50 posts already, so I'm not reading them all, just responding to OP:
I think you are both being a little self-centered. It is unfortunate that scheduling conflicts arise, but are they really something to get so worked up about? One of my best friends was unable to stand up in my wedding because his wife was in labor. My son's godfather missed his baptism because his wife was standing up in a destination wedding. I'm missing a cousin's bridal shower for my son's birthday party this weekend. It happens. There will be other parties and other conflicts. I'd just excuse myself from her party and excuse her from mine, no hard feelings.
ETA: Liz, your idea was really pretty logical. No one needs a whole day to celebrate their birthday or shower. I read the posts on this page of posts after making my post, and I wish I could have thought so compromisingly. Kudos!
Wow, I'm really shocked at most responses to you. You aren't being that self-centered by being upset.....but these things happen.
I think that 1. If you haven't sent out invites yet...try to adjust the time in the day so you can have your family visit for the party....then catch the shower later in the day? Or vice versa.
A 1yr old birthday party will not last more than 2-3 hours tops! Babies get pretty cranky when there are lots of new faces and places. mine babies were done after 2 hours and just wanted to go home and nap. Then after his party....get dh to clean up and try to catch the last hour of the shower. I see it as a win win situation. Don't be too rigid about the date, and I do think it's fine to celebrate his b,day.
Good luck, and do your best to find a middle ground.
out of complete and utter curiosity, why are you upset with your BFF for her unwillingness to move her date/time, but not with your family? they're going to see TRAINS.
out of complete and utter curiosity, why are you upset with your BFF for her unwillingness to move her date/time, but not with your family? they're going to see TRAINS.
out of complete and utter curiosity, why are you upset with your BFF for her unwillingness to move her date/time, but not with your family? they're going to see TRAINS.
out of complete and utter curiosity, why are you upset with your BFF for her unwillingness to move her date/time, but not with your family? they're going to see TRAINS.
i guess you pick your own battles.
I have been wondering the same thing. Basically you are telling your BFF that your family going to see trains is more important than her baby shower. Trains that they see, from the sounds of it, either every year or every time they come to town. Gonna let you in on a little clue: those trains aren't really changing much from year to year. Your BFF is finally pg after 2 mcs and who knows if she will be able to have any more kid. Get your priorities straight. Your child wont remember his/her first bday. Your BFF will always remember her shower. The one that you should be calling her about and saying, "hey, that baby shower, you shouldn't be planning it for yourself. Tell me what you have done already, and I will take care of the rest."
"We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet." Benedict Cumberbatch
out of complete and utter curiosity, why are you upset with your BFF for her unwillingness to move her date/time, but not with your family? they're going to see TRAINS.
i guess you pick your own battles.
I have been wondering the same thing. Basically you are telling your BFF that your family going to see trains is more important than her baby shower. Trains that they see, from the sounds of it, either every year or every time they come to town. Gonna let you in on a little clue: those trains aren't really changing much from year to year. Your BFF is finally pg after 2 mcs and who knows if she will be able to have any more kid. Get your priorities straight. Your child wont remember his/her first bday. Your BFF will always remember her shower. The one that you should be calling her about and saying, "hey, that baby shower, you shouldn't be planning it for yourself. Tell me what you have done already, and I will take care of the rest."
I feel like this is the point you keep missing. Your son is alive and will have many many more birthdays, she may only have this one baby and you seem like you're not getting just how important that moment is to any pregnant mom let alone one that has struggled so hard to get there. After 6 years of trying you should get that.
Change your date or not you need to recognize that you are coming off as selfish in this by not being there for your friend. I would get it if your kid was 5 or 10 and had any clue how to read a calender but he doesn't. DD's birthday parties have both been held on days other than her birthday and she could have given a crap. Either move the time up or back for your party so that you can at least partially attend her shower or better yet move it to another day/weekend so you can help with her shower. She's your BFF so show it, kids parties come and go but this is the stupid stuff that hurts friendships if you can't get over yourselves.
If you do move the party it doesn't mean you can't still acknowledge your son's birthday on his actual birthday if you want. Get a small cake or cupcake, a hat and let him have a ball while taking pictures or go out for dinner or whatever. At this point in his life the memories are for you not for him.
