Parenting after 35
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CBH Question for 40+ Moms of 2

Hi all!

I am pregnant with our first child.  I've always wanted two children.  DH only wants one.  I guess it was always my hope that I would get pregnant easily, and I would be able to convince him to have another.  It didn't quite work out that way, but at the same time we now have 11 frosties just sitting there.  DH is concerned about our ages (by the time we have the baby I'll be 43 & he'll be 47), finances and quality of life as we get older.  I know he has a point, and I am totally open to the possibility of one and done. 

I'm just wondering for those of you who have 2,

*Did it take some thinking to decide on 2?

*Did you decide on 2 before you got pg with your first, or did you wait until after you had your first?

*Was your DH on board with 2, or did he need convincing?

*Now that you have 2, do you wish you had stuck with being one and done?

*If you're not comfortable answering that, how much more difficult is it having 2 vs 1?

*Do you and your DH both work FT?

TIA, ladies!

imageimage
image


Me = 42, DH = 46


7/10 Married and Began TTC


4/11 Referred to RE


5/11 Testing: TSH normal, AMH 0.22, FSH 14.6 = dx DOR; SA count 48 ml, 58% motil, normal morph


5/11 HSG showed tubes clear, suspected uterine polyp; SHG confirmed; surgery to remove polyp


6/11 & 7/11 Annovulatory cycle & Elevated estrogen level cycle delays start of injectible IUI


9/16/11 FSH up to 15.6, Follistim+Ovidrel+IUI=BFP (9/30) CP (10/3)


10-12/11 IUI's 2&3=BFN's, RE says IVF with OE not an option


3/2012 Moving on to DE-IVF, 3/21 D-ER-42R, 32M, 29F, 3/26 ET of 2 B+ blasts


4/5 Beta #1 = 477! 4/9 Beta #2 = 1777!! 4/25 u/s shows one little heartbeat! EDD 12/12/12



PAIF/SAIF Welcome


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Re: CBH Question for 40+ Moms of 2

  • mwdmwd member
    Eighth Anniversary 500 Comments

    I really wanted to have 2, and I am glad we stopped there. I am very happy we did have 2, don't get me wrong.  We had our last at age 41, so that did factor in, as well. 2 is harder than 1, so give it some time in making that decision if you decide to stop at one. I will say a quote from  my DS, " Charotte is my best friend!"  And no, that's not a typo, he cant say "l" very well.

    I  work full time, DH is looking for employment, so both kids go to daycare. 

    image J&C Trainfest 2012

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  • smerkasmerka member
    Ninth Anniversary 1000 Comments 100 Love Its First Answer

    I always figured I'd have two, but after my first I thought we'd be one and done.  I had a difficult delivery and right after I recovered, I found out I was pregnant again.  I was pretty devastated.  My kids are 49 weeks apart.  At any age that would be difficult, but I am really feeling my age (39).  In the end, I'm very glad things worked out this way.  My older son has a kidney issue and a speech delay so if we hadn't gotten a surprise pregnancy, I'm pretty sure we wouldn't have tried for another, but I would have always felt guilty about not giving DS1 a sibling.  

    Two is harder than one.  DH is a teacher and I mostly stay home.  Good luck with your decision. 

  • PeskyPesky member

    *Did it take some thinking to decide on 2?

    No.  We knew we wanted DD to have a sibling before we even got pg.  The real question was going for more.

    *Did you decide on 2 before you got pg with your first, or did you wait until after you had your first?

    Before.

    *Was your DH on board with 2, or did he need convincing?

    He was on board.  Dreading it because the first year is rough, but on board.  I think he might have pushed for a larger age gap but we're both glad it is only 2 yrs.

    *Now that you have 2, do you wish you had stuck with being one and done?

    Absolutely not.  Now they are old enough to play together and they get along (for the most part) so well. 

    *If you're not comfortable answering that, how much more difficult is it having 2 vs 1?

    It is more difficult.  You are juggling the demands of 2 kids, along with maintaining your own relationship with DH and each child separately and often refereeing the relationship between the two of them.  It is more work -- no lie.  Question is is it worth it and for us the answer is a resounding yes.

    *Do you and your DH both work FT?

    Yes.  DH travels quite a bit and my job has increased in demands as I've moved up the chain.  It still works out okay.


    image
    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO


  • *Did it take some thinking to decide on 2? = not really, the real decision was to have kids at all ... neither of us ever really wanted to be parents.

    *Did you decide on 2 before you got pg with your first, or did you wait until after you had your first? = good question, if we had a girl first, it is likely that we would have stopped at one.  but the thought of raising an entitled, spoiled white boy just killed me ... i knew he would need a sibling.

    *Was your DH on board with 2, or did he need convincing? = after your baby is born and you both fall in love, it won't be hard to convince ... but for us, the answer was no, he didn't really need convincing.

    *Now that you have 2, do you wish you had stuck with being one and done? = no, in fact i wish we were younger, we would probably have another.

    *If you're not comfortable answering that, how much more difficult is it having 2 vs 1? = so far, i have not found it incredibly difficult ... it was emotionally hard dealing with the jealousy at first ... and it can be a bear to try and do bedtime when dh has to stay late ... but again, i personally have not found it to be much harder than 1.

    *Do you and your DH both work FT? = yup

    FYI 

    i was 39 and dh 49 when ds1 was born ...

    i was almost 43 and dh 52 when ds2 joined us ... 

     

  • My situation isn't exactly the same as yours.  I had two children in my 30's, but decided to go for the 3rd at 41.  We went into it with our eyes wide open and we have been blessed with a good sleeper, but wow, the workload seems to have increased exponentially.  We have a big age gap between the kids so I am parenting toddlers and pre-teens.  Makes for a busy day, but we don't regret a second of it.

    I work full time and so does DH.  We are both a lot busier at work than we were in our 30s, but we are making all work and we are loving having a baby in the house again.  Good luck with your decision.

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