Update: Bullying at Preschool

BigIsland07

Just a quick update for those who responded to my post earlier today. I talked with DS's teacher, and she said that they don't see the bullying and things that DS is talking about. She said that the boys DS talks about are bigger than he is, and that she sees DS actively shy away from them when they're in line or at group time. She says that both boys have gotten much better about using their words instead of their hands.

She also said that she sees DS "lie" sometimes about what others have done, particularly when it comes to those two boys. For example, the other day DS was on one side of the room playing with a toy, and one of the little boys was on the other side of the room reading a book. Out of nowhere, DS walked over to the teacher and told her the little boy had pushed him down. The teacher could clearly see that the boys were nowhere near one another, so she called DS out and said, "no he didn't." Then she explained what a lie is. 

DS is on the smaller side, so maybe he's just intimidated by bigger kids? The teacher said that they will keep a very close eye on the boys and their interactions, and that we should keep the lines of communication open. I agreed.

She suggested that sometimes kids react differently when they know the "two hands are talking with one another." So, she suggested that tonight when I pick DS up, I call him over and I say, "I'd like to talk to [teacher] about how these two boys hit and bite you. Can you come talk to us about it?" and then ask about things specifically. Feels a bit like we're ganging up on him...

I'm not totally sure how to react to all this. It just seems so odd that DS would lie about this so consistently. I still feel unsettled.

What would you do next? What's the next step?

Formerly Mrs D S

I just read your original post, and your update.. quite honestly it sounds like the teachers are trying to pass this off as if your son is the problem.  Children to not cry and act sad over a lie (ex with his pipe cleaner glasses). 

 There was a little girl in DD's class pulling her hair.. every time the little girl did it my DD went over to the teacher to tell her and the response she got was "don't be a tattle tale"... when DH and I heard this he had a nice talk with the teacher who denied ever saying "tattle tale"... 2 weeks later she finally approached me and told me she does say these things, yet she NEVER sees the little girl pulling my DD's hair. 

 I think there are so many kids in these classes that they cant monitor every interaction and these "bully's" know when to act out.  With that said.. PLEASE believe your child over the teachers at this point.  I would ask him about the boys pushing him.  If it is untrue it will be hard for him to tell you a story about it (at his age).  

 Im sorry I dont have better advice, but it sounds (to me) that I would start to be more weary of the teachers at the school - but that is just me.  GOOD LUCK!

KathrynMD

Do you generally trust the teacher and think she has a good handle on the kids in her class?  There are 15-20 kids in my teachers class and while I don't think they see "everything" that goes on the class/playground, etc. they have an excellent sense of the group dynamics and know who's up and who's down and what challenges and strengths each kid has. 

On another note, my kid doesn't "lie" but she makes up stories - alot.  Maybe your LO is worried/anxious about those boys, but nothing's really happening.. .. DD refers to the "fighting boys" at school sometimes, but she just stays away from them.

Temp6313048411121614

Could you shadow one day (or do they have cameras)?  I'm sure the teacher would be more vigilant with you there, but the bullying kids won't be.  You could see for yourself, that is, if your DS would be able to ignore you at all.

Mrs.RockyM

What about calling DS out?  Maybe asking him if he's really sure that boy did something because his teacher said she didn't see it and that he was all the way on the other side of the room.  Sometimes DD will come home with a bite, and we'll ask her who did it, and through the course of the evening she'll tell us 4 different kids names.  It's hard to say who to believe at this point, but it's very possible DS is confusing days and harping on the fact that those boys did something to him a while ago. 

I think you're going to have to address these issues as they come up.  You can't really talk about stuff in the past now, because DS won't get it.  Maybe every day when you pick him up, ask him if he had any issues with the little boys and then go over to talk to the teacher about it together. 

Amy&Anthony

if you saw my response earlier you know this is something I am a bit sensitive to; I am not comfortable with a teacher expressing an issue with your kid in response to an issue you bring to their attention with another child, especially if this is not a behavior that you are seeing at home. I see my DS do this quite a bit,you would know if your kid is a story teller; if you don't see yours doing it at all, that is deff. some food for thought on the teachers statement.

I also think its too much to ask the child to talk to two adults at the same time. This seems very confrontational Trust YOUR instincts. work on some confidence builders with your son ( I wish I had examples to share) again good luck .