Petrified of having another baby, am I alone?

mollybloom

I love DD more than I could have ever imagined. She is the greatest thing that I have ever done and that has ever been mine.

She was also a nightmare of a baby. She had severe GERD that cause 42 esophogeal ulcers, she deemed 'failure to thrive' due to no weight gain because the tiny amount of milk she would actually drink shot right back with projectile vomiting. She was on meds at 5 weeks of age.

She also had horrible colic. Every. Single. Night. She would start at 4pm and scream until 11pm. She did this from 5 weeks until 4 months of age.

But, she had the trifecta. She had a 17 degree congenital Torticollis head tilt that required months of PT and roughly 4 hours of stretches every day.

She is now 10.5 months and things have gotten so much easier, but she is still very intense and has the sleeping issue that is so common with post-colic babies. DH and I have started talking about getting pregnant with #2. I am terrified. We don't want to wait too long, as I willbe 35 soon. However, I cannot wrap my mind around having a toddler and another baby like Evangeline.

I know that the chance of having another with all of her issues is probably not too high, but I am so scared that lightening will strike twice.

Titts McGeee

Poor little punkin and poor momma! We didn't have nearly that amount of issues, but LO was very high needs and also colicky until 4 or 5 months. I am just crossing my fingers that I get an easy one for #2 after what we went through with #1. But basically, yes I'm petrified.

mollybloom

Titts McGeee:

Poor little punkin and poor momma! We didn't have nearly that amount of issues, but LO was very high needs and also colicky until 4 or 5 months. I am just crossing my fingers that I get an easy one for #2 after what we went through with #1. But basically, yes I'm petrified.

I am sending you easy baby dust.

jenmom2girls

Wow! that sounds like way more than one set of parents should have to deal with.

We are trying for our second, and I am so excited and scared at the same time. I know this is what we want and I don't want to put it off anymore, so just going to do it.

Titts McGeee

mollybloom:

Titts McGeee:

Poor little punkin and poor momma! We didn't have nearly that amount of issues, but LO was very high needs and also colicky until 4 or 5 months. I am just crossing my fingers that I get an easy one for #2 after what we went through with #1. But basically, yes I'm petrified.

I am sending you easy baby dust.

Right back atcha! (save it for when/if you're ready)

gimmietimmies

DS is s/n and it's always been crazy busy with him. I was petrified until T turned 2 that something was going to go wrong, it caused anxiety attacks. I realized that even if something bad happened, I wouldn't go back. I don't regret anything about the girls, and having to deal with ds made me a calmer mom. Sorry that things went so rough with lo, have you talked to someone about your concerns?

mom2pottamus

My first had issues, although far different than yours, and I can't imagine how good you are feeling getting to the other side in the grand scheme of things if you were to have another baby exactly the same...you would be able to do it all again. You already got through it once so you know that its not forever (a FTM never knows)

 

I was sooo scared my 2nd would be the same and she was completely different.  She was a total dream baby.  It does happen!

delg23

We didn't have those medical issues but DS1 was extremely cranky until 7 months.  DS2 is waaaaaaay easier.

laurakaz13

I am so sorry for all the issues your poor DD had to go through.  I do understand colic, as LO had it for 5 weeks.  She screamed for 5 hours straight per night as well.  She's been an angel since the 3 month mark, but I still cannot imagine another one. 

On top of this, I suffered from 7 months of horrifying morning sickness.  I'm talking throwing up every single day, unable to keep any food down, etc.  It was AWFUL. 

Because of all this, I may be one and done.  But a tiny, tiny part of me would kind of like a sibling for DD.  Ugh... I don't know! 

mollybloom

gimmietimmies:

DS is s/n and it's always been crazy busy with him. I was petrified until T turned 2 that something was going to go wrong, it caused anxiety attacks. I realized that even if something bad happened, I wouldn't go back. I don't regret anything about the girls, and having to deal with ds made me a calmer mom. Sorry that things went so rough with lo, have you talked to someone about your concerns?

I have. I was diagnosed with PPA stemming from her rough start. I have been taking Zoloft for a while now and I am weaning off it now. My therapist says that it would be odd if I didn't have these concerns and fears. He also loves to point out that I dealt with it once and I have a lot of tools, strategies at my disposal from Evangeline.

mollybloom

laurakaz13:

I am so sorry for all the issues your poor DD had to go through.  I do understand colic, as LO had it for 5 weeks.  She screamed for 5 hours straight per night as well.  She's been an angel since the 3 month mark, but I still cannot imagine another one. 

On top of this, I suffered from 7 months of horrifying morning sickness.  I'm talking throwing up every single day, unable to keep any food down, etc.  It was AWFUL. 

Because of all this, I may be one and done.  But a tiny, tiny part of me would kind of like a sibling for DD.  Ugh... I don't know! 

 I am sorry you had such a horrid pregnancy. That must have been awful.

LnR70707

While I didn't have anywhere near as rough a time as what you describe, I am nervous for reasoning along those lines.   In addition to all the IF stuff, my pregnancy with DS was high risk (big SCH and past uterine abnormalities) I was on bed rest for 3 weeks and restricted activity until 25 weeks.   Since I now have a history of PTL to add to all of that, I could very well be looking at restricted activity the whole time.   We were very, very lucky in that DS was only in the NICU a week, but I don't know how I'll handle DS at home and one in the NICU for even that amount of time, and I'm terrified of needing hospital bedrest.  No matter what I do, I'll feel like I'm choosing one child over the other.  DS also had bad reflux and was on meds from 3 weeks, but thankfully he was a happy spitter for the most part. 