Ok, again clarification. Her baby shower is scheduled for 3pm that day. My son's party is scheduled for 1pm that day. This would not be such a huge issue if, the parties were literally not an hour and half away from each other. My family lives two counties away from baby shower, the drive is a little extensive. We grew up half a state away from each other as children and met in the middle. It makes sense to use to hold the shower/party where most of our families are centered. Now, I am, and I'll make myself clear again, thrilled for her! However, as my son's godmother, and should something ever happen to my husband and I, his legal next of kin, I guess I expected her to be more attentive. I understand she deserves her own moment in the spotlight, I do not discount that! I planned my own shower, as she is planning her own, I get that it's actually easier to do it yourself (or at least I thought so). But the fact that the date of her shower changed, so that her friends from college could attend (the original weekend of the shower they are going to be at the beach), and so that her other friend could attend (she's due the end of September, she wanted to do it in enough time to make sure she wouldn't be in labor), I guess I'm at a loss for why my child's, who as his godmother I expect her to treat as her own (perhaps I'm old fashioned in this concept?) birthday is...expendable. I guess it was wrong of me to think that as someone who is as close to him as she is, would like to be present for his first birthday. But I do not feel that asking me to change my son's birthday party, on his birthday, so that she may have the entire day to celebrate her shower for her little one is reasonable. I think that is rude. I have no problem celebrating the coming of her little one, but as circumstances worked out, all the changing of times and dates was asked to be done only on my part. She was unwilling to change her times/dates. What my entire point in all of this is: It's my son's birthday, it's her shower day. Why am I the only one who has to make changes to fit around her schedule? Why am I the only one who must compromise? Shouldn't it be a little give from both people? Her repeated asking of me to change times, and then dates, and still insisting that due to her childbirth classes she wouldn't be attending his birthday, makes me ask this: If she's not going to make it anyway, why should I have to rearrange me schedule? Why should I have to change my son's party so that she can have the entire day to do her shower? Other than the fact that she doesn't want to have to share the day with anyone else. That is what has got me upset. I don't think that is self-centered. I think that's asking the obvious question: Why when it's my son's birthday, does it only get to be a day about you and not him?
Ok, again clarification. Her baby shower is scheduled for 3pm that day. My son's party is scheduled for 1pm that day. This would not be such a huge issue if, the parties were literally not an hour and half away from each other. My family lives two counties away from baby shower, the drive is a little extensive. We grew up half a state away from each other as children and met in the middle. It makes sense to use to hold the shower/party where most of our families are centered. Now, I am, and I'll make myself clear again, thrilled for her! However, as my son's godmother, and should something ever happen to my husband and I, his legal next of kin, I guess I expected her to be more attentive. I understand she deserves her own moment in the spotlight, I do not discount that! I planned my own shower, as she is planning her own, I get that it's actually easier to do it yourself (or at least I thought so). But the fact that the date of her shower changed, so that her friends from college could attend (the original weekend of the shower they are going to be at the beach), and so that her other friend could attend (she's due the end of September, she wanted to do it in enough time to make sure she wouldn't be in labor), I guess I'm at a loss for why my child's, who as his godmother I expect her to treat as her own (perhaps I'm old fashioned in this concept?) birthday is...expendable. I guess it was wrong of me to think that as someone who is as close to him as she is, would like to be present for his first birthday. But I do not feel that asking me to change my son's birthday party, on his birthday, so that she may have the entire day to celebrate her shower for her little one is reasonable. I think that is rude. I have no problem celebrating the coming of her little one, but as circumstances worked out, all the changing of times and dates was asked to be done only on my part. She was unwilling to change her times/dates. What my entire point in all of this is: It's my son's birthday, it's her shower day. Why am I the only one who has to make changes to fit around her schedule? Why am I the only one who must compromise? Shouldn't it be a little give from both people? Her repeated asking of me to change times, and then dates, and still insisting that due to her childbirth classes she wouldn't be attending his birthday, makes me ask this: If she's not going to make it anyway, why should I have to rearrange me schedule? Why should I have to change my son's party so that she can have the entire day to do her shower? Other than the fact that she doesn't want to have to share the day with anyone else. That is what has got me upset. I don't think that is self-centered. I think that's asking the obvious question: Why when it's my son's birthday, does it only get to be a day about you and not him?
Bolded 1: She's his godmother, you are his mother. End of story. He is not her son.
Bolded 2: You are contradicting yourself as you first told us that the shower date was set on this particular day to accomodate her and her H's work schedules.
Bolded 3: Get over yourself and again, you are contradicting yourself. How can you say that you are were the only one asked to move the date of your even and then say that she was unwilling to change hers? Clearly to say she was unwilling, is because you asked her to move it. Which you have already mentioned before.
Seriously, you are not doing it on the Sunday (or Sat or whatever) because your OOT family wants to go see TRAINS?! You are not willing to celebrate your sons bday on a different day in order to have your BFF attend (which is obviously so important to you since you are making such a stink about it), because you are accomodating your family members who want to see TRAINS. Get your head out of you a$s.
