Advice Needed: No one comes to DD's Birthday?

brownmouse

So, this is kind of silly, as it hasn't happened yet, and I'm probably worrying for nothing... But I need advice.

We're having a birthday party in the park for B's 3rd Birthday the weekend after next, and she is really excited about it. We invited all the girls in her class (six total including her) and she is convinced that they are all coming. We put the invites in cubbies a couple weeks ago, and I asked that the parents RSVP and left my phone number in the invite. Well, not one parent has called to say they are coming, and I'm not sure what to do. We have friends that will be coming (aunts and uncles, etc) but other than the kids in her class, we don't really have any friends with kids in the area. I am worried that the party is going to come, and none of her friends will be there and it will break her heart. I don't know the parents of the girls in her class well, and we pick up and drop off at different times so I rarely see them... 

So what do you ladies think I should do? My Mom suggested writing little notes reminding them and asking if they were coming so I could get a head count to know how much food to make, but is that weird?

I've never done this before! This is the first year we've had a party that other kids were invited...I'm probably just worrying for no reason, but when I was a kid, no one came to my birthday party except for family one year, and I still remember vividly how hurt I was.

KathrynMD

people suck at the RSVPs.

I'd probably put a note in the cubbies and/or ask the teacher to mention something.

 

 

WestCoastMommy

They probably aren't coming. Just speaking from experience. Its summer time and weekends are usually reserved for family time and a lot of people tend to flake when it comes down to a bday party for a class friend.

DS 4th birthday was June 30th and he invited 8 kids from school and 4 outside of school. The 4 from school that RSVPd showed up the other 4 never RSVPd and never showed. We had about 8 kids total and lots of family. As far as sending a note I wouldn't but that's just me. The parents got the invite and its probably just not that important to them so they tossed it aside. I hate when people cant RSVP yes or no. I feel your frustration!

LoCarb

Agree ppl suck at RSVP's. We went to a party last wknd 19 kids invited only 2 showed. The mom has a 7 yo too and she said when the kids get older, parents start RSVP'ing. It's the FT parents that don't know what to do w/ parties and some do not have friend parties until elementary school.

She's a little young, but I still had my 3 yo ask a cpl of her friends if they were attending. They said no, but hey I wasn't worrying anymore. Well 1/6 came and DD had a great time! You can enlist your LO to ask them or drop a brief note in the cubby "Looking fwd to seeing you/LO is excited to see child's name July xx, please RSVP if you will (not) be in attendance"

bumpuser511563

Yeah, people do suck at RSVP's as Katheryn said.

Nobody came to my birthday when I turned 12. My mom let me invite 6 girls from my class for a sleep over party and no one came. I felt really bad because it looked like I had no friends.

My mom called two of my aunts (her sister and my dad's sister) to ask if two of my girl cousins that were close to my age to sleep over. My uncles came and dropped them off and picked them up.

I don't have any real advice but I know the feeling. Does your LO have any cousins she can hang out with at her party?

auburnbride2be

I would do a reminder and just ask them to let you know either way. DD's party is this coming weekend and I did an invitation via email. Everyone, but one child is coming, so I guess we got lucky.

ktshoff

KathrynMD:

people suck at the RSVPs.

I'd probably put a note in the cubbies and/or ask the teacher to mention something.

This. It seems that no one RSVP's anymore.  I find it so rude.

 

MirandaHobbes

That sucks- ppl are losers! I always RSVP for this very reason. Anyhoo- no, they probably aren't coming, but I would stick a note in their cubbies kindly asking them to rsvp so you can plan a headcount. Tell them in the note that you understand if their summer weekends are already booked. I know for us, we went to a bday party for a friend of DS's last weekend and I'll be honest- I was bummed that it ate up a weekend afternoon. I still took him though since we didn't have plans that couldn't change.

As for the party- have fun!! I would make it fun no matter what and try to make it "no big deal" for your DD if her friends don't come- there will be plenty of people there for her to love on. Maybe if none of the kids come she can pass out the treats/favors at school instead? That's all I do at this age; I don't know any of the parents and don't feel like entertaining a bunch of strangers yet.

Oh and a final example- our preschool class tried to plan an end of school year party. Our classroom parent sent out an email to all the parents and asked for rsvps. I was the only parent of 12 kids who rsvp'd so she had to cancel. Lame!!

