Should I stay or should I go?

danieleandwayne

Tomorrow, we have a 4th birthday party for MH's cousin's daughter. His other cousins with their kids will be there, along with lots of other people and their kids.

I have said that I'm definitely going, but now I'm wondering if that's the best idea. What if I get all hormonal and just suddenly burst into tears? It's happening less and less but even yesterday, MH and I were in the car and we had to wait for a family with 4 kids to cross the street on their bikes and before I knew it, "Are you f-ing kidding me? You need 4 kids, People? F-ing overachievers." had come out of my mouth-- with the windows open, full volume.

Yesterday, I was not yet safe for the public, to be sure. Intellectually, though, I feel like I'm actually okay today and have been having fewer emotional issues... But I've not seen any kids yet, either.

What would you do? Our 15 year old niece will be there-- and we're trying really hard to impress on her the importance of going to family functions (MH's mom is not great at that and she's the primary caregiver of our niece). It would look really lame if I didn't back up my words with action. It'll be at the beach, so I could always use my pale skin as an excuse to duck out early if I need to...

winidpu

I would probably not go if you feel you are not ready. I don't see the issue of bowing out given the circumstances. We all can't be 100% at any given time and I'm sure that would be understood. If you really feel you must go to set an example then maybe just go for a brief while. Then all will be happy. Good luck and again I am so very sorry for what you have gone through. I could not even imagine the highes of being pregnant and then days later losing that. Hang in there.

MommyRie123

What winidpu said.

If you don't think you can handle it, then don't go, but if you are not sure, then give it a shot, especially if you are trying to show your niece the importance of family events. As you mentioned, you can always use your pale skin as an excuse to leave early if you change your mind. 

You could certainly use the distraction, and who knows? You might have fun. It could happen, I swear.

Big Hug, whatever you decide to do!

robbensm

I think you have earned the right to take a pass on this one (sooo sorry for your loss - wanted to say so earlier but I was out of town the past two days & my phone only lets me read, not respond).  But as a proud aunt of 3 girls I can also understand how important it is to set the good example. 

If you do decide to give it a try feel free to use my old trick...when I'm having an emotional day but don't want to talk about it, I always use the "I've had a headache on and off all day" excuse.  So if I start to get weepy then it looks like I'm rubbing my eyes because my head hurts, not trying to force back tears.  Also helps explain cranky comments that could slip out of my mouth unexpectedly. 

 

Tigger & pooh

So I say go.  I know it won't be easy but it is your family.  They love you and if you breakdown so be it.  

ShellBear+

It sounds like you really are ok with going. You could at least go for awhile and just leave early if you need to.   Its really up to how you feel and if you feel like it will be too much for you right now then don't feel bad about cancelling.  There will be plenty more functions I'm sure that you will attend.  You have a good reason for not wanting to be around all the kids.  I tend to back out of this stuff alot lately because its really hard.  The times I go though I am ok and its usually the anticipation that is worse.   

BeckyP005

Hmmm that's a hard one. At this stage I am in I would go. For me...it's exhausting to be bitter and angry all the time. Now last year I wouldn't of attempted to go because I that was having a hard time with all this baby stuff. 

Guess I am no help what's so ever. Then again I was never PG then had a loss few wks later. That might of changed my answer. GL on what you decide You are strong!!

randi0606

Honestly ... I would probably not go ... give yourself time to heal ... you will know when you are ready for situations like that but it doesnt seem as if now is the time .. but keep your head up girlie!

emikat

I think you should try and go.  Like you said you can bow out if you feel like it's too much.  When I had my loss, we were supposed to have my stepson that night.  Luckily, his mom was able to take him that night, but we had him the next night and weekend after.  I thought I would be withdrawn and terribly sad and not want to deal with him.  But, I was surprisingly ok with him.  I still have moments where I breakdown for random things that set me off.  But, it has been less and less as time goes by.  Being around your family might be a good thing.  Even if you just show up for a little while. 

danieleandwayne

Yeah, I think I'm going to go. When my niece's mother died a few years ago, I made a point of explaining to her that she really needed to try and go to school on her mom's birthday (10 months later) and if she couldn't hack it, she could come home, but that she should try because it's about being able to balance needs of Life and need to grieve.

I think, though, that I'm not going to join her and MH at the Art Walk tonight in town-- there will be TONS of families there and I just don't want to be around a ton of strangers right now, and there is no reason I need to be there (they have them every month during the summers).

Thanks, Ladies. We'll see how it goes tomorrow...

BeckyP005

Good luck

meredith57

First of all I loved your story of the family crossing the road.  I understand how you feel, but I say go.  I'd hate for you to miss out on family time and you may find that you actually may enjoy the distraction.  You can always leave early ( I feel sick, pale skiin/sun etc. 

owlprof

D&W, I hope you enjoy the day -- whatever you decide!

Mayzie15

Hope you have a good day today!!

avaross09

Do what you feel like you have not taken anyone?s responsibility, your niece will understand things on her own you don?t need to spoon fed her.