Evals arrived - DH is having a hard time. Advice needed.

malcivar

So, as you know we're going through the evals to transition DS1 from EI to pre-school.  I had a very positive conversation with the program coordinator at the school we're interested in.  I'm glad I talked to her first.  She emphasized the positive because as we all know - our kids don't do so well on paper. 

The evals were what I expected.  Lots of "significant delay" and "standard deviation" and a whole laundry list of stuff Chris should be doing but isn't, etc etc.  His CARS score went down from 33 to 31.5 but now, instead of PDD, the term "mild to moderate" autism appeared.  And he apparently needs a lot more OT help than we ever imagined.

Surprisingly, I'm not "crushed".  I'm sad that now we're talking about autism but I think I got all my despair and crying out when we first had his evaluation 9 months ago.  DH, on the other hand, is freaking out a little bit. I think maybe Chris's reality just hit him. Up until now, he's been the one comforting me, telling me that it'll be ok but now I'm wondering if it's because deep down inside, it wasn't actually a reality for him yet and now it is.  He's quiet - too quiet - and he keeps asking me about my sister (she's technically "emotionally disturbed" but we're more inclined to think she's undiagnosed autistic) and her schooling and how she got her job, etc.  I also heard him on the phone with his mom asking about his brother (he has Aspergers). 

I know men are different in how they process things - any advice on how I can help him through this? 

Thanks

ntyravgmom

ITA with giving him time to process everything.

I'm a little concerned with him looking to those who went through it so many years ago. Times are so very different with the laws and such for children with autism today. You're son has opportunities that children just didn't have back then. There really weren't resources then to help those and most of it was because very few people knew about it. PDD or mild to moderate gives your son a great advantage to learn things through both EI and pre-k. I would suggest that he speak with your sons team at the pre-k. They should be able to let you know all that they offer and how they can help him. Those 2 1/2 years in pre-k made a huge difference in my son's education. I would also look into who your school district's advocate is. There is much to learn, but our children CAN succeed. 

malcivar

I think he reached out to my parents and his because he sees both my sister and his brother as success stories - granted my sister's social delays are much more noticeable than his brother's, but his brother is currently in college and doing quite well socially.  He has more friends now than he ever had in high school.  I think it's because in college is where some kids learn that you don't have to be a copy of everyone else and they learn to accept those that are different.  And my sister, even with all her difficulties, has been able to maintain a job for 15 years - at a pretty decent place.  So, if they can make, then so can Chris. 

He's doing better.  I was sad the other day saying I dread the day Chris asks us why he's "different" and his answer was awesome.  He said, "I'll tell him, everybody's different." 

On a side note, both his mom and my mom were tremendous advocates for their children getting them all the help available.  We have some pretty strong pillars to draw strength from should we need to.  :-)