Meg&Jesse

We tried the friend invites for DS's 4th birthday.  I told him he could invite 4 friends.  One parent told me right away they couldn't make it.  Two of them didnt respond until 2 days before and one never responded, but didn't show.  So, none of his friends showed up.  We did have family and the neighbors at the party.  DS still had fun and didn't notice his friends weren't there.  We will try again next year, but will probably limit it to 5 for his 5th birthday.  Good luck and I wouldn't worry about it...you'll have fun no matter what!

June2007

I worry about this every year ! We just moved away from our core group of friends, which included a large mommy and me group, that were definitely going to come. This past birthday for DD#1 was my first experience in having virtual strangers come to her party. No one RSVPd until the a few days before and then we got 4! 4 out if 8 isn't too bad since people are horrible at RSVPing apparently. I was about to drop reminder notes in cubbies but I ended up not having too, I don't think it's weird at all. Some may be planning on coming but forgot to RSVP. One thing I would do different in the future is to include an e-mail address, people feel more comfortable this way and you get to avoid awkward small talk on the phone. All of the responses I got were via e-mail though I had provided my phone number too.

kmhunt11

If you have email addresses, maybe you could do an evite as a reminder.  It's very possible one or more of the invites got mixed in with other paper coming home from school and the parents chucked it It's also easier for exceptionally lazy people to clicked yes or no to rsvp than to dial your number.  Pathetic, I know, but true.  

whozdat

WestCoastMommy:

They probably aren't coming. Just speaking from experience. Its summer time and weekends are usually reserved for family time and a lot of people tend to flake when it comes down to a bday party for a class friend.

DS 4th birthday was June 30th and he invited 8 kids from school and 4 outside of school. The 4 from school that RSVPd showed up the other 4 never RSVPd and never showed. We had about 8 kids total and lots of family. As far as sending a note I wouldn't but that's just me. The parents got the invite and its probably just not that important to them so they tossed it aside. I hate when people cant RSVP yes or no. I feel your frustration!

Yeah, I hate to say it, but they are probably not coming.  I've not gone to the ones ds has been invited to because, frankly, I don't know these people and it's not like ds talks about them more than a kid in their class.  If they were grade school age and really was friends with them, I'd go.  I'm bad about remembering to call to say no, but I assume that no calls by the RSVP date is seen as a no.  

I wouldn't send the note.  Just warn your LO that her friends might be busy that day and that she can tell them all about her party next time she sees them.

KathrynMD

I'm always confused by the attitude that you won't go to kids parties unless you are already good friends w/ the parents.  Going to parties/kids is event is how you make friends w/ the parents.

whozdat

KathrynMD:

I'm always confused by the attitude that you won't go to kids parties unless you are already good friends w/ the parents.  Going to parties/kids is event is how you make friends w/ the parents.

It's just personal preference.  I already have lot friends with children that ds sees regularly.  I am friends with the women because we like each other, not because our preschool choice was the same, kwim?   I don't have a lot of social time and don't prefer to go to a party of strangers.  Even ds doesn't talk much about the child, so why force him to go?

Now, one boy that ds does really like in his class, his mother left me a note in ds' box asking to go on a play date.  Ds was excited and she was very nice.   I am sure we will get the boys together again and might even become friends. 

jlw2505

RSVP's seem to be hard for some reason - drives me totally crazy.  Did you include an email?  I have found that people are way better when then can email vs call.  I would send out a reminder note and inlcude your email address and phone - in the past, I have made a photo copy of the invite and then written a note with something like "just wanted to see if xyz is coming to the party, hope to see you then".  Keep it simple.  I would also confirm with the teacher that the parents actually got the invite - it seems strange to me that no one has responded at all.  Also, be sure to talk to your DD about how some of her friends might not be able to make it and that is OK, that people just have other plans - bring it up only if she mentions it again.  Don't make a big deal about it but just set the tone.  The day of the party she is not going to notice if anyone is not there.

jlw2505

KathrynMD:

I'm always confused by the attitude that you won't go to kids parties unless you are already good friends w/ the parents.  Going to parties/kids is event is how you make friends w/ the parents.

I totally am with you on this one.  Both of my kids have been invited to parties when in daycare and we went unless we already had other plans that could not be changed.  I loved the chance to see my girls playing with their friends and I loved having the chance to meet the other parents.  By going to the parties, I met a family that we have stayed friends with even though the kids have not been in school together for 2 years now.  We sign our kids up for swim lessons together and sit and chat and we have done family play dates.  For my younger DD, by going to a party, I have a met a few of the parents who we will see the rest of the kids school years as they will be in the same school as my DD - it just means I already know the parents.  I will take any chance I can get to know the kids/parents of my kids friends. 

