TTC My Rainbow Check-In

Mrs Nice · July 2012

Hello Ladies,I hope I can find you all well and positive this week! Please don't be shy in asking the PGAL/PAL ladies questions if you have them. Lots of baby dust on all of you!Has your body image been affected after your loss?How/when did you know that you were ready to ttcal?Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

lrichmond86 · July 2012

Has your body image been affected after your loss?YES! Before I got pregnant I had some body image issues, but when I got pregnant I felt GREAT about how I looked! Like that was how I was always supposed to be. And then we lost the baby and I gained a ton of weight and I felt like everything was just wrong. We want to ttc again because we want a take home baby desperately, but I would be lying if I said part of me wasn't looking forward to having that feeling again.
How/when did you know that you were ready to ttcal?About 3 months after our loss I was desperate to have a baby in my arms. Unfortunately because of my health issues during the pregnancy it wasn't really up to us. Our doctor asked us to wait until 6 months and a meeting with a high risk doctor before we started trying again. Now that we are trying my feelings go up and down on it. I want to be pregnant. I want a baby. But I'm terrified (as I'm sure we all are).
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? In relation to my post last night about my mother, I've been thinking a lot lately about what's in store for she and I if and when we do get pregnant again and the kind of relationship I want her to have with my child. With the last pregnancy it seemed like all the problems we had had vanished, but now they're worse than ever and I'm not sure I want a small child experiencing the stress and anxiety that she causes me. At the same time, it would be her grandchild and I know would feel guilty keeping that from her. I also don't want to get pregnant, have a great relationship for 9 months, have the baby and be back to square one with her. It's just a tough call to make.

ehlersm · July 2012

Has your body image been affected after your loss?A little. I was working out with a trainer before I got pregnant and was very fit. I have been working very hard on my own on getting things back to where I am happy. It was a long process and things are a little "looser" than they used to be, but I am okay with that.
How/when did you know that you were ready to ttcal?We also had to wait six months. Right away I wanted to be pregnant again and then I became terrified of the idea. I am ultimately glad we had to wait because it put me in a better place and now I know I am ready.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? I am in the middle of a very long, annoying cycle. It started off with a stomach bug that messed my period up and has been off since then. I am currently 5 days late with no sign of AF and a BFN. I just wish AF would come so we can start a new cycle. The wait is killing me!

tuscanbride2007 · July 2012

Has your body image been affected after your loss?I have been very down on my body image since Annabelle's birth. I didn't have a baby to bring home, so why do I have to lose this baby weight? It has actually made me quite angry at times. And the other part of that is that with TTC, is it worth buying new clothes if I get pregnant any time soon?
How/when did you know that you were ready to ttcal?DH and I talked about it after my 6 week check up. He was very surprised that I brought it up so early, but it took us 6 months to get pregnant last time, so I knew I wanted to get started right away knowing that I would probably have some BFN disappointments.
Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Well, I have been on a consistent 26-day cycle since getting AF back. Yesterday I was suppose to get her, but nothing. I took an HPT and got a BFN. And now I am waiting for her to arrive. I am crampy today, so I am thinking she might come tomorrow. We will see.ETA: AF showed up. I guess now onto next month!

foxxy1 · July 2012

Has your body image been affected after your loss? I lost a lot of weight at first due to stress. Then I gained all of it and then some back due to stress. Now I'm getting back to normal. I always thought I looked fab; I could just be toner.

How/when did you know that you were ready to ttcal? The moment when my desire to have a take-home/rainbow baby was stronger than my grief.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week? Honestly? TTCALL is so not on my mind. I think this is the first cycle since trying (I think it's no. 4 or 5) that I really don't care. I was so stressed out the last cycle and seeing all those BFNs really did a number on me where I had a huge meltdown. I might get pregnant this month, it might next month. I know I'll be pregnant by the end of the summer and definitely by the end of the year. I'm just really anxiously awaiting!!

jbranden12 · July 2012

Thanks for posting!

Has your body image been affected after your loss?

I actually loved being pregnant. I've been 25-30 lbs overweight since college, and for the past few years people have often asked if I was pregnant. I was so happy to finally be able to say yes! And when I delivered at 7 months, I had gained only 9 lbs. DH said I looked like the perfect pregnant woman. Now, I am a few lbs below my pp weight, but I have been exercising a lot more than I did before or while I was pg, so I feel pretty good. I am ready for another baby belly!

How/when did you know that you were ready to ttcal?

We decided to ttcal as soon as our doctor would let us, which was after one cycle. Patricia was our first, and our dream of parenthood is still very strong. It is our main focus right now. Everything else will have to work in around it.

Open Topic. What is on your mind this week?

I should ovulate this week. Today is CD16 of clomid cycle #2 and I had an 18mm follie on Monday (CD13) but haven't o'd yet. Impatiently waiting, and thinking we should have triggered. Wishing my body would get it together and surge!!

Lavender&Lillies · July 2012

Has your body image been affected after your loss?

I still haven't lost all of the weight I gained while I was pregnant, but I don't really feel bad about the way I look right now. I thought that my stretch marks would bother me more, but they are starting to fade and I kind of like that they are a physical reminder that Braxton was really here.

How/when did you know that you were ready to ttcal?

We knew right away that we would try again because we were so ready to be parents to a baby that we got to bring home with us. Our doctor told us that we should wait a couple months before trying again and I think it was good to take some time to heal physically and to begin to heal emotionally before starting again.

Open Topic: What is on your mind this week?

I have been missing Braxton and wondering how long it will be before we get pregnant again. I have been trying to do things to relax and stay calm. I had a facial and a pedicure this week. I am also reading one book that has to do with loss and one that has nothing to do with loss. I think it is giving me a better balance.

I also have been debating what to do with my maternity clothes. I'm not sure if I should save them or give them away. I don't know if I would want to use them again or if I would prefer to have all new clothes when I get pregnant again. I will probably just put them away and see how I feel. What did you do with your maternity clothes?

I hope you are all having a peaceful week!