Biting at daycare

jennre

DD1 Has been bitten 3 times in the last month at daycare.  It's by the same kid too.  Does anyone know any laws or regulations concerning biting?  The handbook is pretty vague.  I'm frustrated with the whole situation.  Another kid was bitten by the same kid yesterday.  I plan on talking with the director today.  I expect her to get bitten but to get bitten by the same kid repeatedly is pissing me off.  Anyways,  just wanted y'alls thoughts.  TIA.

Netty_3

Unfortunately biting is a way of exploration, and a part of normal development.  I hope you don't plan on suing a toddler over something natural...albeit disturbing.  I'm sure the other child doesn't realize the pain he/she causes.  I would ask the DC to be sure to keep a close eye when the other child is near LO, since it seems she is a target.  Ask what you can do, and what might be done on the other end as well. I'm sure there are biters in every classroom across the country at some point. I really hope my DS never has to deal with being the victim...or the culprit of a biting issue, I can understand why it bothers you.

jennre

There is a little boy in her class that has been bitten 7 times by the same kid that bit my DD.  That makes 10 times in a month.  I understand that it's to be expected.  I just can't help but wonder at what point is the line drawn.  From what I was told they have a had a problem with this kid biting for a while. I have no plans to try and sue the daycare.  If anything I'll pull her out and put her somewhere else. That's only as a last result though.

jennre

The mom of the little boy who has been bitten 7 times is pulling him out next month.

jlaOK

I would talk to the teacher first to see how she handles watching out for the biting. If you think she could handle it better then I would talk to director about putting another method in place. If the teacher watches out for it and the child is disciplined in an appropriate manner, at a certain point you just have to accept that they are doing the best they can.

groovygrl

There are no 'laws' about biting but each center would have their own policies about how they address it in the classroom, how they assess the causes of the biting, what is leading up to it, etc. and how they report it to parents and if they have policies about excluding kids after a certain # of instances. Both places I have been at do not have such policies until after the age of 3.

Do you know who it is b/c the kids are telling you? I think it is pretty unprofessional of you to discuss that w/ the other parents in the class personally & I sure hope the DC is not providing the child's name to you. 

skyejo

Laws for normal toddler behavior? No.

 The teachers are used to this and deal with it accordingly.  In DD's class this includes shadowing the child who is biting, keeping them separated from the child they are biting repeatedly, explaining biting is not nice, and redirecting them.  That's really the best they can do. 

It's frustrating but it's a normal part of having a bunch of kids together all day.  Some kids bite, some hit, but whatever it is it's just a phase that they go through. 

sugarland726

skyejo:

The teachers are used to this and deal with it accordingly.  In DD's class this includes shadowing the child who is biting, keeping them separated from the child they are biting repeatedly, explaining biting is not nice, and redirecting them.  That's really the best they can do. 

It's frustrating but it's a normal part of having a bunch of kids together all day.  Some kids bite, some hit, but whatever it is it's just a phase that they go through. 

We have a chronic biter in our classroom. After several bites we (the victim's parents) asked that the incident reports be pulled to search for patterns. It was discovered that there was a pattern and that is helping create an action plan that might actually work instead of the generic one that wasn't working.

I agree that biting is a completely normal part of development for children, but when it's one biter and one victim, then that isn't ok.

alyss0nl

If biting becomes consistent, like every day multiple times, a daycare can ask you to not bring back your child. This happened to my cousin, lol.

I would express your concern to the daycare director, but overall biting is usually harmless.

jennre

Thanks everyone.  The other mom is a friend of mine.  I'm not sure of the severity of his bites, but DD's skin was never broken.  I'm just new at this whole daycare thing.  Up unitl last month she satyed with her grandfather so I'm just not sure how this whole system works.  I was more or less curious about what it would take for the kid to be expelled.  I fully expected for her to be involved in incedents.  I guess I'm just surprised at how many times this kid has bitten.  Thanks again for all the information.   

stdldb29

I don't think 3 times in one month is a lot...at all. It happens. 

mben1119

jennre:

Thanks everyone.  The other mom is a friend of mine.  I'm not sure of the severity of his bites, but DD's skin was never broken.  I'm just new at this whole daycare thing.  Up unitl last month she satyed with her grandfather so I'm just not sure how this whole system works.  I was more or less curious about what it would take for the kid to be expelled.  I fully expected for her to be involved in incedents.  I guess I'm just surprised at how many times this kid has bitten.  Thanks again for all the information.   

You want your friend's child to get expelled?

jennre

mabenner1:

jennre:

Thanks everyone.  The other mom is a friend of mine.  I'm not sure of the severity of his bites, but DD's skin was never broken.  I'm just new at this whole daycare thing.  Up unitl last month she satyed with her grandfather so I'm just not sure how this whole system works.  I was more or less curious about what it would take for the kid to be expelled.  I fully expected for her to be involved in incedents.  I guess I'm just surprised at how many times this kid has bitten.  Thanks again for all the information.   

You want your friend's child to get expelled?

Am I not allowed to talk a friend who happens to have a kid that goes to the same daycare? 

LoCarb

jennre:

There is a little boy in her class that has been bitten 7 times by the same kid that bit my DD.  That makes 10 times in a month.  I understand that it's to be expected.  I just can't help but wonder at what point is the line drawn.  From what I was told they have a had a problem with this kid biting for a while. I have no plans to try and sue the daycare.  If anything I'll pull her out and put her somewhere else. That's only as a last result though.

Biting is really common. What happens if you put her somewhere else and there is a biter?

mindy0711

My DD was bit a number of times by a boy her age at daycare.  She goes to a home daycare and each time they daycare provider texted me letting me know that she was bit.  I really didn't make a big deal out of it, kids bite and it is just part of having your kid in daycare.  I knew that DC provider was correcting him as well as his parents, but kids will be kids.  DD actually bit this little boy back one day (on the face none less) and I actually felt worse that she was the biter then I was when she was being bit.

