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Pregnant after 35
benoitfan
member
MEMORIAL POST FOR SEAN (karenannmark)
benoitfan
member
Hello ladies,
As promised here is the post for Karen and her husband dedicated to the loving memory of her precious son, Sean. She knows it is here. Please leave a message to her and Mark. Bible verses, poems, PIP of candles lit in Sean's name or any message of condolence is appropriate and appreciated.
I hope this little show of love and support brings Karen and her husband some comfort during the grieving process. I know we all wish more than anything that this wasn't necessary and that there was more we could do to help.
Continued Thoughts and Prayers for Karen, Mark, their family and of course their Angel, Sean.
((HUGS))
EDIT: I know a fellow bumpie that has Karen's mailing address in Ireland if you would like it to send a card, PM me and I will pass your info on to that bumpie and she can pass on the details. Also, I have PMd Karen the link to this post as, it may just be too much for her to read all the messages right now, but she may want to as some point down the road.
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Re: MEMORIAL POST FOR SEAN (karenannmark)
First off Karen, let me offer you my most deepest condolences. I can not even begin to imagine what you are going through at this time. I have suffered a pregnancy loss, but I was never even close to bringing my lo home, like you were with Sean. I am so sorry that you find yourself here.
I ran across this poem recently and thought it probably speaks volumes to your love for Sean. I thought it was beautiful and wanted to share it with you today, in Sean's honour.
I thought of you with love today, but that is nothing new.
I thought about you yesterday and the day before that too.
I think of you in silence. I often say your name.
But all I have are memories and your picture in a frame.
Your memory is my keepsake, with which I'll never part.
God has you in His keeping. I have you in my heart.
I shed tears for what might have been. A million times I've cried.
If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly. In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place no one can ever fill.
It broke my heart to lose you but you didn't go alone
for part of me went with you, the day God took you home
I am so very sorry for your loss. You will always be Sean's Mother, please never let anyone tell you different.
With love and hugs and deepest sympathies.
Kelly
When my nephew died, one of the things that brought us the most comfort was the floral arrangement my aunt sent. Amongst all the white roses and carnations, a single bright sunflower stood out like ray of hope. There is nothing I can say, no words I can offer, that will make this easier. So, I give you a field of sunflowers in hopes you can find light in the dark.
What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us. -Helen Keller
Hi Karen,
All week I've been thinking of a Japanese practice that memorializes the loss of infants and children. I'm not sure why since it's been 14 years since I took a survey of Japanese history class, but my vague memories of learning about this have kept coming back to me since learning of your loss.
Basically Shintoism is the co-religion with Buddhism in Japan. When someone loses a child in Japan they can place Ema(prayer plaques) or personal effects in any Shinto shrine one finds. Anywhere, anytime you feel the need to remember your child - whether it's at a big, ornate temple or a road side shrine - you can say a prayer and leave a monument to your loss.
I tried to find a picture to PIP but couldn't, and didn't want to search for an official description because I like the idea that has settled in my mind - especially over the last week.
This isn't a prayer and it might not make much sense. I just liked the idea of it.
I hope you and Sean are coping and finding comfort in each other.
-Heather
My Blog
Karen,
"May there be angels to uplift you, prayers to empower you and love to turn your fears to faith"
Sharon
Karen and Mark-
I am so very sorry for the loss of your precious boy. I have been thinking of you both a lot and sending prayers that you will find comfort in your love for each other. I am not sure if you are religious but I went to our church and tomorrow morning at 10:45AM Mass at St. Anthony's Church, Father Walker will be saying it in honor of Sean James. Please know that I am here if you ever need to talk.
Hugs to you and you family, Amelia
Karen-
I know there are no words that can make things better, but please know that your family is in my prayers each day. I found this poem about what makes a mother and I hope that it brings you some comfort.
What Makes A Mother
I thought of you and closed my eyes
And prayed to God today
I asked, "What makes a Mother?"
And I know I heard him say
A Mother has a baby
This we know is true
But, God, can you be a mother
When your baby's not with you?
Yes, you can he replied
With confidence in his voice
I give many women babies
When they leave it is not their choice
Some I send for a lifetime
And others for the day
And some I send to feel your womb
But there's no need to stay.
