Friend intentionally bragging

lilmejo

So lately I feel like a friend of mine is intentionally bragging about milestones that her daughter had hit and our DS has not. She knows we're worried about him and have called EI and she claims that her daughter does more (almost 2 months younger) because this is her 3rd child and she doesnt have time for all the baby "stuff", ohh-ing and ahh-ing over everything she does. Yet every time she does something new she is quick to email me "Oh, LO did this,and she did that" or FB'ing all about it or LO said "mama" today, knowing I've been stressing over our LO not saying any words yet. Anyway it's probably just me being over sensitive about it but it's still making me really annoyed. Just needed to vent.

grbnik

I just wanted to give you some virtual hugs! 

It is so hard not to compare babies, I think it is second nature for most of us (me, at least) and even though I tell myself I shouldn't, I still do.

For example:  my brother (my only sib) had his first daughter 1 week before DD (to the day).  My SIL and I are good friends, and we would compare stuff throughout our pregnancies.  Well, her daughter was born 3 weeks before her due date, and mine was 1 week late of my due date (to the days).  So, her DD is still working on sitting up and doesn't roll over, crawl or stand up (maybe not related to her being early, but also because she HATES tummy time, and my SIL never makes her do it).  Along with that, my DD is having huge issues with eating.  So, even though we don't mean to, we post things to FB, or send each other videos/pics of our kids doing the things we are so astonished with (her daugher was eating an entire peach one day- I was so jealous!  And, I shared with her DD's first few times of crawling, etc).  I know it hurts me a bit when I see how much gusto her DD has for eating, and I am sure it is vise versa, but I know it is not done with any intent of maliciousness.  It is just sometimes hard, I think, for us to be super happy for others, knowing that our kids are struggling.  It doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you feel more protection for your kiddo because your LO hasn't been able to reach the milestone yet.  My thoughts are:  it's human nature to feel this way.  Unless your friend is a real B word, I doubt that she means anything more to you than wanting to share in her joy of her LO.  However, I feel where you are coming from with with feeling sensitive.  I read on the 6-9 month board, or our birthday month board, about all these kids who are eating so well, or posts from moms who are worried that their children are overeating, and it makes me want to SCREAM.  I want to be in that boat. 

Just know that you aren't the only one.  I feel that way sometimes too- but I have been on the other side, and bragging it up about what my kiddo can do as well.  Never with any malicious thoughts though. 

Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, we had a long night of ear infections and little sleep last night. 

HUGS again!

Florak8

Sometimes my beautician "runs things by me" about her own NT son. I encouraged her to get an eval done if she was concerned about one aspect. She did and they said he was fine. But she continues to go on and on about how smart he is and everything he is doing. She has met my child and knows his difficulties.

It is draining to be getting my one "treat" for myself and having to listen to how great her kid is and validate it for her. I am going to try to "zone out" at my next appt and maybe she will stop talking. LOL!

It's about them, not us. Some people just need everyone to tell them how great they or their kid are. Some people are even jealous of the attention we or our kids get, because of having special needs. Don't let their issues ruin your day. Hide them on FB, ignore all the attention pleas, and have yourself a good day!:)

ETA: Some people are scared to death of our situations, so they try to compare their kids to our kids to make themselves feel better, too.

st.augbride

While the fb stuff is something to overlook, I think the emails to you over every little thing when she knows you're concerned is just plain insensitive. I guess if I were in your position, I'd say something like "I'm happy that things are going well for you, but sometimes it's hard for me to hear when we are worried about LO. I hope you understand." There's just no need to be continuously bombarded by messages from someone who seems to be insensitive like that. There is a balance, but that's not it. 

 

 

hopanka

FloraK8:

Sometimes my beautician "runs things by me" about her own NT son. I encouraged her to get an eval done if she was concerned about one aspect. She did and they said he was fine. But she continues to go on and on about how smart he is and everything he is doing. She has met my child and knows his difficulties.

It is draining to be getting my one "treat" for myself and having to listen to how great her kid is and validate it for her. I am going to try to "zone out" at my next appt and maybe she will stop talking. LOL!

It's about them, not us. Some people just need everyone to tell them how great they or their kid are. Some people are even jealous of the attention we or our kids get, because of having special needs. Don't let their issues ruin your day. Hide them on FB, ignore all the attention pleas, and have yourself a good day!:)

ETA: Some people are scared to death of our situations, so they try to compare their kids to our kids to make themselves feel better, too.

Wow! There is no way I would let the lady who is doing my facial or a massage blabber the entire time...how rude of her! You are right, this is your treat...that must be annoying to no end - especially when she is bragging about her child the whole time and she knows your child has special needs! I would tell her politely that I actually want to go into the "zen" mode for the duration of the massage/facial and enjoy my treat. That should be enough of a hint - if not, I'd be changing beauticians.

lvnbraves

While in a different situation from the special needs perspective, I wanted to share with you something that we talked about in our last parents adivsory meeting at the clinic my son attends.

The group is composed of parents who have children with CF.  Some have other compounding issues, we have one who is autistic, my son has food allergies, others were misdiagnosed for so long that their CF is advanced.  As we were talking about our upcoming family day, one of the moms said I always try to think about what I can celebrate today.  We went around the table and for each of us, it was something very, very different and to another it might be small but for each of us, it was huge.  

I know it's hard when others talk about their kids (we have friends who have a child who is 2 weeks younger than DS and their FB posts about how much he eats make me want to cry) but remember to celebrate your child's victories.  They're different, but they're yours.