I hope nobody minds I post this on here... today is a weird day for me in this pregnancy... it's "v-day." You see these "OMG I'm at V-day posts!!" all over the PGAL board, and I just don't relate... but I can't explain why on there because I hate to burst the bubble of those moms. V-day honestly makes me a little angry, not the day itself, but how everyone makes such a big deal about it. I remember in my last pregnancy how much comfort I got from it... I thought, "ok, even if he had to come now I could still take my baby home." I feel like I was betrayed by v-day... I'm sure you can understand this right? Hopefully I'm not crazy... I understand that it's a good thing, I'm grateful to be at this point in my rainbow pregnancy... but all of the AW posts about it on PGAL just rub me the wrong way.
Then I started thinking how so many milestones that early loss moms get to celebrate mean nothing to me. Getting out of the first trimester, v-day, even 35-35 doesn't apply. My loss was earlier than 35 weeks, so it will be a big deal to me to get to that point... but I will also be absolutely terrified by then. I know that celebrating milestones are not what is important in pregnancy, and I have lots of my own milestones to pass (related to pre-e and to his death)... it's just hard when you find yourself jealous of even an early loss mom for getting to celebrate and take comfort in these days... yet there's no comfort to be found in them for us. Sorry... just a pitty party I guess. I woke from a dream this morning where I was sobbing over my sweet boy, I guess it just started my mood off a bit somber.