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Working Moms
cecilyandgautam
member
For those who took shorter maternity leaves
cecilyandgautam
member
in Working Moms
did you get flack from other moms who took the full 12 weeks or more?
The new Yahoo CEO's plan to take a short leave has the fellow pumping moms at my work essentially accusing her of taking the women's movement back a few steps and I seem to be the only one who thinks we need to lay off. That makes me wonder, how common is this? Were you given a hard time by other working moms for taking less than 12 weeks?
I took 13 weeks but by week 7-8, I felt like I could have gone back and started to get kinda bored & lonely, so next time around, I might not take so much unpaid leave. I know everyone's different and some women need more time, some need less - but holy cow, the flack you can get for not fully utilizing FMLA is pretty harsh!
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Re: For those who took shorter maternity leaves
I did not take a short maternity leave, but I consider the time I got to be a luxury and could have returned at 6 weeks if I really had to. Some women don't have a choice - they get neither FMLA protection or pay for their ML, so they need to go back at 6 weeks (or sooner). But yes, there is tremendous pressure on women to take leave if they have it available to them because FMLA is perceived as being progress in the women's movement (even though both men and women have access to it as long as their employers qualify).
However, I don't think the normal "rules" of time off apply to anyone in high-level management position of a Fortune 100 company, and comparing their jobs to those of us in positions with less responsibility is like comparing apples and oranges. Plainly speaking, these people NEVER really can have time off from their jobs. These are the people who have their blackberries attached to them 24/7, and take 3am conference calls on vacation because their contributions to the enterprise are just that important. The idea that Ms. Mayer should be taking a typical ML is ludicrous - she is the CEO, for pete's sake!
Hmm, I went back at 2, worked for 2.5 weeks and then took a few weeks off after that. I pumped for a full 13 months for DS. My pay check was docked for every day of work I was not there---no one at work gave me a hard time because they all only took 6 weeks off because we have to pay out of pocket and we are still required to have all lesson plans done anyway.
I'm not sure how anyones leave should be anyone elses business....ya know?
ETA: I also had my DS out at 3 days old because of the new teacher orientation lunch thing. DS went to work with me for those 2.5 weeks.
I was a FTM then and the only help I had was DH- my inlaws and parents live far away.
Like a PP I only took 9 weeks, because that's all I could and still get paid. At that I was one day short, thankfully I work with awesome people that donated 8 hours to me!
I would have loved more time with LO at home, and even now I feel guilty I'm not always with him...but to each their own. I do enjoy adult conversation, and using critical thinking.
I got more of a snooty response from other pregnant ladies taking longer than I did from anyone else. I was fairly new to my job, and as it was just barely cleared the amount of time I had to to get my full benefits for FMLA and STD when LO was born. It was more condescending like I was a bad mom and they were awesome and knew everything...even though it was their first child too (yes more than one). I found it's the same response you get in the instance where you don't breastfeed (wasn't able to EBF) or get an epidural. Obviously I'm sensitive to these things because despite my best efforts I can't BF and can't stay home with my little guy...so they're commentary apparently works on me. Lame.
This! For crying out loud, the poor woman does not have a choice. Her hands are even more tied than those of the people who take short leaves for monetary reasons. Yes, she has the money that they don't have, but in reality she has even less flexibility. Her situation has zero bearing on that of most working women.
I feel like a lot of this is semantics.
I got teased for coming back earlier than some other women at my office, but a lot of them worked through most of their maternity leave. I let my blackberry battery die and didn't recharge it for 2 months.
Lets see:
DS1- 6 weeks
DS2- 6 weeks
DD1- 2 weeks
DD2- 1 week
DS3- (new job) 9 weeks
I can say that except for the 9 week leave I was still "on call" answering emails and making plans through out my leave. I was #2 in a company of two people so going MIA would have resulted in a massive headache for me when I returned. With DS1 I could have gone back after a week or two (first baby, my body bounced right back!), but I could afford to take the 6 weeks (no paid leave at that job) and I didn't have paid vacation either at that time. As much as I'm sure I'll get flamed for it (because ML isn't for vacationing), that's when we planed several family vacations, and it was wonderful!
