- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Parenting
Rant
There's a thread going on FB started by a woman that I really like. She has one of those situations where something happened and she doesn't know which kid did it. A whole bunch of people said that she should just punish them both since she couldn't figure it out.
That is seriously one of my pet peeves. How is that even remotely just to the child who didn't do anything? Someone said it could just be a "consequence for finger pointing." But the child that didn't do anything isn't finger pointing, they're just honestly stating that they didn't do anything wrong! I pointed out how alienated the child being punished for something they didn't do would feel, and a woman jumped into say that she thinks that we're too concerned about hurting our kids feelings these days. If your boss can't figure out who did what wrong between you and a co-worker and decides to fire you both aren't you going to be a bit ticked off? Won't that cause problems between you and your co-worker?
The problem was that one of her children used a washcloth to wipe with after a BM as opposed to toilet paper. Just throw the darn washcloth away and move on. It's a WASHCLOTH. She had both kids clean the washcloth together. Someone said that it was just a chore that needed to be done and wasn't really a punishment... well if I'm forced to clean my sister's poop off of a washcloth by hand, I'm going to feel pretty punished.
Sorry, I've already been too vocal on the thread and what's done is done. But I need to vent somewhere.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Rant
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
LOL! I think you're right.
I don't see the problem with punishing both kids. Both kids learn the lesson. Both kids also learn that while it's right not to squeal, that doesn't mean it's the easy road & you may still have to pay a price.
I mean, she had them clean the washcloth FFS. It's not like they had to do some punishment inappropriate to the incident.
Hold up.
You guys don't think that it was a major overraction on the mom's part to make two kids wash a washcloth when one of them used it for toilet paper?
Am I missing something in the story? Was it a dare or something? Was it shoved under someone's bed for three weeks?
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
I admittedly don't have a toddler yet, so I'm not totally familiar with the ins and outs of discipline. But I remember being a kid well enough to know how being punished for something you didn't do tends to teach you that you should just go ahead and be bad. Life isn't just, so who cares about obeying the rules? One might argue that not punishing anyone encourages bad behavior.
I guess my bigger question is trying to figure out why the child used a wash cloth rather than toilet paper. Was the roll empty? Does the child know how to replace it? Did the child not understand the difference between something you flush and something you re-use? This is a discussion the parent can have with both children. Teaching them the WHY of the behavior seems far more important than assigning blame. Functional work environments do just this when something goes wrong; it's far more important figuring out the root cause of a problem rather than assigning blame.
Apparently someone needed to have a consequence and it wouldn't be fair to mom to have to do a load of laundry. Because a child going without a punishment for something they did would be the absolute end of the world. They would grow up to be an ax murderer and it would all be because mom put the washcloth in the washing machine. Apparently as long as it's fair to mom it doesn't matter if it's REALLY not fair to innocent sibling. Mom = bigger so Mom = more important.
I know that's not how she thinks but that's what it feels like to the wronged child.
Ok so, I understand the point of the punishment in fred's example.
In this one I just can't figure out why there would be a punishment unless it was done on a dare or it was an intentional thing.
Let me put it another way.
I'm imagining some poor kid sitting on a toilet after pooping. He/she looks over and there's no TP. He/she uses a washcloth and hides it out of embarrassment. Then I imagine this mom going all "NO WIRE HANGER EVARRR" on the kids and making them clean the washcloth at 2AM.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Yes! and Thank you!
CG - it happened today. And eventually (after they had cleaned the washcloth) one child confessed to it. So it was just that one kid used the washcloth and put it on the floor. I don't know any more to the story.
So my problem with this logic is - she asked them... they both said the other one. It was clearly one of them. But one of them is 100% innocent. They didn't do ANYTHING. I understand asking the kid to take responsibility for cleaning the washcloth that they dirtied. I don't have any problem with that. But these are two separate individuals, one of which did absolutely nothing. Just because mom doesn't know which one did it doesn't make them both responsible. If the police have two suspects in a murder case, and they don't know which one did it but they are sure one of them did, they don't send both people to jail for life because "well, one of you did it!" It just doesn't make sense. The justice for one does not minimize the injustice to the other.
This.
All of it.
"Don't do that again! If you do, you'll have to wash it yourself! Eeeewwwww!!" is enough, right?
