Dads & Dads-to-be

Question From a Mom

Hey Dads,

 So my H finally told me that the reason he doesn't really help with diaper changes or bath time is because he isn't 100% comfortable with our daughter's private areas. I can understand this because my mom said my dad went threw the same thing. Is there anything I can do to make him feel more comfortable? He works really long hours (4 am-4 or 5 pm) and I know he is tired, but I do need help. I don't want to nag or anything because I want him to want to do things with our daughter. I work and am trying to take care of her and fulfill all of my wifely duties, but it is very hard doing it all by myself. Thanks for the help!

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Re: Question From a Mom

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  • That's a tough one...

    Maybe for a few days/weeks you have him watch/shadow you as you care for your baby girl in that arena. Maybe that will ease the transition. We are having a boy so i won't have to face that...unless the ultrasound was off! BUT, I can see the hesitation. My wife is always talking about wiping front to back and all sorts of other stuff that I've never experienced and I would feel better if I had a chance to see how it all worked before I jumped in alone. 

    Also, maybe you can give him some non private part duties to help lessen your load. Maybe he can be in charge of burping or feedings....those are pretty much unisex duties, right? Just a suggestion.

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  • Sorry, very, very lame.  I was changing female diapers as a teen boy and I was fine.  Surely he can think of a better excuse, or else he is just stupid.

    You asked, and I am telling you right now, no way....he is bs'ing you big time.  Tell him to start acting like a man instead of like a little baby himself.  It is his daughter for Christ Sake!

     

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  • imageblondie87:

    Hey Dads,

     So my H finally told me that the reason he doesn't really help with diaper changes or bath time is because he isn't 100% comfortable with our daughter's private areas. I can understand this because my mom said my dad went threw the same thing. Is there anything I can do to make him feel more comfortable? He works really long hours (4 am-4 or 5 pm) and I know he is tired, but I do need help. I don't want to nag or anything because I want him to want to do things with our daughter. I work and am trying to take care of her and fulfill all of my wifely duties, but it is very hard doing it all by myself. Thanks for the help!

    Sorry I shouldn't be on this board, but I have to say if your H is that uncomfortable with her girl parts, you might have a bigger a problem then needing help. My dad was uncomfortable with it too, for good reason, he sexually abused me for a very long time.  I hope that isn't the case, but it's something to think about.

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  • I shouldn't be on this board either as I am a mom-to-be, but just wanted to see what the conversation in here was like. I thought I would chime in on this topic. If I would have read this a week ago, I would have said that is just silly, you H is just being lazy. However, over the weekend we had lunch with friends of ours who just had a baby girl in May. I remember the dad being disappointed when they found out it was a girl, but I think really he was just nervous about all the "girl stuff" he knew nothing about. Now that she is here, he mentioned something like this to us. Not that he doesn't help his wife, he defintely does help, but he is somewhat uncomfortable with her "girl parts" still. He said "I know she is my daughter, but it just seems weird to clean her up down there". He gets werided out when poop gets on her and everything. I know he is trying to "power through" to help, but I just wanted you to know that other men have similar feelings. I don't know how to make him more comfortable with helping more, just wanted to mention that I don't think this is as strange as some people might think.

    I, on the other hand, am going to have a little boy. I am nervous about the same situation in reverse. There is just so much "stuff" down there on a little boy, it freaks me out a little. I am sure it is easier for moms anyway, but in a weird way, I get it.

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  • This being nervous about changing the opposite genders diapers is just silly.  We are all adults...we are all parents or soon to be parents....

    The idea that any parent is nervous about changing raises big time red flags for me.  There is nothing sexual in changing a diaper, and it is a newborn.  The "parts" are not even really parts at that point.

    Listen, I understand being nervous about doing things for the first few times as new parent.  Fine, whatever.  But to use gender as an excuse to not do this or that is just so completely lame.

    Unless something dark is going on, no excuse at all.  Be a parent and take care of the freaking baby....seriously!

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  • imageblondie87:

    Hey Dads,

     So my H finally told me that the reason he doesn't really help with diaper changes or bath time is because he isn't 100% comfortable with our daughter's private areas. I can understand this because my mom said my dad went threw the same thing. Is there anything I can do to make him feel more comfortable? He works really long hours (4 am-4 or 5 pm) and I know he is tired, but I do need help. I don't want to nag or anything because I want him to want to do things with our daughter. I work and am trying to take care of her and fulfill all of my wifely duties, but it is very hard doing it all by myself. Thanks for the help!

