Ugh - really MIL?! re: ECing

boogerbearoriginal

So we've been talking about trying ECing, even though we're late to the game. H mentioned it to MIL yesterday, although he called it potty training, and she flipped out saying we were going to "damage LO" and that's what is wrong with his cousin (i.e. they forced him to potty train too young). FWIW his cousin is somewhat odd, but I don't think it has anything to do with the bathroom.

I repeated to H that this isn't potty training, there won't be bribes/rewards/punishments for using or not using the toilet. It's just us working on seeing his cues and taking him to the toilet instead of leaving him in a diaper. H even mentioned that he remembers his younger brother (8yrs younger) making a certain face when pooping and that's how he/older bro always knew to yell for Mom to change his diaper. So he "gets" the concept and is on board.

How do I tell MIL she's wrong, since she told H she was going to "have a talk with me", firmly but politely? If she doesn't bring it up I'm not going to but I want to be prepared if she does.

honkytonk_kid

She certainly did overreact, as it's none of her business in the first place, but in her defense your husband did mention "potty-training" an 11 month old, which she has apparently seen ill effects of. So, the misunderstanding is not 100% her fault.

It's really not a big deal. Just laugh and say, "Oh yeah, H said "potty-training," but we're not potty-training. He meant EC. EC is more just watching for signs of needing to go so he can get used to the toilet. No biggie if he doesn't!" And move on.

boogerbearoriginal

honkytonk_kid:

She certainly did overreact, as it's none of her business in the first place, but in her defense your husband did mention "potty-training" an 11 month old, which she has apparently seen ill effects of. So, the misunderstanding is not 100% her fault.

It's really not a big deal. Just laugh and say, "Oh yeah, H said "potty-training," but we're not potty-training. He meant EC. EC is more just watching for signs of needing to go so he can get used to the toilet. No biggie if he doesn't!" And move on.

HAHAHAHHA - I'm just imagining my MIL moving on that easily. She is one of the pushiest people I know.

Anyhow, yea I definitely side-eyed her saying we were going to damage LO. And I can't see what is wrong with H's cousin other than being socially awkward which I don't think is due to toilet training.  But seeing as how she thinks we're nuts anyway I guess I need to just shrug it off.

cecilyandgautam

Hopefully you have a better relationship with your MIL than I do, but I'm at the point now where if she offered another suggestion/instruction on how to raise my child, I plan on just saying "I'm sorry but our parenting decisions aren't up for discussion." I'm about 5 more comments away from having the same policy regarding how we run our household. 

prasad007

I'm just a lurker on this board, but I agree with pp-- just say "The decisions we make regarding parenting our child are ours and are not up for discussion." If she continues to try and engage you, end the visit/phone call. It is none of her business, and it sounds like she isn't open-minded and wouldn't understand your choices if you explained them to her (she would see it as a way to argue with you). But really, she doesn't have to understand your choices, just respect that they are yours to make and you, as your lo's parents, aren't making parenting choices that may harm your child.

boogerbearoriginal

Gastro:

Booger+Bear:

honkytonk_kid:

She certainly did overreact, as it's none of her business in the first place, but in her defense your husband did mention "potty-training" an 11 month old, which she has apparently seen ill effects of. So, the misunderstanding is not 100% her fault.

It's really not a big deal. Just laugh and say, "Oh yeah, H said "potty-training," but we're not potty-training. He meant EC. EC is more just watching for signs of needing to go so he can get used to the toilet. No biggie if he doesn't!" And move on.

HAHAHAHHA - I'm just imagining my MIL moving on that easily. She is one of the pushiest people I know.

Anyhow, yea I definitely side-eyed her saying we were going to damage LO. And I can't see what is wrong with H's cousin other than being socially awkward which I don't think is due to toilet training.  But seeing as how she thinks we're nuts anyway I guess I need to just shrug it off.

This would be the route I would take. It is none of her business how you parent but I think saying " it's none of your business" to your MIL will just create more tension between you two. 

True. Probably wouldn't go over well, and considering things are somewhat stilted between us I don't think it would improve the situation.  That's probably better than trying to explain it to her and deal with debating the issue.

