Late Term and Child Loss
It may sound weird but I am dreading July 4th
I pretty much hate all holiday now that Gavin is gone but participate for the sake of LO and SS. You would think 4th of July wouldn't be so bad but for me it is. After Gavin was born my step dad wanted to get him an outfit. So he went out and bought him 4th of July swim trunks, a romper and matching sandals. Now he's a man athat doesn't ever try to buy clothes so I thought it was so cute he did that. I remember the big smile on his face as he brought them over and how he couldn't wait for Gavin to wear them. I hate so much that he never got to wear that outfit. This all may sound silly but to me it matters and hurts really bad.
I did get Blake and outfit and swim trunks for our families party but it is going to be another hard day for me.
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Re: It may sound weird but I am dreading July 4th
**Siggy Warning**
It doesn't sound weird to me at all. It's the little things that count. My favorite holiday used to be July 4th.The fireworks, the BBQs, hanging out with friends was the best! Since Ian was born sleeping on July 3rd I haven't been able to enjoy the holiday. My memory always flashes back to watching the fireworks out my hospital room window. It will never be the same. Hugs to you and hopes that the day brings more smiles than tears.
Oh hunny that just made me cry. My son first died on Memorial Day (later revived). I had his outfit all picked out on his dresser and never could bring myself to put it away. While at the hospital I went outside for a minute because I was ready to pass out. It was in the middle of a neighborhood and I remember everyone partying around me as my world was crashing down.
I will be thinking of you this 4th and I also hope your day is more full of peace then sadness. HUGS
You aren't alone or weird has PP said. I'm not really looking forward to it either. I would've been 35/35 and the plan for me was to try and get Aaron to come on the 4th so he really would've been a little firecracker. I understand how you feel about the outfit as well. Aaron's nursery was turtle themed and when I was just at the beginning of my 2nd tri I found the cutest turtle outfit but it was 12mo. I bought it anyway and decided it was going to be his outfit for his 1st birthday. Now it kills me he'll never get to wear it...
It will be a hard day but we'll make it through like every other, and none of us will be alone.
Oh sweety you are not weird at all.
I used to love labor day b/c my bday is Sept 6th and often falls on hat weekend. Well that year it was on my Bday and we had a huge party and then I left her with Nana so I could go out with DH for the 7th and 8th. We picked her up the mornign of the 9th.
She died on the 10th. I wasten her last few days dinking with my hubby. I have barely drank since.
I now hate labor day and my Bday, I souldn't get to celebrate if she can't.
I'm sorry.
There is something about the 4th that gets me depressed. First off, it's my sister's birthday and I remember on her birthday after I found out I was pg with Jack, how excited we all were because the following year, there would be a new addition to celebrate with (my sister was ESTACTIC when I told her she was going to be an aunt). I couldn't wait to take him to the fireworks, and swimming and all that typical summer stuff.
Then the 4th after Jack died, I stood at my in-laws house crying while watching fireworks because he wasn't there..and he should have been.
I just hate all holidays in general..it's just another reminder that Jack isn't here.
BTW-Both your boys are so handsome!
Thanks for all the kind words and sharing your stories. I am glad I am not alone but not happy that you all will be sharing that sadness with me tomorrow.
PotterMommy- I used to feel the same way that I was not going to celebrate any holiday because if my son was not here to celebrate with why would I? I know now that I will have to do something for the sake of my SS and LO. You do deserve to celebrate and I know your daughter would want you to. It is just hard for you to because holidays and special days remind us more of the ones we are missing.
JulesVerne-I know exactly what you mean.I remember everyone being so excited for Gavin to come and to celebrate with us. Then when he died I sat outside looking up at the sky hoping at least he was celebrating in Heaven. Thank you! I don't know if you have ever seen my comments on other threads but I think your son is gorgeous.