I know a baby and a toddler will be a lot to handle no matter how things work out, but I don't want to look back 5 years from now and wish we'd had our kids closer or started cycling for #2 sooner (in case our 1st FET isn't a BFP), so FET is set for sept.

missymo

This is why I am one and done.  My little lady did NOT have the severe problems yours did (I'm sorry you had to go through that), but her issues were enough to put me off the idea of having another baby. EVER.  

From the moment she was born she was a voracious eater.  Kid ate every 1.5 to 3 hours until she was 6 months old.  No 5 hour stretches of night sleep - or even 4! Just eat, eat, eat.  And she never slept.  She was one of those 2 half hour naps a day infants. She wasn't crying all the time, but she wasn't sleeping.

She is a joy as a toddler, but I just can't go through that again.   I don't think the muscles in my arms could take another 25lb 8 month old.  And she was only 6.5 at birth!  

WildcatPrincess

Oh my, you went through the wringer! Poor girls. Our issues weren't as severe, but I was scarred by DD, she was close to 9 months old before I really could enjoy her. She screamed from 6-10 every night until after 3 months, didn't sleep at all ever, had to be held for naps until she was about 8 months old, and would NOT be put down. Ever.

DS is her polar opposite, I feel so lucky. He has slept independently from day one, hates being worn, prefers being on the floor or in the swing to play. We had no witching hour with him at all, there are babies that don't scream! DD is still currently my biggest challenge as she is still high strung and stubborn as anything. Crazy kid, keeps me on my toes.

caprocornia

I am nervous of getting pregnant again as well, but for different reasons.  I got gallstones during my first pregnancy, which resulted in about 5 ER trips, and 3 hospital admissions, 1 of which meant a transfer to a hospital in the city for a 5 night stay and the very real possibility of an early delivery (which didn't end up happening).  Despite having my gallbladder out, I continue to have recurrent pancreatitis.  The pain is excruciating.  I am so afraid to do it all again.  It's a different story now, with an LO at home, than it was then.  We can't just pick up and go to the ER anymore. I'm in the process of getting tests done to find some answers, but there may not be any.

Two years ago, I said I couldn't, and now here I am, prepared to do so.  In the end, you just have to do what is best for your family and know that you will get through whatever you need to in the end.  Best of luck to you!

mrsminkles

I would be nervous too, I was for #2 and #3. Our dd was colicky until about 10 months. I can't imagine going through what you went through, that's beyond draining. but she's beautiful, and you are a wonderful mother! Hopefully that wouldn't happen again, but you are definitely normal to worry and have fears of going through that a second time. 

gimmietimmies

mollybloom:

gimmietimmies:

DS is s/n and it's always been crazy busy with him. I was petrified until T turned 2 that something was going to go wrong, it caused anxiety attacks. I realized that even if something bad happened, I wouldn't go back. I don't regret anything about the girls, and having to deal with ds made me a calmer mom. Sorry that things went so rough with lo, have you talked to someone about your concerns?

I have. I was diagnosed with PPA stemming from her rough start. I have been taking Zoloft for a while now and I am weaning off it now. My therapist says that it would be odd if I didn't have these concerns and fears. He also loves to point out that I dealt with it once and I have a lot of tools, strategies at my disposal from Evangeline.

Two thumbs up for your therapist, those fears are normal, so's dealing with PPS or anxiety, depression or paranoia (in general). He's right though, you've got the tools, the hard part if overcoming the fear. It took me a long time to get past mine, along with the anxiety attacks.

Even if you decide not to have another lo, you'll have to cope with the PPA, even after you come off Zoloft. You got this far, right? You're stronger than you think. Chin up, you're doing great!

mrebecca

Oh my goodness, that's a lot to deal with!
I can't wait to grow another baby.

BabyShipp

Sorry to hear of the issues you had.  My story is opposite but reasons like yours are why I'm quite nervous with this pregnancy.

DD was a very easy baby and is really an easy toddler.  I often have the thought "what are you getting yourself into?  stop while you're ahead"  

I'm excited about this pregnancy, but I think just knowing all the things that could go wrong are making my nervous.  

Best of luck to you!! 

LoveBeingAWife33008

My DD was also a very hard baby. I am currently pregnant and terrified as well. Everyone says that the second baby is so much easier. I pray for us that this is true.

MJHershey

i can understand the concern! Don't you wish you can get a glimpse ahead to see what LO #2 would be like?

I have the opposite problem. Past the first 6 weeks or so, and once he was on Zantac, LO has been such a good little guy, happy, funny, and sweet... and pretty healthy.

So I am afraid the next one will be a whammy.  I am also approaching 35 (next June) so we have to decide and start TTC in winter (we have a scuba trip in Fall)...

DragonflyBelle

Juliana was demanding from second 1 of her life. GERD, allergic asthma, thousands in pedi and hospital bills, tubes, constant ear infections before the tubes. She was SOOOOOO difficult those first two years of life.

I was terrified to have another child because I didn't know if I could handle another baby like her (she is an awesome big kid) and deal with her being jealous and juggling two kids with a husband who travels for work.

Rosalie is SOOOO easy, and I think it's because I am a STM and she is a fat, healthy, happy baby who is very easy-going.

I am very glad I had the hard one first though!

 

ETA: COLIC....Juliana had BAD colic for two months straight.