Intro (loss at 22 weeks)

HollyBee1022

I've been lurking a bit on this board the past few days, so I wanted to introduce myself.  It's been almost 4 weeks since I lost my baby, Ruby, at 22w4d.  She was diagnosed with HLHS and Turner syndrome at our regularly scheduled a/s on June 11 (21w).  We chose to end her suffering, and we lost her on June 22.  She was our first.  I have good days now, but I'm still devastated, feeling guilty, a sense of emptiness..  MH, who has been amazing, has started acting normally again, refocusing on work, etc. and I know that's part of his healing process, but I still want to talk about our daughter sometimes. We went out with friends last night for the first time since the diagnosis, and nobody mentioned her (including me).  A couple of times I just trailed off in the conversation, because I knew I was going to have to say something about her or my pregnancy, and I'm afraid of how people will react.  In general, I don't like talking about my feelings, so it's all been hard for me.  So I'm hoping to join this board and talk about my baby with people who I know will understand, and support others experiencing the same things.  Thanks for listening.

foxxy1

I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet Ruby.

Please know you came to the right place and there's no judgment. There are a few mommies on here who chose to terminate as well and they can offer you some additional support and advice.

I'm not sure if you're aware but here's a link that will help you as face many challenges:

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/66361040.aspx

You can be yourself here. Cry, scream, vent, be happy...you're among friends now. *HUGS*

lrichmond86

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little Ruby.  While I never wish this journey on anyone, I hope that being a part of this group of wonderful women will give you some comfort as you get through the coming weeks and months.  T&P to you tonight!

jbranden12

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Ruby. We understand how strange it is to want everyone to recognize our loss while at the same time not wanting to bring everyone down all the time. I hate to welcome you here, but hope you can find the support among these women that I have.

pottermommy

I am so sorry that you lost sweet Ruby.

  It can be uncomfortable to talk about with others because you are afraid of what they will think or say.  Husbands can be difficult to because you don't want to drag them into your pain.  BUt sweety they are already there, he did not forget or get over it.

If you need to talk or vent or just say Miss Ruby's name, well we are here and we would be happy to support you and to know all they happy and sad moments of you and RUby's time together.

THough we always hate to see new members b/c we wish you didn't have to be here, welcome to our little family and I hope you can give you everything you need.   

karebear57

I am so sorry you lost Ruby. We are here anytime if you need anything at all. These ladies are wonderfully helpful here!

HollyBee1022

Thank you everyone for your kind words (and hugs). I didn't realize how much it would mean to me just to hear them.  I'm glad I'm not the only one who has struggled with talking to people about our baby and our loss. I wish more people would just acknowledge that I'm different now, we didn't just go back to our pre-pregnancy selves. We're parents now, even if we didn't get to take our baby home.

Foxxy--thanks for posting the thread. I have a feeling I'm going to read it several more times in the next few weeks. 

 Anyway, I'm happy to have found you all, even though I wish we could be here under different circumstances.  

philfemgal

I'm so sorry for your loss of your baby Ruby. 

I think you hit the nail on the head about being different after a loss like yours (ours).  I think sometimes people think if they don't bring it up it will hurt less, when for many people it seems to just hurt more--like everyone is ignoring the loss or pretending the baby never existed.

weddedwife

I'm so sorry for your loss. I have found along this journey that if you have one good friend in your life who is willing to talk openly with you about your baby, that is a true friend.

No, you will not ever be quite the same although your friends and family hope you will. An experience like this changes you forever. There are still people I'm unable and/or unwilling to talk to about Nathaniel and the dynamics of many of my relationships have changed. I think it's all part of the journey.

These ladies are awesome and this truly is a place where we all understand your pain, your frustrations, your fears. You are welcome here anytime. 

tuscanbride2007

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby girl, Ruby. I understand your not wanting to talk about feelings, I am the same way. I have 3 close friends that always check up on me and make me actually say something other than, "I'm fine" because in reality, I never will be. Please feel free to post here any time. The women on here are very supportive and free of judgement.

((HUGS))

eroplane

I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Ruby. Big hugs. 

HollyBee1022

philfemgal -- You are so right that others must think talking about it will make it worse, but it's just the opposite.  Thanks for your support.

 weddedwife & tuscanbride -- My best friend has been an amazing support for me, even though she lives 1000 miles away. She sent me a memory bracelet that I cherish, and has been so great to talk to honestly about how I'm feeling.  She and her H were planning on TTC this summer, so I'm trying to prepare myself to be there for her as well, without burdening or scaring her.  Thanks for your advice.

Mrs Nice

I am so sorry for your loss of sweet baby Ruby. I love her name. So beautiful! Big hugs to you. I am sorry you have had to join us but glad that you have found us.

LuckEinLuv

My son had HRHS. I will PM you tomorrow when I am at a real computer. 

dandywarhol

I'm so sorry about the loss of your little girl Ruby.

SweetBaby2004

I am sorry for the loss of your sweet Ruby!

Everything you are feeling is normal!  Let yourself feel these things.  18 months after the loss of our Gabriel, I still love to hear people say his name and let us know that they remember he was a part of our lives.  We have gone on to have a rainbow baby who we adore and love so much, but we have not forgotten our sweet angel boy.  DH surprised me often because it seemed like he had forgotten or didn't want to talk about it but I have found that he hasn't forgotten but doesn't want to make me sad. 

I had a hard time going back into society, work especially.  I changed jobs and it helped so much!!!

illinigal

Hugs.  I'm so sorry for your loss.