Recurring PPD

cbmp06

Back story: I had a pretty bad bout of PPD after DD was born.  I take Cymbalta anyway for a history of depression and although I didn't take anything while pregnant, I did amazingly well.  I got back on my meds as soon as I gave birth but pretty much as soon as we got home, PPD set in.  For about 2 or 3 weeks I just sat in a recliner holding DD, feeding her, rocking her.  She was THE only thing I cared about.  I lost about 30 lbs because I wasn't eating, taking care of myself.  I cried constantly, I didn't think I deserved this beautiful baby girl or my wonderful husband.  I made an emergency appointment with the psychiatrist and she upped my dosage and added Abilify.  It helped a lot and I felt more like me.  I started eating, getting dressed, putting makeup on, cleaning and cooking, reading books, etc.  Fast foward to now, 4 months later.  I'm starting to feel... lost again.  I cry a lot.  I feel like I don't deserve my family - like my husband and daughter would be better off without me.  I am a heavy girl and I seek food for comfort.  When DD naps I just wander around the house, and end up sitting on the couch just waiting for her to get up - I don't know what to do with myself.  Im incredibly lonely - I have NO friends nearby and definitelly no mommy friends to commiserate with.  It's not so bad that Im not getting dressed or neglecting housework or cooking.  Admittedly, I forget to take my meds on occasion, or just plain get too busy and I'm sure that attributes to the problem.  I have an appt with the psychiatrist next month and I'm considering asking her about counseling.  Anyway I guess I just needed to vent because I feel pretty sad and alone and pathetic. Hope everyone is having a good week and surviving the heat wave<3

EllasBride

Aw Momma... I know where you are coming from. 

Check out your hospital and see if they offer a Mommy Talk group. Your OB might know of groups in your area, too.

Wishing you only the best.