Speaking of names (Foster-to-Adopt)....

Blsd4given

What are your thoughts on changing the name of an adopted foster child?  For this discussion, let's assume they're no longer infants.....  How might the BPs feel about it?  I don't have any placements yet... We just started classes... This is just a curiousity question...

jillianmb

For infants I have no issue, but in most other cases I think parents should strongly consider keeping the child's name the same.  A name is so much a part of a person's identity.  For toddlers it can add to the confusion and sense of loss and for older kids whose identity is already so fragile it can throw a wrench into things.

 There are absolutely exceptions but I think the default should be keeping the same name. 

We are keeping our son's Russian name and using a closely related nickname sort of in the train of "Susan" and "Suzie." The nickname was on our list of favorite boy names to begin with, so it worked out well.  I think that is a happy medium. 

kacelle

DH and I have talked about this, as we're hoping to adopt an older toddler or preschool aged child.  If the child is old enough to have an opinion, I'd ask for it.  Some kids might be excited by a new name (after all, they're changing their last name as it is), while others might want to cling on to that part of their identity. 

Our situation is a bit different, as we're considering IA and the children we adopt might have names that are very difficult for Americans (particularly Alabamians) to pronounce.  Again, I'd ask for an opinion unless the child was very young.

Dr.Loretta

I would assume it would depend on the relationship with the BPs, if there is one. And the name. A neighboring state had a kid named Adolph Hitler Lastname go into foster care. You can bet someone changed his name, poor thing.

I have heard of all sorts of things being done depending on the situation. Having an older child choose a new first or middle name to signify they are joining a new family permanently. Changing a first name if they're easily finable by unstable birthparents. Keeping the first name but giving the child a new middle name. Moving the first name to a middle name, and giving a new first name. Etc.

MarionB79

My only experience with this is as a teacher. I had a student a few years ago who's foster parents adopted him and his 4 older siblings. They were all school age and got to decide on their names. The kids actually chose all new names because they wanted to. They wanted no connection to their BPs. It had been a VERY bad situation. My boy chose the name of his favorite character in the bible. 

So I think it depends greatly on the situation.  

morristhecatmom

I worked with two children in residential placement where I worked, one who was adopted at age 12 and another that was adopted at age 4. They both changed their names upon their adoption from fostering situation. The 12 year old got to pick her new name (what 12 year old wouldn't change their name given the option?) and she's 15 now and goes between her birth name and adopted name (depending on how angry she is at her adopted mom).

The one who's name was changed at age 4, just found out her name was changed and demanded that she is called by her birth name. I don't have any idea on the birth mom of the second child, but the birth mom of the older child was very insulted (but she didn't have much of a parental leg to stand on in general)

mommytoconnor

I adopted my son from foster care but he was a baby, so it was no big deal. If they were a little older I would consult the child and see if they wanted to change their name and have an input as to what it would be. It can be a great way to make that child feel a part of decisions if they get to choose their own name.

ctbride08

every situation is different, but we felt very strongly about keeping our children's names for a number of reasons including maintaining their identity and showing respect for their bio mom.

irismorning

Personally, I was faced with this same decision. I looked into all of the peer-reviewed research and there are not studies that directly address this subject. (In fact, I am now doing my dissertation on the subject.) As I am just in the beginning of the dissertation process, I have no concrete evidence to give. I also consulted multiple psychologists, play therapists, behavioral specialists and counselors. I was not given a concrete answer by anyone. All of them were clear that there is not much research to back either side.

For safety reasons, I had to change the names of both my boys. They were 5 and 3 when I did it. My oldest, I added a first name and left his original first name as a middle and he still goes by it. He has started asking to go by his first name on occasion. My youngest's name was completely changed. I would advise if you change the name, explain to the child that it is happening. I would expect the process to take a little time with an older child. (That being said, it only took 1 week with my 3 year old.). I called him by the new first name, old first name. Then dropped the old one.

example (not the real names): birth name John, new name Mason. Call him Mason John and then drop John when the child seem comfortable. In my case there were no problems.

My boys are now 7 and almost 5 and there have never been any problems.