WTH???!!!!

BarbourWales04

I've bolded the important bit. This is mainly a vent. Warning: This is long.

My DH's ex-BIL (that's one hell of a tangled situation) had DH's nieces for a week- and they ended up staying with us even though they had alternate arrangements because the girls would be more comfortable here. DH and I are living in my MIL and FIL's house rent free for the moment- housesitting, mostly. I'm okay with having the girls- but it also turned into one long babysitting session for DH and me, because DH's ex-BIL isn't the most responsible person on earth, and you can't park an 8 and a 5 year old in front of a TV all day and expect them not to act like heathens. I was exhausted. And that, I could have done without. We didn't get a thank you or anything of that nature. In fact, when the girl's mom (my SIL) came to get them at the end of the week, she spent most of the time bitching about how the house looked like hell. Never mind that I'm nine months pregnant and can barely bend over.

Apparently, my older niece decided it would be a marvelous idea to chop off a good bit of her sister's hair (along with her own), and none of the adults noticed it until my SIL came to get them. I would, of course, argue that it wasn't DH or my job to keep track of our nieces hair, especially since their father was here and staying in the same house.

Now DH's ex BIL is saying that he needs to borrow a car for a few days. He seems to have expected that he could borrow our ILs, which we are currently using. Never mind the fact that yesterday was my due date and I could give birth at any moment, and the fact that the car seat is in the back of IL's car and they won't let you take a baby home without a car seat. DH said that wasn't going to happen.

My BIL is staying with us for a work thing. We were expecting his wife, but instead he brought his business partner, and he swears he told us about it (he totally didn't). Now he's saying  that the two of them (along with BIL's wife) will be staying for a couple weeks, when DH swore up and down to me that he was staying for a few days and would be gone before my parents get here on the 10th. I'm pretty sure that's what BIL said as well.

BIL expected that my parents could just stay with neighbors. Um, hells no. They're flying to another hemisphere to get here, I haven't seen them in a year and a half. They are not staying with someone they've never met on a blow-up mattress. That's just not happening. I have a hard enough time with the fact that a man I've met one time is sleeping in the bedroom next to mine and DH's and will most likely be here when I give birth... never mind the fact that I would just like to be with my parents and my husband and my child and not have to put my "hostess face" on.

The theory here seems to be that since DH and I are housesitting for my ILs it doesn't matter if the entire family wants to troop through here and stay as long as they damn well please. I want to slap every single one of them.

Thank you if you've gotten this far. If I don't have a leg to stand on, please tell me- but this is frustrating as hell. 

Violeteyedhottie84

You poor girl! That so sucks!! I can't imagine dealing with all of that being 9 months pregnant. Everything is irritating to me at this point and all of what you're dealing with would definitely push me over the edge

MrsGinDC

I do not understand why you and DH didn't already simply tell BIL that this arrangement won't work out and he's going to have to make other plans. If you need to get your ILs to back you up then do that, but if you're currently house sitting and in charge of the home while they are gone then you're in a position to say no. Be direct and if he gets pissed too bad. I would have told him no way when he showed up but now that he's there with the random guy I would say that they have to be gone when you get home from the hospital. 

What kind of business is he in that he would show up with a business partner to stay at his ex-ILs house anyway and expect to use their car? 

BarbourWales04

@Mrs. G- We didn't tell BIL that because he showed up yesterday with his business partner and completely blindsided us. We could have handled it if my BIL had come with his wife-- but this random guy threw us for a loop. BIL is a videographer. It's been approximately 12 hours and my DH has already had a massive stress headache. Plus, it seems that they expect me to clean up after them. I refuse to do it. They didn't tell us they were planning to stay for a few weeks until after they got here.

BIL is my husband's brother, and since this is "his house too" I don't think DH feels that he CAN tell his brother to get lost. Though I am really tempted to explain that if he insists on staying around until after I get back from the hospital, I'm going to come to his and his wife's house when she gets pregnant and stay there for two weeks when it's her due date. I think it's the fact that BIL brought his business partner that bothers me. I'm going to be recovering from a major medical procedure and there's this random dude in the house? I don't have an issue with my parents being here, for obvious reasons-- but some random guy, I do have an issue with. BIL is family, and you do for family, but his business partner is not. I have to wonder WTH my BIL was thinking. To add a bit more to the stress, the only reason my DH's two sisters and their families aren't staying here as well is because there simply isn't room, and I refused to dislodge my parents in favor of people who can see my son whenever they darn well please. That was something I put my foot down on.

My SIL was married for a while, and since she has two kids from the marriage her ex is still around a lot. DH's ex- BIL (my nieces father) was the one who was staying with us for a week, along with the nieces. He was the one who wanted to use the car.

It's hard to keep track, frankly- and TBH, the past few weeks have made me really greatful I'm an only child. 

Vive

I think I would have lost my temper well before now with this family and the reactions/expectations of your in-laws. I hope everything works out in the end but for now *big hugs*

doggie mama

It sounds like this is the "family" house and unless you have a clear mandate from your MIL and FIL to do so, maybe you don't feel comfortable kicking them out? That said, this is a long term house sitting situation, right? and although I'm sure it's beneficial to you and DH in some ways you are doing them a service as well. It's not like you are watching the house for a weekend right? You've pretty much made it your domicile for this arrangement and I would think that gives you a little more leverage.

Plus, there's what people are obligated to do and what they should do, because it's the right thing. Maybe your BIL isn't obligated to leave since it's the "family" house, but it's pretty douche-y of him not to, KWIM? 

You don't need this, and I think you are well within your rights to ask them to leave.

sisterjanet

If BIL is on such good terms with the neighbors that he feels confident they would take your parents in, I suggest you tell him to go stay next door where you go into labor, so you get the random guy out of your hair and then you and your parents and new family will have some extra room.  (Also, them expecting you to clean up after them is terrible anyway, but especially with you being totally pregnant.)

BarbourWales04

Thanks, everyone, for telling me I'm not insane . I appreciate that. It has been a long term arrangement- DH and I have been living here since March.

DH sent an email to FIL and MIL this morning, asking them to suggest to BIL that he and the random dude find somewhere else to stay when my parents get here in a few days. DH and BIL don't get along well, and the only way BIL would actually do anything is if my ILs told him to.

My parents and DH have a, shall we say, contentious relationship, and having my BIL here will just make things worse. BIL is a genuinely nice guy, but he can honestly only be handled in small doses. And my ultra-conservative parents aren't going to appreciate the constant cursing. TBH, for both DH and I my parents rank a bit higher on the "hosting" scale than BIL.

I don't know. I think what bothers me more than anything is that it seems like me, the baby, and my side of the family weren't even considered in this. BIL knows that DH and my parents have had issues, and he didn't even seem to consider the fact that I haven't seen my parents in a year and a half and would really appreciate some time on my own with them, not to mention that DH and I are going to need some time adjusting to a new baby. I married DH and moved to another country (which was my choice and wasn't a big deal) and as much as my ILs keep telling me I'm part of the family, it's stuff like this that really makes me feel like an outsider. Maybe I was raised differently, but if I was in BIL's shoes I never would have considered this, parent's house or not. If it was my brother and his new wife, who's on the verge of giving birth for the first time, I would have asked to stay with a neighbor or found a hotel room.

Sorry about the long updates. I'm just flabbergasted by the whole situation.