having FOB in hospital

nikkivonnekro

So looks like FOB and I are splitting for good. We have 1 DD and another on the way. We had two babies in two years and unfortunetly we did it all wrong (we've only been together two and a half years.) but he cant handle me being pregnant and honestly he has only known me not pregnant maybe 8 monthes since we have been together. We just bought a house together and now im living at my moms till my newest is born. Ive gone through a million emotions of hatred then wanting to beg him to make things better and back and forth. Anyways I told him I didnt want him to be in the hospital when second DD is born and ive remained very stern in that want but everyone seems to think he should be there even though thats more added stress and pain on me. Is it wrong for me to not want him there?

rockabetty1

I don't think it's wrong. I don't want FOB at any of my appointments and I don't want him there when baby is born either. I'd rather he just stay out of our lives, even though he offered to "babysit."

nikkivonnekro

That is what I keep telling everyone but even my mom seems to think that I may change my mind or that its not fair to him that just because we didnt work out that he cant witness the birth of his child... He's the one that left us though so I feel like why should I care about his feelings at this point. He doesnt even call to check on me or even text me when I was in the hospital.

PrincessFiona9

Just do what makes you comfortable. He can come see her afterward.

Eveamlizya

I felt the same way.  Lucky for me, FXH didn't even want to be there.  But here's how I see it...my OB was in complete agreement too.  You are the mom!  You're the one in pain, having the baby, etc etc.  If having him there would cause you any discomfort, distress, anxiety...then for your health and the baby's health...he doesn't need to be.  I have anxiety attacks every once in a while and had one during delivery when they told me it was c-section time...my blood pressure went up...my heart rate went up.  It was only a minor one, but I KNOW it would've been worse if he'd been there.

You need and DESERVE to have a calm and happy and SAFE labor and delivery.  If having him there will get in the way of that...then he doesn't need to be there.  I had decided that if he WANTED to come and see DD that he could do so afterwards, once I was settled in PP room and things had calmed down.

You are the mom...you know what's best for yourself and your baby.  It's your decision.  You do what you think is right.  Don't let anyone else talk you into something that is going to get in the way of having a stress free labor and delivery.  

brokenwings6

I'm dealing with trying to make that decision right now. But, I mostly lean toward not having him in the room. He left me, so I feel as though he gave up that right. He gave up the right to be a full-time father when he walked out the door, so, he can now be a father on my terms. It's sad, yes. It's absolutely not the way I pictured my son's birth. But at the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you and your baby.

FyreFlyeRush

lurchbaby:

If you really don't want him there just wait to call until after LO is born. I didn't let SD come to the hospital until I had some rest. It's you going through birth. It's your choice.

Ditto. I did the same. I allowed him to come earlier than I felt comfortable because he showed up and skulked outside the nursery until I agreed to let him into Morher Baby. Creepy enough for me, more so for the other parents  seeing this guy stare at their kids.

FyreFlyeRush

lurchbaby:

If you really don't want him there just wait to call until after LO is born. I didn't let SD come to the hospital until I had some rest. It's you going through birth. It's your choice.

Ditto. I did the same. I allowed him to come earlier than I felt comfortable because he showed up and skulked outside the nursery until I agreed to let him into Morher Baby. Creepy enough for me, more so for the other parents  seeing this guy stare at their kids.

FyreFlyeRush

lurchbaby:

If you really don't want him there just wait to call until after LO is born. I didn't let SD come to the hospital until I had some rest. It's you going through birth. It's your choice.

Ditto. I did the same. I allowed him to come earlier than I felt comfortable because he showed up and skulked outside the nursery until I agreed to let him into Morher Baby. Creepy enough for me, more so for the other parents  seeing this guy stare at their kids.

FyreFlyeRush

Uhhhhh... Sorry about that!

bexram

Eveamlizya:

I felt the same way.  Lucky for me, FXH didn't even want to be there.  But here's how I see it...my OB was in complete agreement too.  You are the mom!  You're the one in pain, having the baby, etc etc.  If having him there would cause you any discomfort, distress, anxiety...then for your health and the baby's health...he doesn't need to be.  I have anxiety attacks every once in a while and had one during delivery when they told me it was c-section time...my blood pressure went up...my heart rate went up.  It was only a minor one, but I KNOW it would've been worse if he'd been there.

You need and DESERVE to have a calm and happy and SAFE labor and delivery.  If having him there will get in the way of that...then he doesn't need to be there.  I had decided that if he WANTED to come and see DD that he could do so afterwards, once I was settled in PP room and things had calmed down.

You are the mom...you know what's best for yourself and your baby.  It's your decision.  You do what you think is right.  Don't let anyone else talk you into something that is going to get in the way of having a stress free labor and delivery.  

 

THIS THIS THIS! ESPECIALLY the anixiety thing (you  never know what could happen- I also had an axiety attack when they told me it was gonna be a section!!)

nikkivonnekro

Thank you guys for the input. I personally dont want him there until after the baby is born and I have a chance to bond with her. Plus it gives me anxiety attacks whenever he drops off or picks up our first daughter I cant imagine having my heart break after baby is born and he takes off again.

preggersin2011

It is his child too, just remember that. If he wants to be there it doesn't mean he needs to be in the L&D room while you are pushing. 

rockabetty1

brokenwings6:

I'm dealing with trying to make that decision right now. But, I mostly lean toward not having him in the room. He left me, so I feel as though he gave up that right. He gave up the right to be a full-time father when he walked out the door, so, he can now be a father on my terms. It's sad, yes. It's absolutely not the way I pictured my son's birth. But at the end of the day, you have to do what is best for you and your baby.

 

I feel the same way.

nikkivonnekro

preggersin2011:

It is his child too, just remember that. If he wants to be there it doesn't mean he needs to be in the L&D room while you are pushing. 

 

I will make sure he can still come see the baby but after I give birth, I still gotta have him there to sign the birth certificate anyways. I just want the birth to be relaxing and have time to bond with my little one before he comes around.

rsp247

I don't want my ex there either. When I went on my hospital tour I discussed this with the tour person and she said to let them know at the desk and security will escort him out if he shows up.

I wouldn't go to dinner with him and he decided he wants nothing to do with the situation so IMO why should he even get to come see her.

I will have enough going on that I will not want to deal with him or the drama that he has to offer.