I just don't understand this God
I want my baby here
He took a breath
and cleared his throat
And then I saw a tear
I wish I could show you
What your child is doing Here
If you could see your child smile
With other children and say
"We go to earth to learn our lessons
of love and life and fear,
but My mommy loved me so much
I got to come straight here!"
I feel so lucky to have a Mom who
had so much love for me
I learned my lessons very quickly
My Mommy set me free.
I miss my Mommy oh so much
But I visit her each day
When she goes to sleep
On her pillow is where I lay
I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek
And whisper in her ear
"Mommy, Please don't be sad today
I'm your baby and I am here"
So you see my dear sweet one
Your children are okay
Your babies are here in My home
And this is where they'll stay
They'll wait for you with Me
Until your lessons there are through
And on the day that you come home
they'll be at the gates waiting for you
So now you see
What makes a Mother
It's the feeling in your heart
It's the love you had so much of
Right from the very start
~Author Unknown
Dear Karen and Mark,
There are no words, but the poet and minister John Donne had a few back in the 17th century:
"No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main; if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were; any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee" (Meditation XVII)
In other words, though your burden is the hardest of all, we all share in your loss, as it is also our own, as we are all connected to one another. My thoughts are with you.
Karen and Mark,
I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby boy, Sean. I think of you often and am glad to know that you are surrounding yourselves with love and comfort and this most difficult time.
I will be lighting a candle in honor of Sean at mass on Sunday - 11:30am St. Francis of Assisi.
Please feel free to email me if you want to talk or if you need anything, when you are up to it.
Much love and prayers to your family. You have my deepest sympathy. Rachel
Karen and Mark,
I lack the ability to eloquently express my sympathies. But, I wanted you to know that I have prayed for you and your precious son, and hope that you find comfort in each other and peace in your hearts.
Me: 36, DH: 42
Dx: DOR and MFI
DH: low count + very low motility; hormones all normal; Sperm DNA Frag. test = poor to fair; male karyotyping normal
Me: FSH 13.4 + AMH 0.26 + hypothyroidism; Scratch the hypothyrodism (?); Blood clotting and immune panel all negative; endometrial biopsy normal
IVF #1 (MDLF - Jul/Aug 2011): BFN (9R, 5M, 3F with ICSI, 3dt of 1 10-cell grade 2, no frosties)
IVF #2 (EP-antagonist - Sep/Oct 2011): BFN (6R, 4M, 3F w/ ICSI, 3dt of 1 6-cell, 1 7-cell, grade 4s, no frosties)
DE IVF #1 (shared cycle - June 2012): c/p (6R, 6F w/ICSI, 3dt 1 8-cell grade A- and 1 7-cell grade A-; no frosties)
DE IVF #2 (shared cycle with new donor - Nov/Dec/ 2012): - BFP!!!!! 12/14/12. U/S on 12/27 shows twins!!!!!
SAIFW/PAIFW
Sweet Karen,
Not a day has gone by this week that you have not been on my mind. I know your baby Sean will forever be your guardian angel. He is filled with light and peace and knows no pain. I wish I had magic words that would help you heal but all I can tell you is how truly sorry I am and how I will continue to pray that you and Mark find peace.
Karen and Mark,
I can think of no words to comfort you during this time. Just know that you and your precious Sean have been in my thoughts, and I wish you whatever comfort you can get at this time.
Robin
Oh Karen.
I haven't been on The Bump in months, and something drew me here last week. I was beyond sad to learn of the loss of your precious Sean.
Life can be so freaking unfair. You are a lovely, lovely person who deserves every good thing. I hope that you find some small comfort in the amazing words expressed by the ladies here.
Know that he will not be forgotten. Much love, and many hugs, to you.
xoxoxox
Cat
dear Karen
I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I feel like you and I shared so much during our pregnancies that I feel so close to you. There hasn't been a moment since you posted the news of your loss that I haven't thought of you and felt torn apart for your loss of your precious baby boy. It is not fair that this happened. Its simply not fair. I hurt inside for you and sean and I will think of him everyday as my daughter grows up. If I could take this away for you I would. I hope to get to stay close to you, but I will understand if that is not what is best for you. I wish you and Mark lots of love and comfort and peace, and I will be praying for you and all of your family.
xoxoxoxo
Jess
Dear Karen and Mark,
I wish I had the right words to give you comfort and ease your pain, but I do not. You are always in our thoughts and our prayers, and not a day goes by that we have not thought of Sean. One day, you will see your precious Sean again and be reunited for eternity. I pray that your wounds and hearts heal and you find comfort and peace.