To answer your question, yes, people need to back of and leave her alone.
I only took 6 weeks because that's all we could afford for me to take without pay. I got 5 weeks of STD plus I had to use my PTO for the first week. I wanted to have some vacation time in case DD got sick or I got sick or whatever and by then I think I only had less than a week left after ML. I am not upset that I took a shorter leave and no one else should a give a rip either. I worked with a girl who only took 7 weeks, she was going to take 12 but got serious PPD and was ordered by her doc to go back to work. To each their own. It's the same as the argument about working moms and SAHM's. My sister in law is preggo and while I commend her for wanting to be a SAHM because she doesn't want to put her kid in daycare, I think it's real shitty for anyone to make anyone feel bad about anything. I don't give SAHM's grief. I think it's great-I couldn't do it because I know I am not cut out to be home 24/7. I have to work and I like to work and I am ok with that.
I took 12 weeks off from going into the office everday but I only really took a few, full days off from working at all. After I got home from the hospital I began working part-time from home. I did it in part because I enjoy work and don't like feeling like I'm playing catch-up when I return and also because if I worked part-time from home I could return to work with leave I could use later.
I can't really say that I was given a hard time about it but I did have people question why I would want to work from home.
Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12
Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck. Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.
This Cluttered Life
I took 5 wks both pg. I only heard one comment from another mother who couldn't understand why I wouldn't take the full 12 wks covered by FMLA. Ultimately, this mother quit her job and decided to be a SAHM-so I think or rather I know, she struggled w/ the idea of being a working mom to begin with.
I have no guilt over taking a short ML and feel ppl who judge can suck it!
Thanks for the insights ladies!
I'm glad to know that the norm isn't to judge those who take short leaves and for the few of you who said you got some unfriendly comments about it, I'm really sorry to hear that. Honestly, I was surprised to find that I'm not at all cut out to be a SAHM, even for just a few months, and I'm sure there are plenty of women who think they'll need less time but find they need more once their baby's here. I wish we could just back off each other's case sometimes. Each family's decision isn't a political/social statement on the progress of women and that's way too much weight for anyone, even the CEO of Yahoo!, to carry.
DD -- 5YO
DS -- 3YO
True story that happened to me like two weeks ago -One of my co-workers took shorter leaves. So when I told my boss I was taking 12 weeks with this LO (same amount I took with DS) he kind of gave me a "Uhhh why so long" reaction and reminded me that so and so took 7 weeks of leave. Yeah well, so and so's situation is different than mine so I plan on taking the maximum amount of leave I am legally allowed to take. It's like he tried to guilt me into taking less leave.
Anyway, it COULD set up an expectation that everyone should take a shorter leave bc so and so did it.
ETA : I do NOT judge Mom's who take shorter leave at all. You gotta do what ya gotta do.
I think it was wrong for your boss to give you the side eye for taking the full amount. You're entitled to it and if you feel that's the best amount of time to take, then you should.
But I don't think the lady who took 7 weeks should be pressured to take a longer leave just for other women's benefit (not to say you're implying she should).
I 100% agree with you that she should not be pressured at all. :-)
i took 9 weeks last time, 6 on short term disability, and supplimented the other three with vacation/float/sick time i had accrued. i desperetely wanted to take the full 12weeks alloted to me with FMLA, but i wasn't able to afford any unpaid time off. I am still sad i missed out on that precious time, but i had to do what was best for my family.
this time around i am praying we can afford for me to take the full 12weeks off, even if it means some of that will be unpaid.
i felt lots of mommy guilt, because all my friends and family were able to be SAHM with their children, and i got flack that i wasn't in the position to do so. I love my job, but if i had the choice i would SAHM too. Luckily my supervisor is very understanding, and gave me the opportunity to WAHM, so even though my DD goes to daycare during the day while i work, i feel like we get more bonding time, because i'm not making such a commute to work anymore. it was a nice compromise for us.
I took 6 weeks with DS. It was not really enough, but it was what everyone in my residency program did.
