Depressed

emmasones

My husband and I have been trying to conceive over a year now... My cousin whom I've grown up with just had her first baby.  I was so hurt when I found out that she was pregnant.  Not angry at her, but sad because I wasn't.  Her entire pregnancy I was on an emotional roller coaster ride.  I, myself, planned her entire baby shower and it was wonderful.  It was the hardest thing I have even done.  Well, 5 days ago she gave birth to a wonderful, healthy baby girl.  The feelings I had been having doubled, even trippled.  Why can't I get pregnant??  I was diagnosed with PCOS and then found I had sever insulin resistance.  I'm overweight but eating healthy and trying to lose some of that weight.  I'm taking metformin to help with the weight loss.  I know that there is someone out there who's going or has been through the same thing as me.  Any advice?  And diets that have worked for you to help you lose the weight?  Any getaways that you've gone on to help you cope?  How do you explain to your husband why you are so sad?  My husband really wants children but not as emotional as I am.  He keeps saying it will happen when it happens and I can't help but get angry with him saying that.  Should I not be acting this way?  I didn't go to the hospital for the birth, but instead stayed home and cried for hours about it.  I didn't even know why i was crying.  I just felt like crying.  I did go the next day to see her and it was so hard.  I see this cousin every week.  We even ride to work together.  How do I show that I'm happy for her but tell her I don't want to talk about baby clothes, or what her baby has done, or this or that about her baby.  I don't want to be like this but this is the only way that I'm helping myself cope with the fact that I can't get pregnant and I maybe never will get pregnant.

amb2013

So sorry, I've been there. Something that helped me is I tell myself it's not my turn yet. I still cry, still get emotional, and I still avoid Certain friends who are now on baby number two, the ones who keep asking when am I going to have a baby, or who I get emotional around. But I'm doing all I can to make a family and I need to be patient and keep my eye on the prize. Not sure if you are working with an RE yet, but that definitely helps...having a plan to follow. 

Allow yourself to take care of you and get healthy to conceive and to be a mom. Infirtility is so hard. But know you are not alone and you can get help.

Hugs. 

butterflybeauty10

I am sorry you are hurting!  I have been there many times.  I wish I had some words of wisdom, but I am right there with you.  I have watched many friends & family have child after child (even started TTC after we did)... it's hard having to put a smile on my face while I am in so much pain on the inside.  It's not that I am not happy for them... it's just a reminder of what I don't have.  I started TTC 11 years ago... I still do not know how to cope with baby news... it sure hasn't gotten any easier over the years.  Please vent it out to those who have been through IF (on this site or your local IF support group, maybe a friend who has endured IF), get mad, cry, take a day to lounge in your pjs... whatever it takes to let it out, but don't leave your emotions bottled up.  It's normal to be depressed along this journey.. it can feel lonely.  I hope you have success soon & don't have to keep feeling these sad feelings that come with IF.  I wish you the best of luck with your weight loss journey! 

 

versace1008

I am so sorry, IF is so hard to go thru! its an emotional roller coaster!

I was just like you once, I will tell you that men handle this differently than women for the most part...are you going thru any fert treatments with an RE? My husband was much better at dealing with IF than I was even though on the inside I think he was hurting too...they are not emotional like women. Also IF can really test your marriage. 

For me I was always the emotional wreck and my husband was always the calm one...maybe you should tell your cousin to read the below from Resolve, from the IF Associatoin, I was avoiding my friend who is pregnant bec I couldnt hear her complain about her symptoms and after she read this she has been so sympathetic actually, I was shocked bec I thought she was always so selfish, you can even find support groups in your area, that might help, I feel for anyone that has to go thru this, it sucks and its so draining! I was diagnosed with unexplained infertility. Definately go to teh Resolve website, see the link below:

 https://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html

amanda040

Hello. My sister in law has gone through this and actually lost the weight with metformin and weight watchers as well and exercising. She starts trying her first ivf in July! I don't have the PCOS or insulin resistant, but I do have to lose a significant amount of weight before the RE will even start talking to my husband about IVF. I have lost 45lbs and have been doing ww online and exercising 5 to 6 days a week. My husband is the same and I think men just have a different way of feeling things and showing it. I feel like he wants to be the strong one. Good luck to you and I wish and hope or the best for you and your husband! If you ever need to talk about weight issues Ifeel free to get a hold of me! Take care!

Rorr2

I'm in a similar situation. We have been trying for two years. Last September, after 16 months we did get pregnant. I found out my cousin who had been trying for 2 months was also pregnant. We would have been due about a week apart. I lost my baby and she just delivered a perfect little boy.  I have been dreading the phone call all week and avoiding Facebook. I spent some time in tears as well. And I feel lime an awful person even though I am happy for her. 

IF sucks and is so not fair. These boards are a great source to have. It really helps to not feel so completely alone.

What you are feeling is completely normal. And I'm sorry we are all here.