With deepest sympathy,
Sheila
Karen,
Words cannot express how unfair this is. My heart aches for you and your family. I wish there was something to say other than I'm sorry. You have been through so much and deserve so much better. Take care of yourself and know that you have so many people that care from afar.
April
Dear Karen,
I think of you and your family each day and pray that you might know God's healing presence during this unthinkably difficult time.
It is my hope that you are able to take time to remember sweet Sean and the joy that he brought you while you were together. As you make your way forward, I hope that you can be calm in your soul and listen to what your grief needs from you along the way.
May the peace that passes all understanding be with you and Mark.
Sending my love and care to you across the miles,
Emily
Karen, I think of you and your sweet baby boy often. I am so sorry for your great loss and hope that the love of your friends and family give you strength to carry you through in your time of grief. I thought I would share this poem...you are in my thoughts and prayers. Lori
I never got to hear you laugh
you never saw me cry
didnt get a chance to say "Hello"
you never said "Goodbye"
I didn't think that I could feel
so sad, lost and forlorn.
I never knew God chose his Angels
before some of them were born.
Your life was short yet special
I shared it all exclusively
I felt you breathe, I felt you kick.
You were alive inside of me.
Every baby is an Angel
and every angel is divine
God needed one in heaven
He came down and took mine
And although we are not together
we're not really apart
for you'll always occupy a space
deep within my heart.
Time has begun to ease my pain
It's only some days now I cry.
When I wish I could have said "Hello"
and heard you say "Goodbye"
~Author Unknown
Karen and Mark -
No one should have to endure the loss of a child. My heart aches for you as I know your pain well. Be there for one another as no one else can understand how you feel. This song makes me cry every time I hear it but it also brings me great comfort because it says what I could never put into words. Hugs to you and your family. I pray that time helps you heal.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTdqdOC2DtI
Karen
Karen, I don't "know" you because I started posting on TTC 35+ after you graduated, but I lost my son when he was 22 months old so I thought it might help you to hear from someone who has been through something similar. I remember people promising me that it will get better; that it won't always feel this way; that someday you will be able to think of your son and smile. I wanted to punch people when they told me this, but it turns out they were right.
For right now, I hope that you will let people take care of you - whether it's friends, family, professionals or your community. If you are not up to it ask someone to gather resources for you. I discovered a whole community of caregivers in my town who focus on infant and child loss, from massage to therapists and counselors to acupuncturists and other kinds of healer-types. (Your local NICU may be a place to start.) Let people bring you dinner, pay your bills, clean your house. Get a prescription to help you sleep. Do whatever you need to bring comfort, even if it is fleeting.
It has been nearly two years for me and the pain is still at times debilitating. But grief can be a transformative process and my life and my relationships have been enriched beyond anything I could have imagined by this experience. It sounds so cheesy but I experience everything so much more intensely now - whether it's sadness or joy. You will be surprised by the positive things that will come out of this, and while it can't give you back what you have lost, it can help. I like to think of it as my son's gift to me.
I hope that you are surrounded by love and comfort right now. I will continue to hold you, Mark and Sean in my heart and hope for better days ahead. Please feel free to PM me any time. I have lots of resources on grief and bereavement that I am happy to share. Right now, it's just about putting one foot in front of the other.
TTC #2 since July 2010
March 2012 IVF (MDL Protocol) Started stims 3/3; ER 3/11 (9R, 8M, 7F) ET 3/16 (5dt of 2 blasts graded 3AB and 3BA, 3 frosties(!!) Beta 3/26 = 386; Beta 3/28 = 827; u/s 4/11 says TWINS! Boy/Girl Twins delivered at 36 weeks 6 days
Karen,
I don't "know" you and am really late to this, but in case you are still checking in I just wanted to tell you that I think of you and your Sean often. I am so very sorry for your loss. There really are no words. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.