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October 2011 Moms
~~FFFC~~
This discussion has been closed.
Re: ~~FFFC~~
Sorry Crystal
I have to admit I feel sorta similarly, but I am pretty sure we will have one more. I sometimes feel like I'm not cut out for this... it is not at all easy and I feel overwhelmed most of the time. I really miss having down time. I can't imagine (right now) how we could have another kid without me losing my friggin mind, even though I never wanted an only child and I picture my family with 2 kids. Hopefully I will feel more ready down the road... and things will probably just be really really rough for the first few years I'm guessing. We are also trying to move closer to our families and friends so I'm curious to see if I feel better about this mom gig if I get a little more help.
How does your husband feel about this subject?
Pear, you should like you need a hug, and more wine. Counseling is a great idea, even if you don't have major problems and I totally get what you mean about talking about it making it real.
I'm sorry you lost your job. If you can't find another paying job, have you considered taking a volunteer position? It sounds like you need some away time and care about the environment, so maybe that could help. I know your H wants you to work with him, but that doesn't satisfy that part of you that needs autonomy.
We're all in major flux right now with our relationships and it's normal to still be figuring things out.
Also, cold pizza is a perfectly acceptable breakfast and mothers are pretty much required to hide chocolate.
So sorry about your job Pear! I got demoted at once of my past jobs and I felt so shitty about it for a long time... Rejection is a good word for it. I still feel bummed if I think about it too much.
Sorry about things with YH too. We are snapping/fighting over small stuff but like you there are probably underlying issues... it seems like its so hard to figure out what to do to fix these things. I know that's why marriage counseling exists... I just don't feel comfortable taking that step I guess. Hope things get better for you guys!
My confession is that I'm bumping when I should be working. Totally flameworthy, right?
Also, I hate my huge nursing boobs. Everyone talks about having big boobs like it's the best thing ever but I hate them. I was 2 sizes smaller before and people would tell me they were huge THEN. I'm small framed (ish) and they just make me look huge. All the nursing bras that come in my size are SO ugly and have huge thick straps. It's such a bummer in the summer to want to wear tank tops and only have bras that are yucky nude with 1 in wide straps. I feel old and frumpy. I think I need to find some sexy nursing bras, if such a thing exists.
Umm, these are awesome and I am halfway through a bag I bought this morning.
My FFFC -- I am off from work today because I work tomorrow. I sent G to daycare anyways and I have done nothing all day long. I should be cleaning and packing to get ready for listing our house for sale.
My other confession -- I have not hung out with girlfriends since Christmas. I've seen 2 of my friends once each with DH over the past few months, but I never really hang out with friends. My best friend lives in the town we are trying to move back to (2 hours away), so I'm really excited to hang out with her more. My other best friend moved to CO a few years ago and I live in PA so we talk sometimes but rarely hang out. I have no girlfriends where we currently live even though we've been here 3 years. I have work "friends" but don't hang out with them outside of work. I totally suck at making friends.
This week, mine is related to baby sleep. I am in the "sleep train if you need to and do it NOW because it's only going to get harder when they are standing, talking/yelling/etc." camp. We had to with DS in a major way. With DD, not as much. A couple short CIO episodes when we knew she wasn't hungry/wet/sick, but they were few and brief.
Last week DD had Roseola with a high fever and we were feeding her again multiple times overnight b/c it was the only time she would consistently take in any liquid and she was losing weight. Well, she is all better now, eating fine but is still waking for a feeding in the middle of the night. My FFFC is that I don't have the energy or the heart to let her CIO at these wakings yet. I will get there if it continues, I'm sure. But me, Miss "Just deal with it and sleep train" can't bring herself to re-train. I am still of the same mindset and think that what I am doing is pretty dumb. The irony.
See if they have one of these places close to you
https://www.myintimacy.com/
They will size you for free. I have a cute black lacy bra on right now...I am a 32HH and could have made it a nursing bra, but didn't want to wait a few weeks. Now I am wearing my nursing bras around the house and the nice ones for out..which I found out aren't that hard to nurse even when wearing them. Europeans make bras that are super cute. If they don't have a place near you I will help you find one. I am not sure if you seen my post the other day...Panache are amazing and super sexy. They are made for us!
two words for you. Hot Milk. when nursing i was an H. i feel your pain.
I cussed my husband out when he woke me up with his sleep walking last night. I know its not really his fault, but I totally didn't care. It seems like he and E are in cahoots with one another to make sure I never get to STTN. Last night, she slept like a dream, so it must have been his turn to keep me awake.
ETA: I was rude to him this morning too. I'm such a bush.
I'm sorry, Pear. I think/hope things on the personal time front will improve when school starts.
If you want to talk, please let me know. Let's get together next week?
You always crack me up and make me smile...chocolate hiding in your boobies....
I hope all the other stuff gets smoothed out for you drama free.
Burned by the Bear
I found TB last summer right before heading to the beach and was checking it a lot while there. I will probably be doing the same thing this week. I'm not looking forward to being harassed by the scopes people. They always got on my nerves and DH has his own hatred for them from the summer he lived at the beach.
