What kind of parent are you/do you hope to be?

jillianmb

I love lurking on the attachment parent board (although lately it has become a cycle of baby-wearing and elimination communication question which is less fun).  I hope to be an attachment parent-er (word?) myself.  I love things with a hippy "crunchy granola" (as my mom would say) flare. 

From my childcare experience (nanny/daycare provider) I do know that I am pretty strict about obedience when it comes to safety (ie: running away from me at the park) and will use timeouts as a last resort, without guilt. 

I'll also probably be pretty strict about healthy eating.  DH's dad has pancreatic cancer and as per his doctor's advice, as a couple we follow a cancer preventative diet with no high fructose corn syrup and organic meat and dairy (as much as possible- some exceptions).  I'll try not to be that mom judging everyone else's food choices, but I know I will always cringe when I see kids drinking pop or eating corn dogs etc.  I think I will have to loosen up a little about this because I know I won't always have control over it. 

 So tell me what kind of parent do you hope to be?  Would you consider yourself mainstream or more off the beaten path? What are the major philosophies you'll adhere to?  Have you thought about things like discipline, lifestyle choices, etc?

Dr.Loretta

I haven't really followed a parenting style. We have made a point to do more positive discipline than we ever came close to experiencing as children. But time-outs happen regularly around here. That's what happens with a toddler. We were already getting rid of HFCS in the house well before DD, and we're more aware of food for a variety of reasons, but again we're not following any particular system. We're still carnivores. I BW, CD, and did a slightly delayed vax schedule. But DD has still had McDonalds more than once.

baze2

I think we will be along the lines of Drloretta...However, I want to make all my own baby food (with organic veggies) since I won't be BF so this is important to me. Also I want to instill healthy eating on a daily basis. Healthy choices. DH and I don't eat fast food so I don't think that will be a problem..however we are carnivores (smoking some pork shoulder right now for pulled pork bbq with home made bbq sauce of course).

I want to guide with positives rather than correct all the time..smart choices etc

silliestbunny

We wear our girls a lot and I love it.  We cloth diaper and I love it.  My girls have eaten naturally (all real food/no jars or "baby food") and  I love it.

We tend to pick and choose from different parenting styles.  Moderation is big in my book.  We believe in be age appropriate with all interactions and being deliberate in our what we do.

We don't do a lot of extra stuff with our girls.  I think that there's so much (in our area) that moms spend time doing that is just not necessary.  Security and happiness are my objectives at this point in their lives.  I don't need to have a different toddler and music class every day to do that w/them. 

Oh, yes... one biggee is we are a no television household when the kids are awake.  This is the one thing I feel strongly about and won't compromise.   We aren't crazy about it... they've seen clips of news on TV in the am or Dad checking a sports score but they've not seen any child programming or watched anything for more than a few second.  We will likely continue no TV until age three where it will be very limited.  This was hard... DH and I loved having our TV on as background noise... so it was a habit that we had to conciously break

silliestbunny

PS-  We couldn't delay vaccinations until adoptions were finalized which was in the eleventh month so this wasn't even a consideration.  Took that choice away from me.  

 

Art Teacher

I tend to have more of a routine.  I try to give dd choices when I can.  I try to be clear on what I expect from her (on a 2 year old level.)  I do use time outs but we don't have to use them very often. 

I really encourage dd to be creative.  I'm an art teacher, so I have lots of experience with that.  We paint, draw, build, etc. on a daily basis.

I made most of dd's baby food because I could and because it was cheaper for us.  I loved doing it.   

We spaced out her vaccinations when she was going to get a lot all at once.

I don't let her drink pop/soda, tea, or other sugary drinks. 

She gets a couple snacks throughout the day but it's usually fruit or crackers.  My MIL seems to think she should be eating some snack every night at bedtime.  Um...no.  I did that as a younger child/ teenager and I just think it's not a great habit to start.

 

silliestbunny

HAV=FAITH  -  you cracked me up... sometimes board get a little judge-ish over silly things.  I love your list.... made me smile.

 Fred-  your list made me smile too. 

