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lorist202
member
What kind of help for this?
lorist202
member
My H cannot get used to having a child.
He can't get the hang of changing him, no matter how many times I make him do it. He doesn't understand that some television is not child appropriate. How many times do I have to walk in on him watching a violent scene of NCIS or whatever, and DS playing right there on the floor?
Today, he was doing something in the refrigerator, and DS crawled up behind him and was playing with stuff in the door. H stepped back and mowed him over, nearly crushing his head. This has happened before. Is he not aware there is a toddler living here? Every time this happens, I get so upset.
Could he be this big of a moron, or is there some kind of help for this?
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Re: What kind of help for this?
My DH has never almost squashed LO, but he doesn't do diapers. He says he gags too easily, which he actually does so I let him slide on that one. He does watch stuff that I don't think LO should see tho sometimes. He works evenings tho so it's usually only on the weekends that LO sees it. For now I try to take him out of the room if it's something bad, like a Walking Dead episode for example.
Have you tried talking to him about it? Explaining why it bothers you, and asking him to be more cautious, esp with almost stepping on him. That is crazy and I would be seriously upset over that too. Other than that I don't know, you could search for parenting classes if he'd be willing to do that, maybe you could go as a couple so he knows he has your support.
He can't get the "hang" of changing a baby after a year? It's not rocket science. Do you think he plays dumb so you do it for him?
If that's not the case, I would definitely look into some parenting classes for him. Your local hospital should be able to direct you to the right place.
Through our local hospital, I actually found a perfect class. I can even brush up on my CPR, which I've been meaning to do. Thank you for the great suggestion.
Obviously I don't know your husband and can't personally judge his motives, but I'll tell you that my DH pulled this sort of crap for a good two years or more after we had kids, and it was almost always because he either did or didn't want to do something. With TV it was always, "I forgot" or "I didn't think this was that bad," but the reality was that he found something he wanted to watch, and he didn't really care if the boys were in the room or not. We never had an issue with diapers, but there would be random stuff like me getting home from an errand to find them fussy because it was past lunchtime and they hadn't been fed, and he would say "Oh, you didn't tell me to do that." Like you have to be a genius to figure out that kids like to have their lunch prior to 2:00, just like the rest of the world.
Some things he did, I just chalk up to a lack of common sense and general self-absorbtion....not being willfully ignorant, just having a hard time stepping out of his little bubble of absentmindedness enough to be aware of his environment and how it might effect the kids. But mostly, he knew. And I called him on it every. single. time. He's gotten 100% better these days, I think in part it's because now that the kids are both verbal, he's far more aware of what they process and what they need (because they aren't shy about telling him) but also because I never let him get away playing dumb. I seriously had zero patience with that sort of stuff.
I don't think he's a moron, I think he's being lazy and he's letting you be his crutch. I don't mean that personally since this is just based off of the little information in your OP. I know you can't give all the details of what's going on and only you know if he's really being a moron or not!
I don't know if there's a class that tells a parent that watching TV is bad that would convince him if you telling him and common sense isn't working. For everything else you mentioned, I would tell him how it should be done and then let him be in charge of it for a while. So, for diapers get him and show him how to change the diaper and have him do it until he can. Then make him responsible for knowing if it's time to change the diaper and if he doesn't know, then he can deal with the overfilled diaper.
If your H is about to do something that is about to hurt your son (but your son isn't in danger or it's not going to be too bad), let your H do it. If you're stopping him, he's never going to pay attention. But, he will start to pay attention to a screaming kid. Say, in the refrigerator incident, he knocked your son over. Son cries. You H now has to be the one to console your son, not you. This means that whatever your H was going to do is going to be sidetracked because he has to take care of your son. Eventually he should learn that the 2 seconds it takes to "secure the area" is better than being oblivious.