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Natural Birth
Terrified of Tearing...again
Hi everyone!
I'm new to this board, and this site (love it) and out of all the pregnancy/baby sites I've frequented, this is the only place I feel comfortable posting!
I have a 2 year old son, that I gave birth to in a hospital. I had a pretty flawless labor, that averaged at approx 8 hours in length. I had an epidural at 9 cms. When I was pushing and my son was about to be born, I tore. I think there are 3 different factors that contributed to the tearing: 1. my son was just over 9 pounds 2. I couldn't feel a thing, so when the doctor said "push", I pushed with all my might 3. my son "wiggled like a fish" out and "delivered himself". I had 3rd degree tearing, a ton of internal stitches and overall, a horrible recovery.
Before deciding to have more children, (I got baby fever again, after swearing that I'd never have another one!) I researched all I could about having another vaginal birth after tearing. My husband and I discussed it at length, and after all the reading I did we decided that we would, upon getting pregnant, go to a midwife and aim for a waterbirth at home. Everything I read about other people's experiences was that the water helps during delivery to avoid tearing, and while I know it's still possible, I know my chances aren't as bad as if I were to have a hospital birth with an epidural.
I'm currently 25 weeks pregnant (with baby boy #2!) and while I know my biggest concern should be just having a healthy baby boy with no complications, I am TERRIFIED even more so of tearing again. I have horrible nightmares about it. I've talked to my midwife about it, and she's so reassuring. I think I just need some extra re-assurance. I've also been trying to be flexible thinking of my "birth plan", in that if I'm told I need to transfer to a hospital, I'm prepared to do so for the safety of myself and the baby... but then my mind screams at me "that would increase your chances of tearing even more!"
I consider myself to have a really high pain tolerance, the contractions and length of labor does not scare me, I know it is necessary to get this baby into the world. But I honestly think I would cry uncontrollably if I deliver this baby and then after my midwife says "you tore again". Just thinking about it makes me cry!
I'm sorry I'm coming off as such a baby, I'm just hoping there is someone on here that can relate and maybe offer some advice on how to change the way I think or offer some reassurance. I'd really appreciate it! (and so would my poor husband, who pats my back regularly while I go on "I'm going to tear again!" tangents!)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Terrified of Tearing...again
My story with my first was the exact same as yours. Epi at 9 CM, 9.7 pound baby boy and 3rd degree tear.
Just to give you some hope- my second baby was smaller (8.14 and both were inductions 2 weeks late). My second labor was shorter, I pushed less time and did it pain med free. I did tear but it was much less severe and I felt awesome 24 hours afterwards. Hope you have a similar experience!
I also think an epidural was the reason I tore (although not as severe, 2nd degree). I also had no idea what i was doing and just pushed when told to do so and with all my might.
With my second I was a bit more informed and knew to ease the head out to help avoid tearing and since I didn't have an epidural I was able to do that easily. I managed only a tiny tear that really didn't even need a stitch but I opted for one just to play it safe.
So, I wholeheartedly think you will fair much better the second time around so don't let the fear get the best of you. Also, be sure to let your provider know that you have this fear so they can help during the process!! (ETA: Oops, sorry. Saw that you already told your MW about it)
With my first I had a 3rd degree tear- DD was 9 lbs 15 oz.
With my second I didn't tear at all and she was 10 lbs 10 oz. I didn't do anything different and in fact my second birth was pretty fast and furious. I was pushing involuntarily (and screaming about tearing LOL) and was sure I had torn worse...but nope, there was no tear.
Our bodies really are amazing.
Thanks everyone for the responses!
I've talked with my midwife about it pretty much every appointment. It's just been an even bigger anxiety in the last week or so and my next appointment is July 10th. We've discussed massages and ways to make sure the baby eases out slowly etc.
Last time I just hated the recovery. I wanted to breastfeed, but sitting up was agony and I would sit and cry while nursing. The lying down position didn't work for us at all, so I felt like there was no relief. I just so want to avoid all that this time around, and it helps to know that there are women out there who tore the first time around but had a much easier time the second time around!
I don't have much advice but I'm in the exact same boat as you, so you're not alone. I too had a 3rd degree with my 1st after an epi and this time around I'm doing everything possible to reduce my risk of tearing again. We're also seeing a MW this time and having a water birth at home, we will do the massages etc etc.
I hope for both of us that its better the 2nd time around. MW's take so much extra care and I know that mine (and yours too im sure) will pay extra close attention to that area during labor since we've expressed how important it is to NOT tear this time. Many ladies I talk to say that they either didn't tear at all with their 2nd+ babies or only tore a little (1st degree). Good luck to you!