I'll add to my list-  enjoying every small thing as much as the big things is important to me.  Simple is good in my book.

jillianmb

Hav=Fath:

Oh... I got FLAMED once on the SAHM board when I said that I was going to have enough control over Hadley so that when I told her to wear a specific outfit that she should be able to do so without much fight, but that if there was a fight, I would win. They told me I was horrible and that clothes should never be pushed on a child no matter the circumstance... I'm talking, "Hadley we are going to church, please pick from one of these 3 dresses..." they said that was cruel and I was a bad mom... that I had an iron fist. I disagree. I'm the mom, she is the child... I think they need/want direction.  

 

 

Love your list!  I think it is awesome that you are so reflective on your upbringing and are so intentional about the decisions you make.  

With respect to the clothing choice, I'm with you.  I mean I am all for letting kids have creativity and wearing weird things once and a while, but I think letting them choose from 3 choices for church is perfectly acceptable.  Kids have to learn what's appropriate and they have to learn that you, as the parent, have authority.  Not iron fist authority, but authority in the sense that you have rules to protect and provide for them.  Weird that you got flamed for something so reasonable! 

srmmm09

Man this is a tough question for me bc DS is at this really difficult stage. He's always testing, but he's not old enough to really communicate a lot back to me (and, let's face it, there are a lot of times where he doesn't even know what he wants, just that something's wrong and I'm the one who fixes it). He throws tantrums and hits and pinches and bites, at 16 months! It's hard to know how to discipline him at all in a way that's gentle and respectful but that also gets through to him.

For example, we have a gas oven (and don't have the money to buy an electric, even if there is a proper hook-up for it back there), so obviously the knobs are "no touch." But if I'm cooking and he wants me to hold him (putting him in the high chair or even in the sling is not enough), he touches the knobs to get me to pay attention to him. Of course I want to pay attention to him, but sometimes I do have to make dinner, you know? 4 days out of the week, my husband gets of work at 5:30 and goes back at 7, so there's a time frame going.

Right now we hold his hands down and repeat that it's no touch and not safe, but I've even tried giving a little flick to his fingers, but I won't do it hard enough to hurt him, and it doesn't get his attention at all. Merrrrr...

It's just things like that. I love APing and I want to be a gentle momma, but I don't have a gentle baby, and it can be hard not to end up telling E to stop doing things more than we get to have fun together.

I don't know, now that I think through our days, that may be a little bit of an exaggeration, but I hate HATE the thought of our wonderful son getting the impression that we think he's a bad kid. Even though he is really disobedient right now.

Being a parent is so strange. How can someone be so delightful AND so frustrating, sometimes at the very same time? 

DaisyZH

I also lurk on the attachment parenting board!  I want to be a gentle parent, I want to avoid yelling as much as possible.  I want my children to eat healthy and to be as active as possible.  I think the most important thing is I want my kids to grow up to be kind, I want them to think of others and what they can do to help others, animals, the environment, etc.  I want them to follow their dreams and not think they have to do what everyone else is doing. 

erinmc1

As PAP's, we have had TONS of time to talk about/think about this topic.  I read a book about natural consequences, and I think, as long as our child's not in any physical danger, this is a great parenting method.  My mom always kind of shielded me from the results of my poor decisions or inaction, and it made me an indecisive person, who's afraid of failure.  She never let me fail small, so I'm terrified of failing big.

We're going to have a lot of family tension about this, because our parents
(his especially) are raring to spoil, but I'm HUGE on our child not having a ton of toys and stimuli.  I think so many kids now are ADD and hyperactive because they're constantly surrounded by so much crap.  My folks made me give up or donate a toy most times when I got a new one, and that not only taught me to take care of and be grateful for what I was given, but taught me to sacrifice to those less fortunate.  

I want my child to be able to play independently, with or without friends there.  S/he needs to learn that the world doesn't revolve around her/his whims, and playing independently helps foster creativity and imagination.  This won't be all the time, obviously, but for a little while every day so there can be adult time.  When I was a military wife, and all the other ladies had kids, the guys hung out together, and the women wouldn't let the kids play unsupervised for one single moment.  I always thought that was a disservice to everyone involved.  As long as things are noisy, everyone's ok.

I want to offer my child small choices, like HAV=FAITH, as far as clothes and things, and then they can feel like there are rules and guidance, but still have pride in making a decision.  As s/he gets older, the choices will grow in importance, and level of responsibility.

Obviously, this is all hypothetical since we aren't parents yet, but it's Plan A.