Bolded 4: Yes, you are totally being self-centered. Get over it. Coming from someone who has had 2 losses before having DS, yes, her shower is incredibly important and she should be able to enjoy every moment of her special day. SHE will always remember this day, your son won't remember it the following week.
You keep going back to this whole god mother responsibility thing. I don't think you even understand the role a godparent is intended to play. It has more to do with baptisms, spirituality, and being an emotional/religious guide for your child as they grow up. Nothing about being a godparent has anything to do with being responsible for attending a 1 year olds birthday party. Her not being able to attend the party for her own valid reasons has nothing to do with what kind of godmother she is. So you really should stop focusing on that aspect of the situation. Just let it go, you're really making a mountain out of a mole hill on this one
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"Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth."-Albert Einstein
What my entire point in all of this is: It's my son's birthday, it's her shower day. Why am I the only one who has to make changes to fit around her schedule? Why am I the only one who must compromise? Shouldn't it be a little give from both people? Her repeated asking of me to change times, and then dates, and still insisting that due to her childbirth classes she wouldn't be attending his birthday, makes me ask this: If she's not going to make it anyway, why should I have to rearrange me schedule? Why should I have to change my son's party so that she can have the entire day to do her shower? Other than the fact that she doesn't want to have to share the day with anyone else. That is what has got me upset. I don't think that is self-centered. I think that's asking the obvious question: Why when it's my son's birthday, does it only get to be a day about you and not him?
Holy wall of text.
How exactly could there be a little bit of give from both of you on this? Both of you change the date? Being that it is your son's birthday, the day will be about him for you whether his party is that day or not. That doesn't mean that the day has to be all about him for her. Honestly, it's really not that big of a deal, get over it already.
Every time you come back to clarify, you dig yourself deeper into the hole. Perhaps I'm old-fashioned to think that the reason she thinks your son's birthday party is expendable is because it is. When I turned one I don't think people had birthday parties for one-year olds. Your son doesn't know what a birthday is, what date it is, or what a party is. He doesn't care what day you celebrate. This party is about you. You are being selfish.
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Then don't change it. That simple. And don't go to her shower. That simple. I see why you think it's rude but you are pulling the same stunt. Also remind yourself that her world does not revolve around your baby. Just as your world doesn't revolve around her baby/pregnancy.Bottom line is no matter how close she is to you or your baby her pregnancy and her baby will come first in her eyes.
Be grown ups, squash the whole "your party is the EXACT day as mine" drama and both agree to just not go to the others party. OR sit in your own misery because neither of you are getting your way. Second option seems silly in my opinion.
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Re: BFF scheduled her baby shower on my son's 1st Birthday Party
Thank you!
Wow, I'm really shocked at most responses to you. You aren't being that self-centered by being upset.....but these things happen.
I think that 1. If you haven't sent out invites yet...try to adjust the time in the day so you can have your family visit for the party....then catch the shower later in the day? Or vice versa.
A 1yr old birthday party will not last more than 2-3 hours tops! Babies get pretty cranky when there are lots of new faces and places. mine babies were done after 2 hours and just wanted to go home and nap. Then after his party....get dh to clean up and try to catch the last hour of the shower. I see it as a win win situation. Don't be too rigid about the date, and I do think it's fine to celebrate his b,day.
Good luck, and do your best to find a middle ground.
out of complete and utter curiosity, why are you upset with your BFF for her unwillingness to move her date/time, but not with your family? they're going to see TRAINS.
i guess you pick your own battles.
Random luker-
bahahahahaa
I have been wondering the same thing. Basically you are telling your BFF that your family going to see trains is more important than her baby shower. Trains that they see, from the sounds of it, either every year or every time they come to town. Gonna let you in on a little clue: those trains aren't really changing much from year to year. Your BFF is finally pg after 2 mcs and who knows if she will be able to have any more kid. Get your priorities straight. Your child wont remember his/her first bday. Your BFF will always remember her shower. The one that you should be calling her about and saying, "hey, that baby shower, you shouldn't be planning it for yourself. Tell me what you have done already, and I will take care of the rest."
"We like nothing better than buffing our Zygoma. And imagining a horny time traveling long overcoat purple scarf wearing super sleuth nordic legend fuck fantasy. Get to work on that, internet." Benedict Cumberbatch
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I feel like this is the point you keep missing. Your son is alive and will have many many more birthdays, she may only have this one baby and you seem like you're not getting just how important that moment is to any pregnant mom let alone one that has struggled so hard to get there. After 6 years of trying you should get that.
