Concerned about a scam.

twh2006

I know this girl who's giving her baby up. I've been worried about her doing this because she's a leech pretty much.  So she's telling me today that the lawyer has told her she has to bring the baby home from the hospital and keep it for a week before she signs the papers (we're in Louisiana) or send it to a foster home. Also she's going to bring him home because she just doesn't trust anyone else with him. Blah blah...

She also in the same conversation said she asked the adoptive mom for money (again).

I'm terrified for this poor couple. I've had friends who've adopted here and left the hospital with their baby.  So is it different from agency/lawyer to the next? Or is she full of crap and if so is there anyway to warn these people?

bumpuser794640

According to this website, birthmothers cannot sign relinquishment papers in LA until 5 days after the birth.  As for whether the baby goes to a foster home or not, a lot of that has to do with the individual agency, the birthparents, and the adoptive parents. My guess is since your friend is the birthmom, it's totally up to her where the baby goes until she signs the papers.

silliestbunny

We were matched with a birth mom in Baton Rouge, and we were not going to be able to leave with the baby because of LA laws.  This was through an attorney,  My guess is your second friend who took custody of the baby at the hospital worked w/an agency and this friend who has made an adoption plan (in the adoption world, we do not use the phrase "giving up") is working with an attorney.

The attorney can and should offer what is called "cradle care" for her.  This is temporary fostering from a third party that would care for the baby once she is released from the hospital.  IMO is  a great option.  Both Prospective APs and BM can visit the child while in cradle care.  However, it is within your friend's right to care for the baby up until the placement... assuming she does place.

 As for the money, try not to judge.  It's hard but it's also part of the adoption world.  Birth moms expenses are often reimbursed and I think even well intentioned birth moms can see the opportunity to get more financially secure through the process.  It's hard... I have issues with it.. but it is what it is and your friend knows this is possible.

Lastly, there's not much you can do but support her.  If she chooses not to place the child, please still support her.  Adoption is difficult for everyone and if she feels that it's best to parent the child, help her in whatever way you can... because at the end of the day, there's a precious baby that needs a good home.  And if it's your friend's home, help her be the best parent she can be... without judgement (I know... it would be super hard for me to do.... but focus on the baby).

PS-  If she ever says she has no plans of placing, do encourage her to tell the lawyer.  As an AP with three failed matches, the pain is real.  It's not about money spent or anything.... it's about the loss of a dream.  I fully respect a woman's choice throughout the process... but not sharing intentions is something else.

ellekae

Silliest, you always have such great things to say, and you say them in such an honest and tactful way. Thanks so much for being part of this community!

silliestbunny

ellekae:

Silliest, you always have such great things to say, and you say them in such an honest and tactful way. Thanks so much for being part of this community!

{blushing}  Thanks!

Rachel Sonnier

We live in LA also, and chose to adopt with an out of state agency, because LA adoption laws are so difficult. For some reason they aren't very adoption friendly, and honestly I don't see how most of the rules benefit the child, birth parents or adoptive parents, so I am not sure why the process is so hard to navigate here. 

Of the four adoptive families in our area that we know, two have adopted through the same out of state agency we are using, and the other two suggested that we do so, instead of attempting to do an in state independent adoption, or going with an instate agency. I don't know if this helps much, but maybe it can shed some light on why some of this seems pretty strange.

*However, one of the couples that we know did do an independent instate adoption with a lawyer, and they were able to take their son home from the hospital. That being said, they did run into some legal trouble MONTHS later, when the birth father's TPR (which he had signed) was improperly filed with the courts by their lawyer, and through a loop hole he attempted to regain custody. I am not usually in favor of trying to keep a child from a birth parent who wishes to parent, but I know it was a very devastating situation for everyone involved, and my friend and her DH were left in debt from all of the court proceedings.

twh2006

Y'all have been awesome thanks!  I'm just worried for this poor couple.  She's saying stuff like "I need a car, and the adoptive people just want to keep you happy in case you change your mind so I'll tell them I need a car". That's so EVIL to me.  She had a friend do this to a couple. She did indeed get the car.  I seriously have doubts she is going to give this baby away and wish I could just warn who ever.

Rachel Sonnier

Hopefully the couple is doing their homework, and has a good counselor/lawyer advising them. I am sure the couple is not as unaware as you may suspect. I think most people have heard "scary adoption stories," because people love to tell them. Potential adoptive parents who have done their homework, and choose to enter into an independent adoption situation, I would suspect, usually have their wits about them...hopefully.

I also believe that there are laws that govern what types of things potential adoptive parents can pay for, or give to expectant parents, to protect both parties.

Here is what I found:

"Except for expenses permitted by law, the payment or receipt of anything of value for the procurement, attempted procurement, or assistance in the procurement of a party to an act of voluntary surrender of a child for adoption is strictly prohibited in the state of Louisiana."

https://louisiana.adoption.americanadoptions.com/adoption/adoption_expenses

So it seems to me, that if this couple is giving her a car, gifts of value, or exorbitant things at her request, it is illegal and they should not be engaging in that type of behavior. I am sure that their lawyer would tell them as much. If they are so caught up that they choose not to follow the law...I'm not sure that you warning them would do any good.

But I agree that it is a very sad and immoral situation, if she is indeed leading them on, with no intention of placing :-( 

kacelle

twh2006:

Y'all have been awesome thanks!  I'm just worried for this poor couple.  She's saying stuff like "I need a car, and the adoptive people just want to keep you happy in case you change your mind so I'll tell them I need a car". That's so EVIL to me.  She had a friend do this to a couple. She did indeed get the car.  I seriously have doubts she is going to give this baby away and wish I could just warn who ever.

That sounds awful, and I would worry for the couple.  But waiting a few days before placing the baby with an adoptive family isn't uncommon.  An agency my workplace deals with won't even notify adoptive families about the birth of the child until 5 days after the birth, because birth parents' rights cannot be terminated until then.  They have foster families that love on the babies for 5 days before the agency calls the new family.