7 months post loss and backsliding a bit? Normal?

Dori722

We struggled to get pregnant again after easily getting pregnant with my now (almost) 4 yr old son. We eventually turned to IVF and became pregnant last Sept. with boy/girl twins. Sadly, we lost them at 18 weeks due to pre term labor, of which they are really unsure of the cause. Perhaps just bad luck.

I had a hysteroscopy to remove some scar tissue and went back to the RE for a FET once i was healed. It failed. Our RE recommended a fresh cycle as it had been successful for us before. That also failed. We have decided to take a break from treatments to let my body rest. 

I feel like emotionally I am doing worse. On some level, I thought that we would be pregnant again pretty soon after our loss and not that that would "replace" our babies, but it would ease some of that pain, as we want nothing more than to give our DS a sibling and have another child. I guess I'm just so shocked that our attempts haven't worked and I feel like I'm now refocusing on how sad and angry I am that I lost our twins. It's getting increasingly painful to hear of other's pregnancies. My DH keeps reminding me that we will have another child and get our happiness but I'm not so sure.  

MeggM1

(warning: rainbow pregnancy ticker)

In my experience this is totally normal.  At about 8 months post-loss I had a huge regression.  And sometimes when I can't focus on the loss of our daughter anymore, I backslide with my anger and all the sudden I can't see or talk to family or friends that I've made amends with.  My therapist says that grief is never an upward growth, in that it gets better without having valleys that follow peaks.  It's a hard thing to accept, but fourteen months later I've started to be easy on myself when I find myself going backward.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your boy/girl twins.  Have you connected with CLIMB yet?  They were and are an amazing resource for me and they talk about subsequent pregnancy, both difficulty conceiving and the feelings that come up once you are pregnant on the website and in some of their newsletters.

https://www.climb-support.org/

If you'd like to reach out to Jean, the founder, she is incredible: climb@pobox.alaska.net

Again, I'm so sorry for your loss and for all the additional difficulties you have had over the last seven months.  From just the little bit you wrote it seems very normal (although grief feels so isolating and not having your children feels so abnormal).

philfemgal

I'm so sorry for your loss.

We also lost twins (one at 14 weeks and one at 18 weeks) and are 6 months out from our loss and I feel similarly to you. Really as soon as we started TTC again (this is our second month) so many feelings of grief and anger and all of that came back.  And around the same time it just happened that we started to hear pregnancy announcements and started seeing people give birth to or approach their due dates with healthy babies.  So yeah, I think it's normal to backslide--especially given you are not pregnant again and really want to be.  I am also so far not having success with TTCAL and it really, really sucks.

StephK86

***SIGGY WARNING***

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is completely normal. After my son died and we started trying again it took 9 months for me to get pregnant. Which feels like a lifetime when all you want is your baby back and you can't even conceive again in the time span you have hoped for. Then everyone around you is having children. I am just past two years since Gavin died and have been sliding backwards. I know I have posted this before but it is so true. My bereavement counselor calls it the grief wave. There are times where you are calm even though the loss is always on your mind and then that wave of grief hits and it is like you are reliving everything all over again. It is especially hard when ttcal. I was a mess every month my period came. It will happen for you, your body may just need more time. I will keep you in my prayers. I am sorry for the loss of your twins.