My mother

sloannmark

I posted 2 weeks ago about the argument I had with my mother about their lack of support (she didn't call me for a month after my loss). Over two weeks and still no word from her. On Sunday I texted her letting her know that even though it seemed like neither of us were ready to talk and still hurt, I was thinking of them every day and hoped we would be able to move on/get through this. No response. I am kicking myself for extending that olive branch.

I find that I am thinking about all of this ALL the time. MH and I started counseling last week and found it helpful to talk about the boys as well as my family, but I've found myself getting more and more anxious about it as the days go on. I know I could be the one to call and that I'm being stubborn but I am not at that point yet.

MH is down at the shore and I'm home alone for two nights. Being home without him (or our dog) has been odd. It's nice to have some time to do whatever I want, but it's also way too much time to have to think. My mind is everywhere. I can't even describe the constant thoughts and images in my head. I'm constantly replaying the events of our loss, almost to remind myself that this really happened, and then the next I'm replaying the conversation I had with my mom and wondering how this will turn out. It makes me mad and upset that I have to think about that too. I shouldn't have to think about or deal with both.

nuttycoconut

You are right that you shouldn't have to deal with both. I think it's great that you extended the olive branch because you won't have to wonder if there was anything else you could have done to help your relationship. I hope she comes around soon! I'm glad you started counseling. I went to counseling and support group and both of them helped me so much. I'm sorry you are dealing with so much stress. I just think that after going through such a devastating experience, people around you, especially close family and friends, should try to make your life as easy as possible, not more stressful.

lmielocl1

I am so sorry that you are going through this with your mother.  I am going through a similar experience with my mom too (although we have talked a few times -- it is mostly about superficial stuff like the weather.)  She still has not said Ethan's name and I really feel as if she does not think we lost a real baby or that she lost a grandson.  When we were going through the roller-coaster and they gave us a 1 in 5 chance of having a chromosomal issue after our NT scan, she kept telling us stories about other women she knew or heard about who made the decision to terminate etc etc. I almost told her off but refrained many times.  I have learned to tune her out.  I wanted to say, how do you think this is helping me? 

I admire you for extending the olive branch.  I have not wanted to deal with it -- as I was under a lot of stress with my mom before our loss & I blame myself for losing our little boy due to my stress.  I think to myself -- would he have been so active & gotten his cord wrapped around his neck so many times if I was under less stress?  

I agree that we both should not have to think about this too.   I think the way you are feeling is definitely understandable.  I am so sorry that you are going through both right now.  I hope that your mom comes around and helps you! You are not alone!! (((hugs)))

Leslie

~ Mommy to Aaron, 20 months, and to our angel, Ethan, born too early at 18w on 6/15/12.