday, unless Wednesday goes badly
- Friday: should be going-home day, assuming all is well. DH will take the day off and come to the hospital once DS is with my dad. We'll pick DS up from my dad's house after his nap.
I didn't have a husband who wanted to be there, but my mom was and I couldn't have done it without her. Unless you want to have to call the nurses every time you want to get the baby, YES you need someone there. I couldn't get up for at least 12 hours and even then it was sooo hard to move without being in pain...plus they really don't even want you picking up the baby unless you have to. My mom did the diapers and would hand DD to me for me to BF her then I would have Mom put her back in the "bed" after I held her for a while afterwards. Mom also had to help me get to the bathroom, and they had me take a shower 24 hours afterwards and my mom was supposed to take the bandages off and there was NO WAY I could've showered myself.
So YES absolutely you need someone there with you.
Last c-section (unexpected) DH and DD1 (6 yrs old) stayed with me the entire stay. We didn't know she wasn't supposed to stay and then one of the nurses said unless they were getting complaints, they didn't mind her being there. Dh was a HUGE help. He took care of the baby and got her out of the bassinet for me, especially while I was still tied to the cathedar.
This time around we have DD1 who will be in first grade and our soon to be 1 year old - who definetly cannot stay. We have no family members to help so Dh will be forced to drive back and forth (and our hospital is an hour away).
My mom is taking off the day of my RCS and we are allowing DD1 to miss that day of school. DH and my 2 DD's will stay until bedtime, drive home, get DD1 off to school, and him and DD2 will come up and stay all day with me and LO. Then DH will leave to pick up DD1 from school and start all over (i'm pretty sure they will even make an extra drive to see us after DD gets picked up from school). LOTS of driving in our future!
I'm not sure what our hospitals policy is on if baby can stay in the room with me those first 24 while on meds and I know I will be lacking without DH's support during the night. He is pretty bummed he will be missing out on staying too lol.
I just had my c/s 2 mornings ago so I'm still in the hospital. I was so thankful to have DH here that first day. I had a bad reaction to the anesthesia and was dizzy/nauseeous and throwing up all day. I couldn't focus on anything so I was useless. He took care of our baby all day: changed her, helped the nurse bath her, brought her to me for feedings and he had to help get her to latch onto me. He was there when the lactation consultant came too which was great cause I can't remember everything she told us but he does so he's been great at helping me learn this whole breastfeeding thing. Also I could not get out of bed the first day at all so he helped with whatever I needed. Of course that day we had a lot of visitors and I felt so crummy. He did great with crowd control and didn't let people stay long.
I did send him home to sleep as I wanted him to get a good sleep and also I wanted him to be there for our dogs. He came back in the morning and it was just so much better having him here with me. I feel lonely when he's not here, although the nurses have been great! DH had to work last night so I was on my own from 3:30 on but I'm much better now and can get up. Ive been walking back and forth to the nursery to get LO for feedings ( she has jaundice and has to be under the lights). I miss him but the 2nd day has been much better for me and I'm more independent now.
So that's just my experience, but I definitely recommend having your DH there for at least the first day, if not the 2nd as well.
DH was there the whole time with #1, but not with #2. I had a RCS on a Tuesday. He took Tuesday off, then went to work W/T/F. I didn't get released until Fri night anyway because of some complications, so he was able to work those 3 days. That gave him 3 extra days to be home with us. That worked out far greater to our advantage than having him at the hospital when I had a team of nurses to help with anything. He got to stay home until the day before DD turned 3 weeks old and I was so grateful for that.
Thanks for this response. I felt like I was the only one that didn't have my DH there. I don't think you "NEED" your DH there or it's a "MUST" for your DH to be there. Sometimes, it just can't/won't happen and you just don't have a choice in the matter and don't have anyone else around. I'm sure for some it's nice to have the extra help, but you will survive without it.
If you're in a hospital where they MAKE you room in, but you don't have anyone with you, then what? I'm sure that there's a nursing staff that can help you out.
I can't imagine DH not being there. After my surgery I could barely move! So DH would bring the baby to me. He slept there every night.
After day 4 DD was admitted for jaundice and excessive weight loss so off to NICU we went. Both DH and I spent two solid days there.
DH did leave every day to tend to the cats and take care of a couple things around the house. I thought I could manage the night without him but I ended up asking him to stay and was SO glad he did. Being in NICU was really emotional and I needed his support.
Not sure how we'll handle our second child, should be we lucky enough to have another, but I suspect we'll still plan for DH to be at the hospital with me and hopefully grandparents can watch DD.
Thanks all for the very informative and thought provoking replies. Though i want my husband there for emotional support and help with changes and hospital duties, i was having some weird twangs of guilt about leaving my hyper two year old w my parents. Think though i'm definately leaning to having him there to accompany me and help out with the new little and help us all spend some quality time together bonding....well that and help where i know i'll be more physically constrained. Thanks for helping put things into perspective.
I sent DH home at night. We were changing DS1's world so much, I wanted as much normalcy as possible. He came during the day quite a bit and DS1 would stay with IL's, but I really didn't need his "help" with anything, it was just nice to have his company.
Honestly, I had the worst experience in the hospital ever. I had a spinal headache, my BP spiked which made the headache even worse, and I was puked the whole first day so my incision/stomach muscles were really sore. Even in that kind of crappy situation, I couldn't see how I *needed* DH's help beyond the first 24 hours. The baby slept on my chest most of the day. When she woke up to eat, I'd latch her on and then she'd fall back asleep on me or I'd put her in the bassinet that was an arm's reach away. Nurses checked on me/her a lot so they would change her diaper for me. Even 1 day PP I was able to walk to the bathroom to pee and stand in the shower for a few minutes to scrub my body without help. I can see why women would want their DH there for support, but it's definitely not necessary from a physical standpoint in most scenarios.