I am taking 10 weeks with DD. No one has said anything one way or the other about it.
I was so bored that I started working very part time at 2 weeks. It was what I felt I needed to do mentally. Judge away.
I think we lose ground as feminists when we judge other women for making choices they have every right to make.
http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg
Everyone just needs to do what's best for their family and their job. If the new Yahoo CEO came on this board and posted something like, "I'm applying for a job as an executive and I'm pregnant. How would you address this in the interview?" we would probably all tell her to tell the company she plans on taking a short maternity leave and to promise to be available to the company on an as-needed basis.
Because of my job and when I had the baby I decided to take a shorter maternity leave than I would have liked. My baby was born August 7th and school started two weeks later. You bet I was at school two weeks later instructing my sub and my team on how to set up the classroom. I also did my own parent orientation and showed up to introduce myself to the students on the first day of school. I also attended my team meetings after dropping off my DD at school. If DS was born at the end of the year maybe I would have wanted to take off longer or been less available, but that was what I felt worked best for everyone at the time. I don't regret being available during ML. I just brought the baby with me and everyone understood. I was pretty bored on ML anyways...
However, it did suck going back to work before DS was STTN. But that's what coffee is for, right?
I did too. And - judge away, y'all - I put our son in daycare at 8 weeks, even though I was unemployed. SO not cut out to be a SAHM, and I loved being able to do something besides feed the baby, change the baby, and prepare to feed or change the baby. For us, a sane mommy was better than an omnipresent one.
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I don't know any friends who have taken 12 weeks. Sure it's FMLA but around here it's not "normal" leave.
I did not have the opportunity to take more than 7. It is what it is. I have a demanding career and that's what happens when you work.
Well put!
That is exactly how I feel! Thank you for putting it into words. I've been feeling kinda offended with the way other women are judging her and blaming her for the expected fall out (ie - a shorter leave will be expected of everyone), which I anticipate will never happen anyway.
I was on leave technically for 8 weeks. But in reality, I was answering emails from the hospital. There's just no way around it, it's the nature of my job. I could have of course turned off the blackberry and been off for up to 6 months under our policies. However, I couldn't do it. I love my work, and I like to be involved.
I was participating in conference calls and such over my 8 weeks of leave. I'm paid for my knowledge, not my time. I suspect it's the same case with the CEO of Yahoo. While yes, I was on call for the entire time and I only took 8 weeks, I now spend 2-3 days a week playing with my son. I wouldn't trade the flexibility OR the responsibility of my job.
The culture where I worked was that most people took somewhere between 1 and 4 weeks, regardless of whether or not they had a section. Officially, you were offered 12 weeks paid, but no one took it. There were reasons for this. You could only take 4 weeks without graduating from residency later, the other 4-6 people you work with had to cover your 80 hour work week as well as their own (even though no one could legally work more than 80 hours/wk), if you graduate late it could put you off schedule for fellowship, you would start practicing later and miss out on attending salary.
Really, though, the problem was the culture. Part of me doesn't care what she does, but part of me kind of agrees that it doesn't set a good standard to say that all women "need" is 3 weeks off.
This kind of reminds me of the atlantic article that someone posted a couple of weeks ago. That maybe the "have it all" thing is a myth and women in powerful positions should be more of an advocate for the importance of families.
I'm still pregnant and plan to work until I pop. I also plan to work via blackberry and laptop during my maternity leave and yes I get flack about it. Obviously I don't know how I will feel after giving birth, but my baby is a part of me--not all of me.
I don't have problems with women taking as much time as needed, but I'm not most women...I strive to be a career women not a SAHM and I have a supportive village that can help my baby become a great human being.
It bothers me that other women attack the new CEO of Yahoo...I'm so proud of her and I know where she is coming from. I'm not a CEO but I'm a executive in my company that gives me flexiable hours and good pay to afford a nanny if need be. My company supports any decision I make, especially when I'm in charge of multiple divisions, hundres of employees and part of a board of directors.
I will love my baby but I also love my work and even though I'm not super women I know I'll be ok handling my time.