PansyPants

Booger+Bear:

So we've been talking about trying ECing, even though we're late to the game. H mentioned it to MIL yesterday, although he called it potty training, and she flipped out saying we were going to "damage LO" and that's what is wrong with his cousin (i.e. they forced him to potty train too young). 

 

I don't understand how potty training can be damaging in any way. I'm pretty sure that if I started EC with my LO that he would be THRILLED about the whole thing. There would be a silly little potty getting carried all around the house, there would be some time sitting around on the silly little potty WITHOUT A DIAPER! and being naked is already his favorite thing!

Yeah, I'm fairly certain that if my LO knew that EC/potty training were an option, he would be mad that I hadn't started it already. 

SandiaPinaMama

1.  My favorite response to such criticisms from any side is "ha!  Well, it's a good thing you're not his mom, then, huh?"  I've never had this backfire, and my relationship with MIL is definitely tenuous.

2.  The naysayers shut up immediately the first time they saw my son pee.

3.  Eventually, this went the other way, to where they were worried that they wouldn't be allowed to babysit if they didn't practice EC with him (not how I roll, BTW).  Although now my mom always potties him, and MIL does about half the time.  She's still trying to figure out his schedule/cues. 

4.  GL!  It is a very rewarding method--just part of life for us now.  Even my child-less BIL takes our LO potty.

boogerbearoriginal

watermelon mom:

1.  My favorite response to such criticisms from any side is "ha!  Well, it's a good thing you're not his mom, then, huh?"  I've never had this backfire, and my relationship with MIL is definitely tenuous.

2.  The naysayers shut up immediately the first time they saw my son pee.

3.  Eventually, this went the other way, to where they were worried that they wouldn't be allowed to babysit if they didn't practice EC with him (not how I roll, BTW).  Although now my mom always potties him, and MIL does about half the time.  She's still trying to figure out his schedule/cues. 

4.  GL!  It is a very rewarding method--just part of life for us now.  Even my child-less BIL takes our LO potty.

I love this response! I am definitely going to stick that in my back pocket for future use

Since I'm off work today I figured it would be a good day to start and we had our first pee catch this morning! It was very exciting for me, LO was just happy to run around without a diaper all morning lol. 

boogerbearoriginal

PansyPants:

 

I don't understand how potty training can be damaging in any way. I'm pretty sure that if I started EC with my LO that he would be THRILLED about the whole thing. There would be a silly little potty getting carried all around the house, there would be some time sitting around on the silly little potty WITHOUT A DIAPER! and being naked is already his favorite thing!

Yeah, I'm fairly certain that if my LO knew that EC/potty training were an option, he would be mad that I hadn't started it already. 

I'm not sure what she thinks we are planning to do that will damage LO either. That's why I was so taken aback by her response. Does she think we are going to beat him or something?

Thus far LO has been thrilled to run around without a diaper.  So yea, maybe damaging him by letting him enjoy being naked?

TiffanyBerry

Early potty training, excessive coersion, and generally BAD potty training can lead to urinary and anal retention, increasing the risk for UTIs and constipation bad enough to send you to urgent care.  When it goes really bad, the damage and muscular/physical changes that occur can take years to correct.  There ARE downsides to poor potty training.

That said, EC'ing is NOT potty training.  And I'm pretty sure that anyone EC'ing who started to see that their LO was withholding would stop what they were doing and do something different.

pinksandbermuda

TiffanyBerry:

Early potty training, excessive coersion, and generally BAD potty training can lead to urinary and anal retention, increasing the risk for UTIs and constipation bad enough to send you to urgent care.  When it goes really bad, the damage and muscular/physical changes that occur can take years to correct.  There ARE downsides to poor potty training.

That said, EC'ing is NOT potty training.  And I'm pretty sure that anyone EC'ing who started to see that their LO was withholding would stop what they were doing and do something different.

My dh got the same response from friends when he was telling them about ec.  He thinks it is so amazing so he was surprised that about half of the people thought it was a bad idea for the reasons above.  People just don't know about it.

As for my MIL, she thinks it's funny because it is what they used to do in Africa (they are from Tanzania ).  But.. I guess they are out of practice bc they don't do it with her even though they know we are doing it.  But that is their choice, I'm not upset about it.  Op- I'd do what I could to keep the peace.  You do what you do, she doesn't need to be a part of it and hopefully it will blow over.