    Do you work away from home? How many kids do you have in your home? Does he feed your daughter or do other things with her? 

  • Perhaps you should let him start off with something he IS comfortable with,  since you have at least one kid together, he must be comfortable with your girl parts.  So you should wear diapers for a few days.  When you crap your pants, he can practice by changing your diaper. Once he gets good at it, just tell him tat everything is pretty much the same on DD, except things are smaller and aby poop is probably more pleasant to deal with.

     

    Good luck! 

  • imagepolooo26:

    I just wanted to get on here to say that it's not lame to be uncomftorable with this, but some sort of compramise needs to be made so you feel like he's doing his fair share of helping. 

    No, sorry, it is very, very lame.  And I ask you this....if he is "scared" to change diapers, how would giving his daughter a bath be any different??

    Change the freakin diaper!!!!  It is his daughter, not some strangers kid.  if I knew this guy I would ride the crap out of him for being such a sissy.  I think most men would, actually.  I have never, ever heard of such  thing, and I come from a HUGE Irish Catholic famil with tons of kids.  From my dad to all my uncles I have never heard such a thing.

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  • imageladyjenna13:

    This being nervous about changing the opposite genders diapers is just silly.  We are all adults...we are all parents or soon to be parents....

    The idea that any parent is nervous about changing raises big time red flags for me.  There is nothing sexual in changing a diaper, and it is a newborn.  The "parts" are not even really parts at that point.

    Listen, I understand being nervous about doing things for the first few times as new parent.  Fine, whatever.  But to use gender as an excuse to not do this or that is just so completely lame.

    Unless something dark is going on, no excuse at all.  Be a parent and take care of the freaking baby....seriously!

     

    I second this. 

    "Sometimes the littlest things take up the most room in your heart" Winnie the Pooh

  • imageSwainb:
    imageblondie87:

    Hey Dads,

     So my H finally told me that the reason he doesn't really help with diaper changes or bath time is because he isn't 100% comfortable with our daughter's private areas. I can understand this because my mom said my dad went threw the same thing. Is there anything I can do to make him feel more comfortable? He works really long hours (4 am-4 or 5 pm) and I know he is tired, but I do need help. I don't want to nag or anything because I want him to want to do things with our daughter. I work and am trying to take care of her and fulfill all of my wifely duties, but it is very hard doing it all by myself. Thanks for the help!

    Sorry I shouldn't be on this board, but I have to say if your H is that uncomfortable with her girl parts, you might have a bigger a problem then needing help. My dad was uncomfortable with it too, for good reason, he sexually abused me for a very long time.  I hope that isn't the case, but it's something to think about.

     

    I am very, very sorry that you had to go through that...really, I am. But there's no need to instill suspicion in a new mother that way.  My H was a little uncomfortable too at first...not for shady reasons, but because he was worried that he'd do it wrong or hurt her or cause her to get an infection from not doing it properly. The nurse at the hospital gave him a mini-lesson and he now changes 50% of our daughter's diapers without a second thought.

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  • imageateal2490:
    imageSwainb:
    imageblondie87:

    Hey Dads,

     So my H finally told me that the reason he doesn't really help with diaper changes or bath time is because he isn't 100% comfortable with our daughter's private areas. I can understand this because my mom said my dad went threw the same thing. Is there anything I can do to make him feel more comfortable? He works really long hours (4 am-4 or 5 pm) and I know he is tired, but I do need help. I don't want to nag or anything because I want him to want to do things with our daughter. I work and am trying to take care of her and fulfill all of my wifely duties, but it is very hard doing it all by myself. Thanks for the help!

    Sorry I shouldn't be on this board, but I have to say if your H is that uncomfortable with her girl parts, you might have a bigger a problem then needing help. My dad was uncomfortable with it too, for good reason, he sexually abused me for a very long time.  I hope that isn't the case, but it's something to think about.

     

    I am very, very sorry that you had to go through that...really, I am. But there's no need to instill suspicion in a new mother that way.  My H was a little uncomfortable too at first...not for shady reasons, but because he was worried that he'd do it wrong or hurt her or cause her to get an infection from not doing it properly. The nurse at the hospital gave him a mini-lesson and he now changes 50% of our daughter's diapers without a second thought.

    But it does sound shady.  As  man, I can assure you I have never heard of such a thing from any of my friends or uncles who have had to change their daughters diapers.  Not to say he is a molestor, but come on, it is just a diaper.  Everyone takes birthing classes now, and they spend time on how to change girls...complete with dolls and everything.  Sounds like slothy behavior to me.....

