I'm mostly a lurker, but have posted here and there over the last 2 years on other boards. I have a few questions and I didn't know where else to go, so I hope it's okay I join you all.
First, I'm so, so sorry to read everyone?s story and to see that there are so many of you in this group. Losing a child and any point in a pregnancy (and after) is such a devastating thing that no one should ever have to go through.
After two years of trying to conceive, and one miscarriage at 9 weeks, we were finally pregnant ? with triplets! Not what we tried or hoped for, but we were happy and did so much to prepare for 3 babies. I had a preventive cerclage at 14 weeks and hadn?t had any problems other than OHSS in the very beginning. Unfortunately, my cervix shortened anyway, and I was in the hospital for 3 days on full bed rest before Baby A?s membranes ruptured. I had no choice to deliver, at 22 weeks 6 days, just 1 week shy of viability. It was heartbreaking having to deliver all 3, knowing they most likely didn?t have a chance. We thought Baby A would, because he was measuring a whole week ahead of the other 2. They transferred me to a larger hospital for his delivery, but he was stillborn. The other 2 came out moving, and died in the arms of my husband and I.
It?s been almost 3 weeks and today I left the house for the first time (other than an ER visit and a DR appointment). It was pure torture. To do regular things and see everyone else so happy hurt so much. My children just died, how am I supposed to go grocery shopping? How do I leave them (their ashes) at home all by themselves? And seeing everyone else ? I just wanted to shout at everyone. It?s like they were all wrong for being happy. And I know that?s not true, but I couldn?t help but feel that way.
I know everyone is different, but how long did it take for you to be able to go about daily life again?
How do you handle seeing your friends and family? Do you put a fake smile on, or is it ok to bring out the pictures and talk about your baby and cry?Sorry this is so long. Sometimes I feel like I?m just in a bad dream and this really isn?t happening to me. But today, going out, made me realize how I?m just not ready to face anyone yet. For my husbands sake, I hope I am soon. ~M