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Parenting
Please help me make a decision - long
I'm a lurker... You ladies are always honest with your feedback so I was hoping you could help me.
I need to make a decision on whether or not to switch from our current nanny to an in-home daycare. I have twins that will be 15 months. I have gone back and forth and really need some out side opinions. Here are the pros and cons, some items are listed in both columns. Technically price is the same except that the in-home also provides food and milk.
Thank you so much for your help!
Nanny Pros - she worked for us all last year, she has a very strong bond with my girls, having someone in my house forces me to keep my house clean, she does our laundry, I know exactly what my girls are eating and playing with, I don't have to get them ready or take them anywhere in the morning, I can quickly stop at the store before coming home, she will still come if they are sick(unless I want/need to be there), no other kids, no TV
Nanny Cons - She doesn't do anything with them except have them play with their toys, they never go outside, she clearly favors one DD, she doesn't leave when I get home -- often stays for an hour, she acts like they are her children not mine, I have to keep my house clean, I have to cook and prep all the girls food for the week, she is very uneducated, doesn't have any of her own thoughts on discipline or childcare, no other kids
In-home Pros - 22 years of experience, comes highly recommended from a co-worker, provides food and milk, does activities, goes outside, the library comes 2X a month, my house would stay clean because no one would be in it, her ideas about discipline seem to line up with mine, low ratio -- no more than 6 kids total, she's licensed
In-home Cons - She said she doesn't do any written communication, I don't know what she'd feed them (canned fruit instead of fresh??), her adult son is still around he has a job that he'd be at but he seemed off, the TV is on all day, I'd have to take them and pick them up (it's on my way)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Please help me make a decision - long
I would have a talk with the nanny about the favoritism and the lack of activities. If she'll willing to change, then I don't see any reason to get rid of her. It seems weird to me that the daycare doesn't give any written communication.
I agree with PPs. You should just fess up how you feel to your nanny about things. I know it sucks to feel like you might hurt her feelings, but just sit down with her and be as respectful as possible. Let her know your concerns, but then also assure her you and the girls love her and that's why you want to continually work together instead of switching to a formal day care.
This is my siggy. Love it.
Our in home is like the situation that you are describing. No written communication, her 20 year old son is home during the day, and the tv is on all day long.
Yet, I don't mind any of those things. She is really good so we do not mind the other stuff. And to add, our tv never comes on in our home-and I'm a firm believer in the no tv before 2 thing.
I agree with PP's talk to the nanny- address your concerns about them not being socialized or going outside, etc. Make sure you however, have things that make it easy for them to do activities like maybe a wagon or water table, sprinkler, etc.
My friend's nanny also did light cleaning; wiped counters, did dishes, vacuumed under the table, etc. I don't think that's unreasonable. Also, you shouldn't have to prepare their meals, she should be able to do that if given a list and the ingredients are in the fridge.
I would love to have a nanny vs DCP for all the pros you mentioned- you have no idea how annoying it is to have to take off for a sick kid, plan around DCPs days off, sick days, etc and then have RUSH there in traffic to get there before she closes. Those things are all the reasons I HATE being a working mom. It's the stress of getting her there, picking her up, etc. All of that adds so much time to my day and takes time away from her.
Are you comfortable with her driving them places? Why dont' you sign up for a My Gym or Gymboree type class? Maybe your library has some weekly class. I would even try to host playdates during the day if you know any SAHMs.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
I totally agree that my nanny is really is a babysitter, which is NOT what I thought I was getting.
Yes, I own a TV, but she respects my wishes and keeps it off.
The son might have special needs....it didn't come up. I just know that when we went over to visit (after-hours) he was there and gave my girls a piece of popcorn chicken without asking, joked about giving them a beer and teased them with candy. He looks to be about 22. Again, he will be at work when my girls would be there.
Ug, so what I'm hearing is that I need to be mature and have a discussion with my nannysitter and then make my decision.
Make a list of activities and outings that you would like them to do. Maybe make them an itinerary for each week. Bring it up to your sitter like..."Now that the kids are older, I would like them to be more active. I am going to make a list of things for you guys to do each week."
Make indoor activities easy too with good organization. She is probably going to be overwhelmed with two toddlers and the art supplies are in 10 different places in your house. I hated getting out play-doh and markers when DS was younger, but now that it is all organized, it's a breeze.
Do the same thing for discipline. Outline your plan and then tell her that you would like to start it now that they are older and you also wanted to make sure that you all were on the same page for consistency.
You don't have to make it seem like she isn't doing something, you are just adding new things.
Story hours at the library, music class, gym class/gymnastics would all have other kids too and solve that problem.
How do you know this? And if she "respects your wishes", why haven't you asked her to DO something with your children? It's completely within your rights as a parent to say to your nanny, "Hey, it's a beautiful day - please take them to the park."
I agree with the others that said neither one is a good option. I suggest looking around at other DCs or getting a new nanny. She would've been gone a long time ago if I were in your shoes. You described her as lazy, uneducated, inexperienced, and she undermines you as a mother. I don't think a mature talk would cut it, for me.
If you do decide to have the talk and keep her around, ditto pp that said you need to make an itinerary for her if you want her to start giving your kids some decent stimulation. It is your responsibility to sign them up for classes, lessons, etc.
Good luck with whatever you choose.
Maybe her lack of education and training is coming off as laziness. I am trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. If she wasn't raised on outings and activities, then maybe she doesn't know that it what you want.
I would be upset if my employer fired me, instead of simply telling that he wanted me to do something a certain way.
No, the fact that she never takes 15-month-old children out of the house = laziness.
I think being a nanny comes with expectations that you'll stimulate and entertain the kids, not sit around inside all day watching them play with their toys. If I were a nanny, I wouldn't be surprised if I was fired for doing that. I see what you're saying as far as maybe she just doesn't know what's expected of her because she didn't grow up with it, but this is her chosen profession and I feel that she should have at least some knowledge of what a nanny does. And it's not sitting around inside all day.
I guess I just I have higher expectations for child care givers. My mom was a child care giver for 20 years and always had the kids out - several different local libraries for storytime/play, zoos, parks, aquariums, museums, playdates. Those things were all things she just did; not inclusive of the gymnastics, swim, music classes that the parents had signed the kids up for.
She doesn't have have any formal schooling - so I truly don't think she has any ideas of her own. I bought her several "idea" books that are meant for teachers at daycare centers to help her get some ideas. I told her to make a list of anything she needed/wanted for any projects and I'd be happy to get them for her.
Beyond that, I really don't think I should have to plan their day..I thought I was paying her to do that.
She just seems to have a hard time getting it together. I think the day passes before she even knows it. Fortunately I generally am home by 3:30, which leaves me plenty of time to go to the park, have playdates, etc. (If, of course, I can get it together!)
Also, my girls aren't 15 months yet. They will be in the fall when I go back to work -- she took the summer off.
A PP did suggest this. They said get a different nanny, or find a different day care. And I agree.
You could try to "train" your babysitter and give her a chance to do a better job, if you want to go that route first.
Follow up:
My in-home doesn't provide written notes or anything like her former center did. That doesn't bother me. I think that's actually the norm. When we pick her up she gives us a run down of how she ate, slept, etc. I don't need to kill a tree each day to know if she's doing ok. KWIM? She comes home with art projects and that's enough for me.
Your assessment of her adult son that stays home all day who is a little "off" would be a huge red flag for me not to take my children there.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
Oh hell no.