This is pretty close to what I've experienced. I feel like myself when I go to work. Maybe I'm a selfish person but I need to figure out problems bigger than diaper rash and what's-that-smell-in-the-fridge (I know SAH moms do more than that but that's how I felt). I love that everyone comes to me when there's complicated data to analyze or a technical issue at work. I love running my own department that I've built. And since I only go in 2-3 days a week I still get to be home and do playdates etc. baby music classes, mommy & baby luncheons and immerse myself in the mommy life. Good luck with your return!
sorry
. i have come to the conclusion that a perfect relationship doesn't exist--i think people put on a happy face when they are having a hard time. marrriage takes work and if both aren't willing to put the time and energy in then it isn't going to work. DH and i are still working through our rough patch but what has helped us was having a very real, very honest conversation. a lot of things came out that we had both been holding in and once it was all out in the open we have been able to slowly start working on them together. you have to communicate, i really feel this is the only way to take a step forward. {hugs}
We were not all that sexually active before the kid but since having him it's been pathetic. We've only had sex a handful of times.
Thanks for the support ladies. I guess I'm ashamed because everyone thinks we're so happy together and I feel like a total hypocrite. DH just thinks that once I'm back on my anti-depressants (which is a whole messy thread unto itself) that everything will be fine. He's a good man (DS and I aren't being abused in any way) but the past year has been very, very stressful and full of change (on top of having a baby).
I'm a SAHM and he's a student pastor, so we've been home together a LOT this summer. I just feel like he still expects me to do the bulk of the parenting. He's been doing more housework than I, but a clean house isn't as important to me as him caring for our child. He plays with him a lot, but when it's time for our bath/bed routine, it falls on me. When DS wakes in the morning, I'm the one up with him, despite my asking for help.
I had absolutely no problem getting up with DS through the night during the school year, because I wasn't the one having to battle Pittsburgh traffic at 6:45 am, then sitting through NT Greek, among other things. DH is working on his M.Div. and the classes are very labor-intensive, so when he was studying, I was happily on baby duty. He's making sacrifices, too, for our family, but now I just feel...used? That's not the word, but it will do for now. I love my son and enjoy motherhood, but I need a mental break, too.
I'm also partly ashamed because I'm so shocked that DH is like this. I've been trying to deal with it on my own, because I don't know if my depression is throwing my perspective off or he's just reacting to me being a raging *** half the time. Am I a raging *** because he's being a lazy, selfish bum or is he at his wit's end because I'm so moody and bitchy?
I agree with you on this. DH and I had a long talk over our vacation about possibly moving back to Australia.
DS was super high maintenance as a baby, but is a wonderfully low-maintenance preschooler. I was scared to death that DD was going to be the same. Even though she was an easy baby, there are still things that were hard (sleep, screaming in carseat, reflux...). But you are truly better able to deal with those things the 2nd time around if you had a difficult baby the first time. And, if the 2nd is high needs too, you have the perspective that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I remember thinking it was never going to end with DS. Our DC's are just under 3 years apart and I love the spacing. There is hope!
I could have written a lot of this. I feel like I am about 90% responsible for Olivia. I like doing bathtime and bedtime but sometimes I just want to sit on the couch and do nothing. I feel like DH gets a lot of the fun about 5% of the work while I get about 50% fun and 50% work. We are going to have a talk about it this weekend because I can't keep up with this when we have 2 and I work FT.
I am going to insist that I need at least 30 mins a day to do whatever the h*ll I want. Bath, Facebook, walk, whatever. I am sure DH gets at least 30 mins a day and I deserve the same. We struggle with keeping our house up and I feel like I can't rest unless it's clean and I need to just let it go. It can get done tomorrow.
Oh my! I could have written this post - the parts about the depression, the uncertainty about who's to blame, and the shame I feel about our problems. I was totally shocked by how little involvement he wants with DD. He really thinks 30m a day is more than sufficient sometimes, and often complains that he's busy doing other chores. I've tried to tell him that other work is nowhere near as exhausting as watching E, but he doesn't get it.
When I first met my DH, he was friends with another couple, and had known them both for years. I thought that they were the perfect couple, and I wanted DH and I to be like them too. Fast forward 4 years...they have 2 LO's one is 4 the other is 10mo. She has a protective order against him and they are in the middle of a divorce. She called the cops on him because she said that he choked her.(Not saying that he didn't, but the story she tells just doesn't make sense. But I give her the benefit of the doubt because I would never want to doubt a battered woman).
Point of the story...not everything is as perfect as it seems from the outside. Now I see our relationship, although it has its ups and downs, as being much better than theirs.
I always wondered if people did this since you hear a lot of people claim BC failure. It's all good Mack, I probably would have done the same thing!
I love this!
My FFFC is that my child in the last week had bacon, McDonald's French Fries and potato chips.
I also may have rubbed some Ginger Brandy on his gums.
My confession is that this makes me love you more.
I was trying to eat lunch yesterday and Li kept grabbing at it. The only way she would stop is if I gave her one of my french fries. So I just kept giving her fries until I was done.
Small update to my confession - We had to go to a funeral home 90 minutes away tonight. On the way down, we had a really good discussion on current events and religion (you can take the minister out of the church...) and I felt like he was really listening.
On the way home, I said that I felt we were heading for trouble and my feelings and it led to a very cathartic, much-needed heart-to-heart for both of us. We're not out of the woods yet; I think we could easily slip back into the "feels like roommates, not spouses" territory, but I am feeling much better about DH's enthusiasm for fatherhood. (And yes, some of it was just a bit of mommy martyrdom).
Only if you didn't O.
Hi Scarlett, I am mostly a lurker, and I usually post over on the November board, but I just wanted to tell you how similar our stories are. My DH is also working on his MDiv, and I also struggle with depression. I am tired, he is tired, and we both just want school to be over. If you want to talk, I'd be happy to!