Change your date or not you need to recognize that you are coming off as selfish in this by not being there for your friend. I would get it if your kid was 5 or 10 and had any clue how to read a calender but he doesn't. DD's birthday parties have both been held on days other than her birthday and she could have given a crap. Either move the time up or back for your party so that you can at least partially attend her shower or better yet move it to another day/weekend so you can help with her shower. She's your BFF so show it, kids parties come and go but this is the stupid stuff that hurts friendships if you can't get over yourselves.
If you do move the party it doesn't mean you can't still acknowledge your son's birthday on his actual birthday if you want. Get a small cake or cupcake, a hat and let him have a ball while taking pictures or go out for dinner or whatever. At this point in his life the memories are for you not for him.
Ok, again clarification. Her baby shower is scheduled for 3pm that day. My son's party is scheduled for 1pm that day. This would not be such a huge issue if, the parties were literally not an hour and half away from each other. My family lives two counties away from baby shower, the drive is a little extensive. We grew up half a state away from each other as children and met in the middle. It makes sense to use to hold the shower/party where most of our families are centered. Now, I am, and I'll make myself clear again, thrilled for her! However, as my son's godmother, and should something ever happen to my husband and I, his legal next of kin, I guess I expected her to be more attentive. I understand she deserves her own moment in the spotlight, I do not discount that! I planned my own shower, as she is planning her own, I get that it's actually easier to do it yourself (or at least I thought so). But the fact that the date of her shower changed, so that her friends from college could attend (the original weekend of the shower they are going to be at the beach), and so that her other friend could attend (she's due the end of September, she wanted to do it in enough time to make sure she wouldn't be in labor), I guess I'm at a loss for why my child's, who as his godmother I expect her to treat as her own (perhaps I'm old fashioned in this concept?) birthday is...expendable. I guess it was wrong of me to think that as someone who is as close to him as she is, would like to be present for his first birthday. But I do not feel that asking me to change my son's birthday party, on his birthday, so that she may have the entire day to celebrate her shower for her little one is reasonable. I think that is rude. I have no problem celebrating the coming of her little one, but as circumstances worked out, all the changing of times and dates was asked to be done only on my part. She was unwilling to change her times/dates. What my entire point in all of this is: It's my son's birthday, it's her shower day. Why am I the only one who has to make changes to fit around her schedule? Why am I the only one who must compromise? Shouldn't it be a little give from both people? Her repeated asking of me to change times, and then dates, and still insisting that due to her childbirth classes she wouldn't be attending his birthday, makes me ask this: If she's not going to make it anyway, why should I have to rearrange me schedule? Why should I have to change my son's party so that she can have the entire day to do her shower? Other than the fact that she doesn't want to have to share the day with anyone else. That is what has got me upset. I don't think that is self-centered. I think that's asking the obvious question: Why when it's my son's birthday, does it only get to be a day about you and not him?
Bolded 1: She's his godmother, you are his mother. End of story. He is not her son.
Bolded 2: You are contradicting yourself as you first told us that the shower date was set on this particular day to accomodate her and her H's work schedules.
Bolded 3: Get over yourself and again, you are contradicting yourself. How can you say that you are were the only one asked to move the date of your even and then say that she was unwilling to change hers? Clearly to say she was unwilling, is because you asked her to move it. Which you have already mentioned before.
Seriously, you are not doing it on the Sunday (or Sat or whatever) because your OOT family wants to go see TRAINS?! You are not willing to celebrate your sons bday on a different day in order to have your BFF attend (which is obviously so important to you since you are making such a stink about it), because you are accomodating your family members who want to see TRAINS. Get your head out of you a$s.
Bolded 4: Yes, you are totally being self-centered. Get over it. Coming from someone who has had 2 losses before having DS, yes, her shower is incredibly important and she should be able to enjoy every moment of her special day. SHE will always remember this day, your son won't remember it the following week.
Holy wall of text.
How exactly could there be a little bit of give from both of you on this? Both of you change the date? Being that it is your son's birthday, the day will be about him for you whether his party is that day or not. That doesn't mean that the day has to be all about him for her. Honestly, it's really not that big of a deal, get over it already.
Then don't change it. That simple. And don't go to her shower. That simple. I see why you think it's rude but you are pulling the same stunt. Also remind yourself that her world does not revolve around your baby. Just as your world doesn't revolve around her baby/pregnancy.Bottom line is no matter how close she is to you or your baby her pregnancy and her baby will come first in her eyes.
Be grown ups, squash the whole "your party is the EXACT day as mine" drama and both agree to just not go to the others party. OR sit in your own misery because neither of you are getting your way. Second option seems silly in my opinion.