What did I do wrong. ? Long

Soontobemrspaulding

Hi ladies, I have never been here before. Please don't flame me as I realize I am not as educated as I should be about this question. What did I do wrong the first time?  I took our hospitals basic birthing class and thought I was ready but when labor hit I was out of control. My water broke and contrax started immidiately. Within one hour they were 1 minute apart and stayed that way til delivery. I wanted a water birth but honestly by the time I got to the hospital the pain was so so horrendous I could not talk, could not do anything but scream to god for help. I just felt completely out of control. I ended up having an epidural at 8 Cm which made my blood pressure drop. I had to start pushing immidiately and after an hour my daughter had to be vaccuum delivered. I am now five days away from giving birthagain. I know I should have been thinking about this sooner but to be honest I think I have been avoiding thinking about it because my first experience was so so terrible. Is there anything I can do at this point?  I keep feeling like there is more I can do and birth could be different. Sorry this is so long. Thanks

judahsmommy1

You will NEVER get flamed on this board for your birth experience. (If you did, the person flaming you would get flamed!) A lot of us wound up with birth experiences the first time around that were not what we wanted. I did. Who knows if my second delivery will go in a more ideal way than the first. So here is my question for you:

Do you want to have a med free birth experience or is the idea of it too stressful for you? Is it something you want or something you feel like you "should" do? Your first birth sounds incredibly intense. If your second birth is similar are you wanting more tools to try to deal with pain or do you need someone to say, "It's OKAY to get an epidural if you need one!"? Your second birth could be completely different from your first. My mom had six children. My older sister was a difficult delivery. I was an induced birth. The next child after me, my mom has said that her delivery was "uncomfortable but not painful."

You are the only person in your head. What do YOU need to go into this feeling more in control and more ready? More information? Reassurance? Permission to make decisions for yourself? 

hopecounts

Honestly, it sounds like you weren't fully prepared and you had hard labor start very quickly. That would be tough for anyone to deal with regardless of their preparations. 

If you want a natural birth it takes a good bit of time to prepare and typically more skills then the basic hospital class gives.  

Read natural birth the Bradley way and birthing from within ASAP for additional skills and techniques that you can implement during labor.

Make a playlist of calming/soothing music to listen to to help you get and stay in the zone. or music that makes you feel good, whichever you think will work for you.

Make sure your birth partner is informed of the various techniques you may want him to use during labor. A cheat sheet with suggestions/ideas may be helpful.

Good Luck. 

ETA: all of the poster aboves comments apply. Don't feel like you have to have a natural birth. There is nothing wrong with deciding YOU want an epi if that's what you decide is best for you. :-) 

iris427

You didn't do anything wrong.  You had a fast hard labor that sounds like it would have knocked anyone off their game.  Hopefully your upcoming delivery will be nothing like that, but try to focus on relaxation during your contractions.  One thing that really helped me during my med-free birth was making low-pitched noises and makes sure I was keeping my jaw relaxed.  I got that tip from Ina May and it was so helpful, and it did not require any preparation.  Also take it one contraction at a time.  Try to focus on just getting through that particular contraction, not worrying about the next one.  Relax as much as you can in between them. GL!

phq2011

A birth experience can never be "wrong". You brought a beautiful life into this world and from the sounds of it, it came very fast. If your significant other is with you in the room and you want to try med free (or not) I suggest the Bradley book above which was written by someone who knew Dr. Bradley. The book is great for techniques. I highly recommend for you and your SO's sake, you also read The Husband Coached Childbirth by Dr. Bradley. This method helps me feel very prepared and gives great techniques for your husband. He even discusses fast v. slow labor as well as postpartum care and breastfeeding. I know several moms who have had a lot of success and feel prepared from his books and classes and had multiple successful births this way. This is just my experience thus far, but I know you will do what you need to do for your family. Mom's tend to do that

MangomamaFL

iris427:

You didn't do anything wrong.  You had a fast hard labor that sounds like it would have knocked anyone off their game.  Hopefully your upcoming delivery will be nothing like that, but try to focus on relaxation during your contractions.  One thing that really helped me during my med-free birth was making low-pitched noises and makes sure I was keeping my jaw relaxed.  I got that tip from Ina May and it was so helpful, and it did not require any preparation.  Also take it one contraction at a time.  Try to focus on just getting through that particular contraction, not worrying about the next one.  Relax as much as you can in between them. GL!

I agree. Take it one contraction at a time. Once you are done with a contraction you will never have "that" contraction again. Relax and get ready for the next one. Each contraction brings one more contraction closer to the birth.

 

kami1977

I've done a pain med-free birth twice now, and honestly both times I asked or thought about getting an epidural.   My first birth my water was broken for 17 hours and my doctor started pitocin.   While I was on the pitocin, I told my DH I "think" I want an epidural.   He kept me from getting one and 30 minutes later I was pushing.    He did exactly what I had told him to do prior to labor and I was happy he kept me from getting the epidural.  Our doula for that birth was going to get me one but DH told her no.

My second labor was like yours fast and furious, 3 hours from first contraction to delivery.  While I was laboring at home, I did think to myself if it hurts so bad right now I'm going to need an epidural when we get to the hospital.  My water broke at home soon after and I immediately had to push.   We arrived at the hospital and DD was born 30  minutes later.  I honestly prefer my first labor even with the pitocin since my second was so fast that I felt out of control for most of it. 

IMHO, if you want a pain med free birth it's really important to discuss with your labor support person, the circumstances in which they should try and talk you out of one vs when they need to tell the nurse to get you one.   For us, I told DH if I demanded it, he was to get me one, but if I said I think or I was wishy wash he was to talk me out it.   Also, the Bradley class and books talk about the sign posts of labor and the third one, self doubt occurs during transition and is usually a signal that you'll be pushing soon.   Making sure your labor support person understands this is important.

If you really want to go med free, I would look at strategies to help you cope with the contractions.   I took Bradley class but the laying down relaxation position the teach in the class and book was the last position I wanted to be in.   For my first I wanted to be standing up and I would lean over and grab the rail on the wall during my contractions.   When they started pitocin, they kept trying to get me to lie back on the bed which made the contraction harder to get through than being upright.   For my second labor I sat upright in my bathtub at home with warm water.   When my DH finally woke up, I would grip his hand tightly during contractions.   Perhaps, if you have the funds you might look into hiring a doula,,however that might not work since your first labor was so fast.  Good luck with your upcoming birth and remember however you give birth with or without pain medication it was the right birth for you and your baby.