Is it childish or wrong I asked for this?

KyleTrigger

I asked my soon to be ExH that we only exchange the kids at his dads house instead of him coming to my house to get them or every once in awhile me taking them to his house. MY house used to be OUR house. He now lives with his mom and we literally only live 3 mins by car apart and his dad and stepmom live smack dab in the middle of that. It seems fair.

I asked for this for many reasons. The main ones are that when he agrees to get the kids he has NEVER ever been less than an hr late. Several times he has been 4-5 hrs late and several times hasn't shown up at all and didn't call and let me know what was going for days afterwards. He has a habit of picking them up literally 10 mins before bed and then bringing them back at the crack of dawn, therefore only having them during the time they sleep.

Another BIG reason is that we have only been split up for 3 months and it has been a bad breakup. I found out he cheated on me, he was violent to me, he doesn't pay child support, etc. I am still so hurt by it all. I wanted so badly to work things out and he just woulnd't even try. Yet when he comes over he says things like Damn you look so sexy, lets have sex, oh look I am getting turned on, or smacks my butt or grabs my boob. We have an intense physical connection so this kind of stuff is hard for me to hear.

After he leaves and before he comes it takes me several hours to calm down. I literally get knots in my tummy, hot and sweaty and heart pounding. I dont want to deal with that all the time.

He was furious when I suggested this and told me no, ranted and raved and accused me of acting like a child.  I don't think this is unreasonable, do all of you?>

JELLYRUNNER01

i think it sounds like a safe neutral enviroment and i think its a good idea especially if its gonna help ease your anxiety GL!

scout426

It sounds like a good idea.  I would add that you should email/text him with specifics for his visits.   Give a time and place and tell him that if he isn't there within 10-15 mins of your time then the visit will be cancelled.   Document EVERYTHING!  Stop talking to him until you get your emotions and strength back in check.  And file for child support.  Good luck.  

ashlin242000

I am sorry but I need to vent. He did not want you... did not want to work things out... has another women and treats you still like you are his property!!!.

You did the right thing, I would not let him anywhere near me. If my ex touched me sexually like that I would have a restraining order on him in a heartbeat. I am no expert but it sounds like he is trying to use your love or feelings for him to his advantage. From reading this it sounds like he it manipulative...manipulative people scare me as they will do anything to keep you dependent on them, that way they have control over you. You need to be strong (I know it?s easier said than done), you did the right thing. I would not be alone with him no matter how much he rants and raves (whose being the child now?). I guess I read this post at the wrong time. I myself am tired of men thinking that they can use and abuse us and that they are still so hot and sexy that we will believe all there bulls**t.

Sorry for my vent... you are doing the RIGHT THING. Stay strong, we women always have been, and always will be the stronger sex (after all we have to deal with them).

 

KyleTrigger

No ashlin I think you are reading the post the exact right way. He does 100 percent use how I feel to get the things he wants. In the beginning after we broke up it was almost impossible for me to say no and I WOULD still have sex with him, stupid I know, and not reproach him when he was late or didn't pick the kids up. Now I am as weak and I know that it isn't okay and I truly don't want him back. I just don't want to hurt anymore and i am more upset at myself then him. I have moved on to the next stage of the grieving.

I have filed for legal custody and CS for sure. It is just taking time. And I document absolutely everything. Every time i text him to pick up kids what day/time and when he shows up or doesnt show up. We have only been broken up a little under 3 months and the first SIX weeks I thought he truly wanted to work it out so I did nothing to move on or pursue legal action against him. I have no filed for a restraining order though. When I kicked him out he actually got physical with me and our neighbor saw/heard and called the police on him. He was sent to jail for it. I know i am stupid for even thinking about getting back with this man. So yes, I am afraid of him

I don't think he will pull the being late stuff with his dad and stepmom. He is afraid of daddy. He is a trust fund baby and works for his dad sooo. I believe he will be on time which is a big reason I asked for it. I dont deserve to have my kids dressed and ready to go and be sitting around not doing anything cause he is 5 hrs late!!!

Thanks for making me feel better ladies.

ashlin242000

Your a stranger to me but my heart breaks for you.  I know how it feels to want someone that does not want you back, even though you know deep in your heart thats not what you truley want.  I was with my ex for 17 years, when I was 3 months pregnant he left me and tried to isolate me from everyone (I am english so no no one in this country that is not a member of his family).  

You are not stupid, you are just confused as I was.  Sometimes you want something to work so bad you ignore you innner self. Just know that you are so much stronger than you think you are. 

I am an old mum (35 when I had Emma) feel free to contact me anytime.  I am learning this single mum thing as I go.  The most important thing to remember is that you are not alone.  There are so many women in your position and together if we support each other there is nothing we cannot accomplish. 

KyleTrigger

Thank you so much Ashlan, that means a lot to me. It does hurt because as much as my head tells me that I deserve so much better my heart and body just react so physically to this man. And for some reason I did always picture myself growing old with him, wasnt ever attracted to anyone else and was just gaga over him. Our relationship was good for a long time but then it wasn't.

Im sorry you had to go through the same thing. I guess I am an older mom too. I was 31 when DD was born and 32 when DS was born. So I am just over 32 right now. Ive been in a relationship for a long time so it is kinda lonely being by myself now. But I will admit it is nicer to be by myself then sit here with that sick feeling all the time wondering what he is doing, why he isn't coming home or who he is with!!

 

KTdidit

I think exchanging LOs in a neutral place is better for everyone involved, and especially if your ex is pulling crap like that. Keep strong and don't let him suck you back in, it gets easier over time.