Having a hard week

SweetDahlia

I remember why I don't like to hang around friends with kids. Yesterday I met up with some friends and they had their kids. It was a good day, but It was really hard. My one friend's son is just 3 weeks older than our first loss would have been. It was hard to see my DH play with him and hold him. This kid was just loving DH.

I also made plans to go see my new neice this weekend. I don't know how I will get through the visit. I got a gift and plan to take some food. Maybe we won't stay long. I haven't seen them yet. The baby was born the same week as our 2nd loss and also if IVF 2 would have worked we would have been due the freaking same day. They got pregnant the first month.

I just don't understand why we all have to be here. We hit 5 years next month and I am so tired and sad. Why can't I just get pregnant. Why did my babies have to die. Why does no one in my life understand that I am sad.

We meet with our new RE in a few weeks, but I am not sure DH wants to really cycle again. Not sure we can afford it anyway. But we said we would meet with the new RE to see what he thought. I hate IF. I keep thinking we will get a surprise BFP, but I have like 90 day cycles and we have such a poor fert rate and MFI that I don't ever see that really happening. Not sure why I get my hopes up every 3 months.

No point to this post. I am trying to come around more to keep up with everyone. Breaks sucks. Being broke sucks. IF sucks. M/C suck. :<

Mrs.McIrish

Your line above "Why does no one in my life understand that I am sad"  just breaks my heart. It really is so true for all of us and people just expect you to get over it. Not so easy...  Hugs.

reb259

I tear up when i read this because i understand your sadness and can feel your heartache. I am not sure why it has to be so difficult. My sil tried to tell me Saturday she understands the disappointment, when she was trying and didn't think it worked she was devastated... It actually did work and yes she got kuped her first month trying. I was so irritated, i thought i was going to fly across the table and throat punch her. I couldn't help to to ask if was really comparing that to our struggles. The silence after was a little akward. Anyway i pretty much hate everyone and continue to get more and more bitter. I am sorry i started this off with all the intentions to be supportive but somehow merged on to angry ave. Big hugs!!!

PrettyAccountant

I am sorry you are having such a hard week and I totally understand where you are coming from. My best friend from childhood announced her pregnancy when I announced mine with the triplets. Needless to say - she is still pregnant and I lost my babies 3 months ago. Every day she has to talk about her pregnancy and how she can't wait for it to be over and she really didn't want this kid and blah blah blah. I finally said to her - I would have gladly traded your pregnancy for my pregnancy loss. It shut her up and quite honestly - we may never speak again and I will be perfectly fine with that. I understand your sadness as well as many women on this board - we understand your pain and wish you weren't going through it. I really wish there was something that could be done to take away your pain.

Hugs

Rachel

Edwina.McDunnough

I don't understand why it is like this either. Take care and know we're all in this boat with you. Big big hugs!

theworms

i'm sorry cutie

it just sucks my friend

i wish it was easier and i'm sorry no one IRL gets your pain, you always have us

((HUGS))

SweetDahlia

reb259:

I tear up when i read this because i understand your sadness and can feel your heartache. I am not sure why it has to be so difficult. My sil tried to tell me Saturday she understands the disappointment, when she was trying and didn't think it worked she was devastated... It actually did work and yes she got kuped her first month trying. I was so irritated, i thought i was going to fly across the table and throat punch her. I couldn't help to to ask if was really comparing that to our struggles. The silence after was a little akward. Anyway i pretty much hate everyone and continue to get more and more bitter. I am sorry i started this off with all the intentions to be supportive but somehow merged on to angry ave. Big hugs!!!

Hugs to you. I am pretty sure as bitter and angry as I am at everything I would have punched her. I can't even talk to my sister who still goes on and on about her 4 month struggle and how she had to take clomid. Thanks for being there for me. I do think we are lucky to have each other in this hell.

krod2010

So sorry sweetdahlia. It is hard and even though everyone here has suffered tremendous heartache, it still feels like a lone journey since everyones journey is different and heartbreaking. You have a lot of courage to keep going. It makes me sad that you feel broke. I was telling someone today that this has been an 8 year journey for me - 6 OE IVF's, 3 DE cycles which one ended in m/c, 2nd cp and 3rd nothing. IF does suck. I wish I had words of wisdom for you to make you feel better but I know words are meaningless with IF. I hope you will see the light at the end of the tunnel and be given your dreams sooner than later. I hope the rest of your week gets better.

SweetDahlia

PrettyAccountant:

I am sorry you are having such a hard week and I totally understand where you are coming from. My best friend from childhood announced her pregnancy when I announced mine with the triplets. Needless to say - she is still pregnant and I lost my babies 3 months ago. Every day she has to talk about her pregnancy and how she can't wait for it to be over and she really didn't want this kid and blah blah blah. I finally said to her - I would have gladly traded your pregnancy for my pregnancy loss. It shut her up and quite honestly - we may never speak again and I will be perfectly fine with that. I understand your sadness as well as many women on this board - we understand your pain and wish you weren't going through it. I really wish there was something that could be done to take away your pain.

Hugs

Rachel

 Hugs to you. I am sorry about your friend. I can't believe she had the nerve to complain to you. People just really don't get it.

illinigal

Hugs.   I haven't been on the bump in a few days and just noticed your post.  Believe me, we all understand how you feel.  If you want to talk or hang out, I'm always available... Just email or call.  I promise not to bring kids with me.  . Let's do lunch in a couple weeks.

MBfromBMC

(((huge hugs)))

jlcrane78

You know, I am totally able to be around babies and small children when I have something to feel hopeful about.  My friend is pregnant right now and due in November.  I was feeling great about things while I was pregnant too.  Now that I'm in danger of losing this pregnancy, I wonder how I will continue to hang out with her.  I know I shouldn't alienate all my pregnant friends, but it's so hard when they remind me of what I don't have.

While I don't think I'll ever give up trying naturally, we're out of the game as far as medical intervention.  I don't even know how we're going to pay for the remaining bills on this last cycle.  I was charging my acu treatments, and we'll have all the ultrasound and lab work bills to pay once this is all said and done.  I think I'm going to need to come up with another $2000 that we don't have.  

So I agree.  Breaks suck, especially now that mine is pretty much permanent.  Being broke sucks.  IF sucks.  And losing our sweet babies sucks.