Echowysp

jlw2505:

KathrynMD:

I'm always confused by the attitude that you won't go to kids parties unless you are already good friends w/ the parents.  Going to parties/kids is event is how you make friends w/ the parents.

I totally am with you on this one.  Both of my kids have been invited to parties when in daycare and we went unless we already had other plans that could not be changed.  I loved the chance to see my girls playing with their friends and I loved having the chance to meet the other parents.  By going to the parties, I met a family that we have stayed friends with even though the kids have not been in school together for 2 years now.  We sign our kids up for swim lessons together and sit and chat and we have done family play dates.  For my younger DD, by going to a party, I have a met a few of the parents who we will see the rest of the kids school years as they will be in the same school as my DD - it just means I already know the parents.  I will take any chance I can get to know the kids/parents of my kids friends. 

I'm socially very shy when it comes to new people.  Going to a party of complete strangers just doesn't appeal to me.  It's all just personal desires.  

wawa84

I'm a preschool teacher & I can tell you that at least my school that the parents rarely check their child's cubbies. Most often I am throwing away artwork & papers from the last couple weeks. If your child's center is similar it is highly likely that the parents have no idea about the party. I would maybe give invitations to the administrator so that the parents can be physically handed the invitations as they come in the building.

Temp6313048411121614

Put a note in the cubbies asking for an answer either way, or wait around for the other parents and ask them in person.  GL.

KristySnyder

June2007:

I worry about this every year ! We just moved away from our core group of friends, which included a large mommy and me group, that were definitely going to come. This past birthday for DD#1 was my first experience in having virtual strangers come to her party. No one RSVPd until the a few days before and then we got 4! 4 out if 8 isn't too bad since people are horrible at RSVPing apparently. I was about to drop reminder notes in cubbies but I ended up not having too, I don't think it's weird at all. Some may be planning on coming but forgot to RSVP. One thing I would do different in the future is to include an e-mail address, people feel more comfortable this way and you get to avoid awkward small talk on the phone. All of the responses I got were via e-mail though I had provided my phone number too.

I just wanted to say I love your siggy and the @ thing...Thats so cool!!!

 

Also I am planning my son's 2nd b-day party and we invited a few of the children in his daycare class. All of which are coming but 1 (The stuck up parent said its too soon for me to be inviting children!!) Urgh...I wish you all the best. DS party isn't till NOV. But I told them I wanted to get a count for when I book the Room and food...I like to always plan WAY ahead!!

Pesky

I've always faced the same problem with the kids.  There are some parents who are great about RSVPs and some who stink.  Also remember for some parents, this is could be the first "outside" birthday party they've been invited too.  I would (and have) stuck a note in the cubbie saying "DD is really looking forward to her birthday on [date] and hopes that X can come to make it that much more special.  Please let me know by phone or email (repeat your info) if X will be able to make it!"  I will say there are parents who are just forgetful, some who may not have even paid attention to the invite, some who are rude and others who have legit excuses.  For example, I found out 2 parents sent their RSVPs to a wrong email address and another had shared custody and it was his flakey ex's weekend and he was pushing her to figure out if he could bring his son to the bday party.

Nakmama

I've faced this same thing recently for my DD's 4th birthday. We invited all 12 kids from her class and only 1 showed up. Another one did RSVP but ended up not coming (although she left a gift in DD's cubby which I thought was really sweet). We did have other kids show up from our church.

I always try to go if DD is invited to another kid's b-day and I feel it would be nice if that parent reciprocated but that's not always the case. Also, summer is a hard time to have a party since so many people go out of town or on trips.

I don't think it's a bad idea to leave a note in the cubby.

flyingsaucer

Pesky:

I've always faced the same problem with the kids.  There are some parents who are great about RSVPs and some who stink.  Also remember for some parents, this is could be the first "outside" birthday party they've been invited too.  I would (and have) stuck a note in the cubbie saying "DD is really looking forward to her birthday on [date] and hopes that X can come to make it that much more special.  Please let me know by phone or email (repeat your info) if X will be able to make it!"  I will say there are parents who are just forgetful, some who may not have even paid attention to the invite, some who are rude and others who have legit excuses.  For example, I found out 2 parents sent their RSVPs to a wrong email address and another had shared custody and it was his flakey ex's weekend and he was pushing her to figure out if he could bring his son to the bday party.

I like the sound of this if you are going to send a note! You may get a lot of RSVPs at the last minute