Late Term and Child Loss

Am I right to be offended?

One of my friends messaged me on FB today, asking if I would pray for her friend. Her friend went through something similar like I did with Ethan and she's currently pregnant again with her rainbow. She told me she chose me specifically because she felt I would better understand than most of her other friends.

I can't help but to feel that I'm the 'go-to' person now. You went into pre-term labor? Talk to foxxy! You lost your baby? Talk to foxxy! You need encouragement? Talk to foxxy! I liked it when I was just regular-old foxxy. I feel myself becoming more of a recluse nowadays.

Anyway, am I overreacting?

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Re: Am I right to be offended?

  • I don't think you are at all.  I know most days I feel like I'm "that girl" and that it's all anyone wants to talk about it.  It's not that I don't want to talk about it but I don't always want to talk about it.  I'm definitely a recluse.

     

    In memory of Corbin Scott 10/28/11-12/3/11. Heaven got another angel the night you left this world behind Heaven got a little better the day it took you away from me Missing you tonight, see you again sometime For now I'll close my eyes and dream of heaven tonight I'll love you forever I'll like you for always Now and Forever My baby you'll be

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

     

     

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  • I think it's completely up to you if you want to be contacted with things like that or not.  Personally, if I can help another loss mom I would be happy to...but then again my loss is further out and I'm pregnant again, both of which obviously have a big impact on things like that.  Ultimately, it doesn't matter though what I would do or anyone else, if you aren't comfortable being in that position, you don't have to be.  Going through something like this does not obligate you to do anything... if it bothers you I would let your friend know that just because you've been through it does not make you her go-to for all things related to loss and pregnancy.  I'm sorry she made you feel like you're in a weird spot here.  Just do what's best for you.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

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    Married the love of my life 7/11/09 - Our first baby, Peyton Mark, was born sleeping 10/25/11 at 33 weeks - Our second baby, BFP 2/4/12, welcome to the world Raylan! Holy Moly, BPF 2/4/14, please be safe and sound little one!

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  • foxxy1foxxy1 member

    Thanks, ladies! I really appreciate your feedback. After calming down for a bit (I was upset), I feel better.

    I think what bothered the most about her request is that she singled me out. She could've just posted a message to everyone asking if they could provide prayers; that wouldn't have bothered me. I'm not saying I won't pray and support her friend because I will. I just didn't think her approach was hmm....smart? Also, waking up to a monstrous temp dip really didn't make me feel any better seeing her message.

    Oh to be normal again.

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  • foxxy1foxxy1 member
    imagemdharrison:
    imagejalara48:
    imagefoxxy1:

    I think what bothered the most about her request is that she singled me out. She could've just posted a message to everyone asking if they could provide prayers; that wouldn't have bothered me. I'm not saying I won't pray and support her friend because I will. I just didn't think her approach was hmm....smart? Also, waking up to a monstrous temp dip really didn't make me feel any better seeing her message.

    Oh to be normal again.

    So she's open to everyone about her loss?

    I think that the friend requesting prayers is a common third party between Foxxy and the lady who is experiencing a new loss.  Could be wrong though. 

    That's correct. She specifically said in her message to me that she wanted to ask other people for prayer but felt 'they wouldn't understand as well as I did,' hence why she specifically singled me out.

    That's the part that bothered me. I pray for a lot of people all time and know nothing remotely about their situations, nor could I relate to them.

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  • I'm sorry Foxxy - I feel singled out like that sometimes too.  I feel like I'll be forever known as the woman whose baby died.  Yes, that's sadly true, but there is so much more to me than that.  I'm sorry you're feeling upset.
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
  • A friend came to see me the other day, she has gone through several losses, so she knows what emotions I'm going through now.  She told me one of the best things to do is to connect with other parents who have gone through this, because only they will truly understand.  She said to let them help me, and one day I will be that person helping someone else get through their loss.  I found this upsetting, because I don't want to accept this new life.  But she is right, once you go through this kind of thing, you understand, and your heart is much bigger now.  Like it or not, we all now have this common bond.  

    I know it's still so new to you, and if your not ready to be that "go-to" person, don't be.  Say you can't help, your not ready.  Only do things that are good for you right now.  

    xo 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    BFP #1 Jan. 2011 - mmc Mar. 2011 
    BFP #2 Aug. 2011 - My sleeping angel Stella, born April 21, 2012 
    BFP #3 Nov. 2012 - mmc Dec. 2012
    BFP #4 April 2013 - mc May 2013
    BFP #5 Sept. 2013 - EDD 5.24.14
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