still pregnant... Prenatal Depression

shutupanddance07

I didn't even know this was a thing until recently. I think I might be struggling with this. It's not normal to just sit around and be sad and cry without any cause at all, right? I haven't talked to my friends in weeks, I stopped hanging out very early in my first trimester, and I often just wanna crawl in bed and stay there indefinitely. I'm irritable and miserable, and I'm sure this isn't good for anyone around me. I was referred to this awesome place by my midwife, but they don't take any insurance and the out of network reimbursement is only 50%. Is anyone else struggling/has struggled with this? I don't know what else to do...I know I'm in a higher risk bracket for postpartum depression because of my past history of depression, but I don't really know how to handle this...

winter-shock

I definitely struggled with this in my second pregnancy. Do you have people you are close enough to that you could kind of force yourself to talk to?  I know I finally had to make myself talk to my DH and Mom and it made a huge difference just to be able to say how I was feeling.  I mean literally now everytime I feel really down or anxious I pick up the phone or even sometimes chat on gmail with one of them. I vent out what I am feeling and almost always start to feel better just in knowing I am not alone there are people here for me. 

ashleyjohnson54

I'm dealing with it too. And since I'm in a high risk pregnancy I'm already being sent to collections for the insurance left overs I can't keep up with so I am really nervous to go to counseling of some sort and have even more bills, even though I know I'm at a point where I could really use professional help because I'm wanting to start smoking again. We already see specialists for a birth defect and for gestational diabetes. I haven't been depressed since I was like 12 (which every girl who isn't a super model probably goes through in junior high) but it's been a constant downward spiral for my entire pregnancy. There's depression in my family but I've usually been able to move past it pretty quickly. My friends have walked out since we no longer have anything in common,  my relationship has gone down the toilet, I don't feel in control of my body at all and I had to give up my regular job (it wasn't safe) and now am stuck in the house all day with a nanny job where I am not making any money. I have nobody around me I can talk to (or that wants to take the time to talk). And I feel like when I do mention to people how miserable I am they either call me a whiner or tell me it's just hormones and it's almost over. Well - to be honest, I can't go another month and a half of this. I feel so hopeless and overwhelmed and sad and angry all the time. And I'm worried I'm going to start resenting the baby or that I am going to develop post partum depression and not be able to take care of him. I just want to feel like myself again. And I really don't want to take meds, since there's already so much wrong with the baby (which I think is part of why I'm depressed, I followed every single rule and everything still went wrong from kidney problems to the birth defect to the diabetes to depression). I would love to just sleep for the rest of my pregnancy but the nightmares are really starting to take a toll on me too. I'm even dreaming about a terrible family member from my past who isn't even in my life anymore (which I guess in becoming a parent I have to remind myself to not be like my step parent but it's bringing up all the hatred from that time that I have long since been over and already worked through). I feel like if I tell anyone else they'll also just blow it off. I've even talked to my boyfriend about it and all he does is continue to fight with me so he's obviously no help (hopefully whoever your baby's dad is cares a bit more about your pregnancy and can be of some help). The only place I've been able to deal with it is thebump and tumblr, and even then I kind of feel alone. I feel like I have to lie when my boyfriend's family or strangers and acquaintances ask how my pregnancy is because women are supposed to enjoy this time of their life (and I don't want to bad mouth him to his family incase things turn around for us). So in short, I understand what you're going through. I don't have a solution yet, but maybe when one of us finds something that's helpful we can message the other? I hope you find a way to feel better soon. I hate to think of someone else feeling as miserable as I do.