My Blog
Okay, you're right. It's not murder. I'm probably reacting pretty strongly because I have some not so pleasant memories of being punished for things my siblings did. What I'm trying to say is that yes, it matches what the incident is, but not for the child who didn't do anything. What matches for the child who didn't do anything is nothing. I far prefer to not punish a child who did something wrong than punish a child who did nothing. Ignoring that child's feelings because "well we don't know who did it" really bothers me. And saying that, "we're too worried about hurting our kids feelings these days" is callous toward someone who doesn't deserve callousness.
I'm totally with CG and Grr on this one. And Lucky Dad. And OP.
1. I am not a fan of punishing two for the wrongdoing of one.
2. I am not a fan of having kids hand wash poop off a washcloth as punishment. Just NMS.
3. Unless this is a prank or a pattern of behavior (in which case I'm guessing there might be a clue as to whose behavior it is), I don't know that it's worthy of punishment. Especially if it's the "out of TP; need to wipe my butt" problem. It just requires an explanation of the appropriate course of action.
4. Am I crazy for not wanting to punish a kid for pointing fingers? I'm not saying I want to raise a tattle tale, but I don't think you should ever punish a kid for telling the truth, especially to parents. I would prefer one of my kids to let me know if the other kid is running with a bad crowd or having an issue at school so that I can keep an eye out and prevent irreparable damage.
Making 2 kids wash out a poop covered washcloth is not a horrible life scarring punishment. Overreacting & e-yelling at your friends is a bad idea. Could she have done it differently? Sure. Your presentation isn't going to be the opinion that sways her into thinking about a different course of action though.
I am sorry for what you've gone through. Truly. You need to find a balance of your internal passion though.
Just so you know, I didn't e-yell at my friends. I suggested an alternative method of going about things, I mentioned that it can be hurtful to a child to be punished for something they didn't do, and then I came and e-yelled at all of you. Because I can't hurt your feelings! lol! I just figured this was a more appropriate place for my rant than in a civil discussion on facebook.
I really feel like sofa and judahs are reading an entirely different story than I am.
Am I turkey-in-the-car/Bachelor-party-guise!-ing this post?
Because I'm reading it more of a "let the punishment fit the crime" issue, not a finger pointing issue.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Srsly, I do happen to think washing a washcloth you poo'd on fits the crime. I may be wrong, but I don't think that's an overly harsh punishment.
But ITA that it's a bizarre and extreme punishment for a one-time offense, unless we're talking about 16yo kids pulling a prank, like you said.
sofa - I would agree with you if we found out the reason why the kid wiped his/her butt with the washcloth.
Until we find out it's something other than running out of TP and having no other choice but to wipe with a washcloth, I'm sticking with overly harsh punishment.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
Even though I say I'd just punish both, it would be completely situational for me to do so. You picture a sitch where the kids have a practical reason for doing this. I can see that. (Also, I'd just throw the damn poopy washcloth away, but I digress) I can picture a couple of jerk kids, much like my sis & I, wiping poo on a washcloth because we were azzholes. Also, just because only one did the wiping, doesn't mean they weren't both in on it.
Yeah, even if I DID make one or both kids clean the washcloth, I'd still throw the damn thing away afterward. That's nasty. And there's no way kids would get it clean. And I'd worry about rubbing poo all over every time I used it.
1. Put washcloth in washing machine on hot and add bleach.
2. Dry at hottest setting.
WTH, guys?
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
IT HAD POO ON IT! And Imma wash my face with that later, so ewwwww.
Yes, but if it's washed the poo is no longer there.
I feel like I'm on some Bizarro World Bump board or something.
It's starting to freak me out.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
do you use them for yourself? I am just thinking hand washing is gross. And I have no idea what the filtration capabilities on a washer are. I guess it goes away all the way? Its just one wash cloth. I would not want to put it in w/ my clothes.
I've used washcloths on myself in an emergency.
It's NBD.
Unable to even.
********************
You don't understand the appeal of Benedict Cumberbatch / think he's fug / don't know who he is? WATCH SHERLOCK. Until you do, your negative opinion of him will not be taken seriously.
I'm stuck on why any of this needed to be posted here too.
No one's life would have been ruined if both got punished or if neither got punished. While what she did sucks for the kid who didn't do anything, she'd rather see an innocent kid get punished than a guilty kid get away with it and continue to misbehave. Agree with the mom or disagree all you want, but this isn't something to lose sleep over.