What do you do...

AmberMH08

when all your SD wants is her mommy and all she has is you the SM and she hates you for it. DH works 65+hrs a week so SD when she is here is with me and DS. SD is 8 and wants to go home but i've tried contacting her BM with no response. She never answers until day she is supposed to get her back usually. I am being nice about it just saying her mommy is at work I'lll try again later knowing thats a lie but SD has been violent and just mad at world last few days. I go to bed and cry over it im loosing my mind here there is nothing I can do to make her mommy want her and I can't replace her mommy and she hates me so she has said many times. I know she is hurting but she is also hurting me and her brother by being rude and mean to us.

I know when I mention it to DH he will just say theres nothing he can do but Somethings gotta give I am litterally feel like i'm going crazy here. I am tired of lieing for BM when i really wanna tell SD hey look ur mom doesn't want you home I would never say that though. DH I am tired of him just thinking its ok to dump her on me 24/7 he literally spends 1-2hrs a day with her and shes here 10+days at a time. She doesn't need counseling she needs her mom and dad. I don't know how much more mentally I can take of this.

I know I am gonna get flamed as a bad step mom but this is just how I feel at the moment. It is hard to take care of some1 do everything school related do everything her parents shouldv'e been doing the past 5yrs almost 6yrs and still she hates that I am the 1 steping up to do the job they are failing at. I can't make either of them step up but I also don't know how much more I can take of SD behavior It is alot for me to take on by myself. DS and new LO need me too and I have no time for them because SD requires so much from me.

SWmama

I disagree with 2 points you've made here. First of all, you're not a bad SM. Parenting is hard work, even more so when it's a child who's not biologically yours, even more when you're hugely pregnant, add to that having another LO in your home.

Secondly, I think she does need counseling. She has, for all intents and purposes 2 absent parents. A (bio) mom who clearly doesn't want her around and a dad who is emotionally absent due to working all the time. No wonder she's angry all the time, I'm angry for her! 

You need to have a Very Serious discussion with your DH. Definitely individual and maybe even family counseling are in order. He also needs to step up to the plate and parent. I'm sure he works hard and is tired but hell, you're tired too.

And while you're at it, book yourself a massage, a pedi, something.

bebe11

So sad for that little girl!  8 is a hard age for a little girl, she probably KNOWS that her Mom doesn't want her there, that is why she is more than likely lashing out. 

Your H needs to step up and take some time for his daughter, NOW.  You are in a really tough spot.  I know I personally couldn't deal with it like you are.  Sorry I don't have better advice, but I think your SD would benifit from some sort of theraphy.

sld5711

You are not a bad SM!! I know where you are coming from and am in a very similar situation.  You are doing the best you can and thats all you can do.  I think you need to have a serious talk with DH and let him know that this situation that he and BM are putting you in is not fair. 

 I also agree with PP on 2 things...first I think this little girl does need counseling because at 8 you notice things and I am sure she feels just like you that both her mom and dad are pushing her off on you and second you need to schedule yourself a pedi, mani, and massage because you are doing a great job being a mom and SM!!!

AmberMH08

SWmama:

I disagree with 2 points you've made here. First of all, you're not a bad SM. Parenting is hard work, even more so when it's a child who's not biologically yours, even more when you're hugely pregnant, add to that having another LO in your home.

Secondly, I think she does need counseling. She has, for all intents and purposes 2 absent parents. A (bio) mom who clearly doesn't want her around and a dad who is emotionally absent due to working all the time. No wonder she's angry all the time, I'm angry for her! 

You need to have a Very Serious discussion with your DH. Definitely individual and maybe even family counseling are in order. He also needs to step up to the plate and parent. I'm sure he works hard and is tired but hell, you're tired too.

And while you're at it, book yourself a massage, a pedi, something.

that would be awesome to have time to do that or money. We pay 400 a month in CS so money is tight in summer since we have her more we are spending more food and TP omg she goes thru a roll or more a day and eats like 12 kids...She has been in couseling before and they said same thing as me she needs more time with DH and BM alone one on one. DH has taken her when he has time to movies alone or plays whatever video games she wants but there is nothing we can do to change how BM is and no amount of therapy will help 8yr old understand it or even me understand it. My mom worked alot when I was growing up and we never bonded and I see the same thing happening to SD that is the sad part every girl should have a bond with thier mom.  I feel so guilty having a lil girl this time because SD will see the bond I have with LO and hate me and LO for it as well. I can't not bond with my other children that isnt fair to them. I want more children always wanted to have 4 but with SDs situation in the mix I am getting tubes tied after this one just so I will maybe have enough time to juggle the emotions of it all...

I am very very tired I stay up till 2-3 cleaning kids up at 730 and all day of the reg kid things feeding cleaning up messes and play time... then supper and pack dh lunch 4 work and then hes off to work and I have to do baths and bedtime. I am off my babysitting job for the summer till  aug. I will be back to babysitting 5days a week a 2yr old haaaazaaa i am super woman lol ...

 

AmberMH08

On a side note/vent I am also frustrated with MIL  she took care of SD for like 2 days a week for the yr b4 I came along... She after all these yrs isnt over that I am now the 1 who does it all for her I am the SM that is my job... Ive posted b4 about MIL yelling and such... well MIL was allowed back at our house over the past weekend I am not happy about that at all and she still hasn't apoligized and still says I am the devil and a horrible mom. thats last of my many stresses of life feels good to get that all out of my head at very least haha

AmberMH08

SD cried on and off all day today BM never called till lil bit ago to say she was at work and had forgot to call SD. said they won't have her bed up in new place for few days and SD has to sleep on couch till they get it done... they have had the new place over a month still not got her stuff in her room. We took her to park and for ice cream she is still mopeing around but not crying at least.

 

Tasheystar

That sounds like a tough situation to be in. I'm sorry that you're dealing with all that. I think the PPs gave you good advice. I don't really have anything to add since I'm not in the same situation as you. Good luck talking to your DH.