 Put yourself in the other parents shoes.  Would you want your child being expelled for dong something that most kids do?  Eventually the child will grow out of biting and you won't have to worry about it anymore.

Tina272

Our DD had a biting problem for a couple of weeks.   One teacher had to shadow her and step in at the first sign of it occurring.  It took a while but she stopped completely.  Now she is the one who gets bit.

 Sounds like the daycare needs to monitor the situation closer then they are.   If the daycare does not handle the situation appropriately then yes you should switch.  But like others said it is a problem at every daycare.

cedenton

Wow.  Our DC gave us a full two pages about how they deal with biting.  As I remember, three strikes and you're out.  LIke, literally they kick the kid out of DC (at least temporarily).

winminpin08

Weighing in from the other side, my kid is the biter in daycare right now.  But, she has also been bitten several times herself.  Kids bite.  I do feel awful about it but I know the daycare is doing what they can and we at home do what we can to prevent, discipline and re-direct.  The frustrating thing for me is how do you reason with an almost 1 yr old?  She doesn't understand simple instructions and she doesn't understand (yet) that actions have consequences like causing others pain or causing discipline for herself.  I think the 3 strike rules are when the kids are a little older and are capable of "knowing better" so to speak.  I think for the younger kids they really just shadow and work hard to prevent situations where biting may occur (like fighting over toys or rough housing, etc).

jllmb79

My lo has been bitten alot at daycare recently.  The don't have any rule on bitting, but they have expelled 1 kid before for bitting.  

I find it so weird how when I read about bitting on the Bump everyone says it is so normal.  When I talk to friends in real life with kids the same age in daycare their kids never get bit. 

groovygrl

jllmb79:

My lo has been bitten alot at daycare recently.  The don't have any rule on bitting, but they have expelled 1 kid before for bitting.  

I find it so weird how when I read about bitting on the Bump everyone says it is so normal.  When I talk to friends in real life with kids the same age in daycare their kids never get bit. 

That is pretty surprising. Maybe some of them have biters & won't admit it hahaha. 

My Dd went through a big biting phase but only her brother (at home mostly and at DC a few times). She did bite one girl on the finger once at DC but even the teachers said they were not sure it was intentional b/c hte girl took a phone away from DD while she was holding it up to her ear and her hand was right in front of DD's mouth as a result....DS has been bit by my neighbor's child when he wanted a ball DS had and he was also bit at DC twice by the same child who was having a biting problem (and was the daughter of a friend who confided in me that they were struggling with biting and i NEVER told her that I was pretty sure her DD bit my DS twice. I felt no need to rub salt in the wound.).  DS bit his sister a few times in recent months &also one time bit a kid at DC on the slide on the playground.  So we've been bitten and been the biter. I can tell you it is much worse to be the biter & try to stop and do everything they tell you and know (esp at this age) that the kid that DS bit likely told his mom so every time I see his mom I suspect that she is looking at us and thinking that is the kid that bit my kid! Meanwhile they play together great all the time and for all I know, her son has been a biter...but you don't feel that way when your kid is the biter, you just assume all parents are like the OP in this post. (I went back and saw the statement about 'not intending to sue the DC'. WTH is that, seriously, it crossed your mind to SUE a DC b/c your kid has been bit by another toddler?)

So yeah, I don't think that biting is unusual, at all.  The above instances took place at 2 different DC centers in 2 different states.

Netty_3

jllmb79:

My lo has been bitten alot at daycare recently.  The don't have any rule on bitting, but they have expelled 1 kid before for bitting.  

I find it so weird how when I read about bitting on the Bump everyone says it is so normal.  When I talk to friends in real life with kids the same age in daycare their kids never get bit. 

That is weird...didn't their kids explore things with their mouths?  Teeth are new for toddlers, so it's not like they know exploring like normal would hurt someone.  My LO doesn't have teeth yet, but he likes to bite on my fingers and gives kisses all the time, biting might feel good, or allow them to explore more.  I find it strange no one in your "real" world has come across biting at all.

Mrs.RockyM

when DD was 1 or so she was the biter in her class and after a while, they started a log and tried to track what was happening when she bit - was she sad, frustrated, hungry, tired, did she only do it when a specific teacher was in/out of the room,etc.  Turns out she was a happy biter and bit when she was excited as a form of self expression. I was mortified, but we really worked in partnership with the school to remedy the situation.  At that age, they just don't know any better, and they don't understand right and wrong.  By almost 3 (I'm assuming this child is the same age as your LO), they should know what's going on.  And at some point the school does need to take responsiblity.  At the very least, you deserve to know what the school is doing to remedy the situation. I have had friends whose children had biting problems at 3 or 4 and were kicked out of daycares because of it.  At that age, they should know right from wrong. 

ELCJet

Biting in daycare is pretty common and normal.  At some point in time, your child may go from the bitten to the biter.  My son was bitten quite a bit in his younger toddler room and now as a 2-year old, he can get into some trouble if he isn't closely supervised.  He knows biting is wrong and that he loses privileges at home if he bites during the day, but sometimes he is so "in the moment" that he forgets everything and bites.  It's not a behavior I can correct at home because he doesn't bite my husband or myself....so I really rely on daycare to try to reason wth him, redirect him, or prevent issues altogether.

I'd talk to your daycare and make sure that the teachers are actively involved in how the biter is being handled.  They may need more toys in the room of a certain type, a shift in routine, or maybe even juggle the classroom a bit and move some kids up earlier.  They have lots of options available to them to help stop biting from becoming habit.