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  • I'm sorry but thats the laziest crap I've ever heared. My ex was totally lazy with diapers but gender was never the issue, he flat out didn't want poop or pee on him. Soooo coming from the other side, a mother could say she didn't want to change her sons diaper because of his boy parts? It just sounds obsurd.
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  • imagea2pfunk:

    Perhaps you should let him start off with something he IS comfortable with,  since you have at least one kid together, he must be comfortable with your girl parts.  So you should wear diapers for a few days.  When you crap your pants, he can practice by changing your diaper. Once he gets good at it, just tell him tat everything is pretty much the same on DD, except things are smaller and aby poop is probably more pleasant to deal with.

     

    Good luck! 


    LMAO
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  • imageladyjenna13:

    This being nervous about changing the opposite genders diapers is just silly.  We are all adults...we are all parents or soon to be parents....

    The idea that any parent is nervous about changing raises big time red flags for me.  There is nothing sexual in changing a diaper, and it is a newborn.  The "parts" are not even really parts at that point.

    Listen, I understand being nervous about doing things for the first few times as new parent.  Fine, whatever.  But to use gender as an excuse to not do this or that is just so completely lame.

    Unless something dark is going on, no excuse at all.  Be a parent and take care of the freaking baby....seriously!

    completely agree with this! 

  • imagedande2129:
    imagea2pfunk:

    Perhaps you should let him start off with something he IS comfortable with,  since you have at least one kid together, he must be comfortable with your girl parts.  So you should wear diapers for a few days.  When you crap your pants, he can practice by changing your diaper. Once he gets good at it, just tell him tat everything is pretty much the same on DD, except things are smaller and aby poop is probably more pleasant to deal with.

     

    Good luck! 


    LMAO

     

    This seriously made me laugh out loud and I darn it I woke my baby...Now I have to him back to sleep. 

  • Women all over the world change their son's diapers, including me, and have no issues with it other than being up to their ears in poop. Being "uncomfortable" is not an excuse. 

     

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  • Sorry I'm a complete snoop. although I don't think it's a solid excuse, I think some people are being a little crazy by suggesting your H might have weird tendencies. honestly that's the last thing you need to hear. My DH said the same thing when we had our first daughter. He had issues with the fact that sometimes he had to get into all the crevices and stuff when it was poopy and yeah it weirded him out because it wasnt something he ever had to do before. It's kind of weird being responsible for someone else's "stuff" I think but at the same time, lazyness is definitely a factor here. My hubby was basically told to suck it up and deal and he did and we have 2 daughters and when he's home he changes plenty of diapers and he is a great Dad. Your H will get over it but don't suspect him of being a perv unless you have an actual valid reason to.

  • If he doesn?t feel comfortable with this ? well rational arguments probably won?t work.  You can still try though since sometimes right frame of mind can help a person overcome psychological barrier.

    For example I would use classical psychology 101 example to demonstrate that it?s state of the mind not actions that matter in this case.  Imagine a life guard performing a mouth-to-mouth respiration on a person just pulled out of the water.  Objectively, yes there is mouth-on-mouth action but sexuality doesn?t come into it anywhere? situation and minds of the participants define real nature of the events not actual activity performed.

    Aside from that there isn't much you can do ? comfort is generally a matter of practice and repetition? you do things that need doing comfortable or not and you?ll be surprised how fast it becomes comfortable.  (I can?t think of a single thing I was comfortable with when my son was born, simply holding him in my arms was a terrifying prospect what with him been so small and fragile? bottom line ? it passes)

    P.S.  And I wouldn't worry about husband having weird tendencies, not based on a single quirk anyway.  It more than likely that what your husband feels isn?t something from within, but simply a embedded mass culture label ? ?man touching girl = BAD?
  • What a load of crap.  I have changed 1000's of diapers, both boys and girls since I was a teen.  What's his excuse going to be if/when you have a son?  Is he going to change all of a boys diapers because you are uncomfortable changin a boy?  I doubt it.  

    Also he was comfortable enough with a vagina when he got you pregnant (different I know but still) and he knew there was about a 50/50 chance of a girl so what's the hold up?  He needs to get over it, get on board and give you a break.  My wife would kill me even I ever tried that garbage.  

  • I wonder if dude is still engaging in sloth??

    Everytime I re-visit this thread I am amazed that 1) a dude would actually think this excuse would fly, and 2) how the wife is not snapping on her man for this lame excuse.

    I hope the guy is changing diapers by now.....

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