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Blended Families
twister22
member
Lurker Coming Forward
twister22
member
First off, I would like to thank you ladies for your perspective. You've really gotten me off my "I hate BD and don't want DS around him" mindset, and changed it to "Even though I think BD is a loser, he is the father to DS, and DS deserves a happy, healthy relationship with him, and I will encourage that." So thanks 
.
Our background:
DS is almost 4, and I married his SF right after he turned 3. BD has DS EOW. DS calls both BD and SF "Daddy," which BD is now okay with since SF, according to BD "Spends so much time with him and is a really good dad."
BD does eye roll worthy things on a 24/7 basis, but I've learned that what he does on his parenting time is his business, and as long as it isn't harmful to DS, I will keep my mouth shut.
So, will you ladies allow me on your board?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Lurker Coming Forward
Hi!
You will probably find that most ladies on this board do not support calling a stepparent "mom" or "dad" (or any variation thereof - mommy, daddy, mama, dada), especially when the bioparent is in the picture. SF will never be "a really good dad". He's not the dad.
Glad you are encouraging a relationship between DS and his dad
It's fine with me if the other ladies don't support it. BD is okay with it, DS did it on his own, & myself & SF NEVER encouraged it (we actually encouraged DS calling SF by his name.) That's enough for us to be okay with it!
BD actually tells DS "You are a lucky boy, you have two dads." So, if BD and DS accept SF as DS's dad, then in our family, he is one of the dad's.
All blended families are so unique and different, and just because something is wrong in your BF, it doesn't mean it's wrong in ours
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This is maybe just a semantics issue, but it bugged me. A stepdad is still a dad. And "never" is an absolute that simply shouldn't be used.
My husband IS a really good dad to both my kids, even though only one of them is biologically his.
Anyhow, welcome OP.
Welcome to the board!!
I think it's amazingly wonderful that BD and SF are both "Daddy" for your DS. I wish more bio-parents were ok with this title being shared, since it helps the kiddos feel more secure in their situations. For what it's worth, K tells everyone, "I have 2 moms" and calls me Mama Jo. I've been with my husband since before she was 2 and I've known her since she was born, she's now 6. So as far as she can remember, I've always been in her life. My niece (who's 8) calls her SF and BD "Daddy" as well, and she's incredibly well adjusted and happy. As long as it what the child wants, I think it's great. The only time I get angry at the titles being used is when it's being forced on the child.
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I agree with this! Welcome!
Welcome to the board.
Great that your son is happy and healthy. We are big advocates for the kids around here.
I think a lot of people take issue to the mom/dad term when it upsets the other parent, thus causing stress that affects the child, OR the kid is 'encouraged' to say it.