MIL vent

michelle_1221

First I'm still in a tough place after learning my very close aunt has terminal cancer, so not great timing to host a birthday celebration for my MIL. My FIL thought it would be easier on us to have it at our house because of the baby. He did say he would pick up chicken to bring, but with it being her 70th birthday, it just seemed too rude for us to not cook. I tried to keep it simple, but still ended up spending a good chunck of the day preparing. I also made sure to have a special gift from DD. So background is set...our daughter's name is Lillian. I understand she will be called Lily but we have specifically told family and close friends that we want to call her Lillian. So MIL calls her Lily and I say we call her Lillian and she says grandma can call you whatever she wants. This is the last straw for me. She has a terrible relationship with her other DIL and now I am done. After she left I had a total meltdown and I know it was also because my aunt, but DH thought it was no big deal and thought I was wrong for correcting her when she called her Lily. She didn't even say a word to me about my aunt, not even as they left. I'm done trying, so don't expect me give up my precious time with DD for you to spend time with her.

tartaruga

You had a meltdown because your MIL called your daughter Lily, which is a perfectly reasonable nickname for Lillian?

kmchavez82

First off I'm sorry to hear about your aunt. Secondly, if I recall correctly you've had issues with your MIL before and DH was not emotionally supportive on those conflicts as well. I have people calling my LO nicknames and I always politely correct them. If they do it when I'm not around their isnt much I can do about it but in my presence I ask they respect my wishes and call her by her full name and as her mother they listen to me. I feel it is the lack of respect your MIL shows for you that is what truly bugged you and DH's lack of response didn't help and only escalated your reaction. No bueno! I'm sorry chica, you're going through a rough time and I know this nickname thing isn't helping but for what it's worth Lillian is a beautiful name! Hang in there, this too, shall pass.

michelle_1221

tartaruga:

You had a meltdown because your MIL called your daughter Lily, which is a perfectly reasonable nickname for Lillian?

I fully expect people to call my daughter Lily; however, I do expect close family to be respectful of my request to not call her Lily.  I am very frustrated that despite me trying to be considerate to my MIL that her reply is that "Grandma will call her what she wants".  It was more about her reply than her actually calling DD Lily.  This is coming from the same women that bragged about giving her other grandchildren rice cereal against their mothers request (at 4 weeks). 

theladyjess

tartaruga:

You had a meltdown because your MIL called your daughter Lily, which is a perfectly reasonable nickname for Lillian?

The issue isn't about the nickname, the issue is that her MIL is being disrespectful of her wishes.  The OP wants her LO to be called by her first name, not a nickname.  MIL is disrespecting the OP by saying that she can call the LO whatever she wants because she's the grandmother.

The meltdown was because the OP is already dealing with a difficult situation with her aunt and didn't need the added stress of her MIL being a passive aggressive ***.

Unless you've had to deal with people disrespecting your wishes when it comes to your LO I doubt you'll understand how frustrating it can be.  It's basically the other person saying that they don't care about you or what you wnat, what they want is more important and the only thing that matters.

kaybe24

I'm sorry about the nickname she calls your daughter but my in laws call my son Rooster.  My husband doesn't care but it drives me crazy!

theladyjess

Hang it there!  My FIL was very sick at the end of my pg and passed away when my LO was 7 weeks old.  Dealing with the stress of a sick and ailing loved one is never easy and I'm so sorry you're having to go through it.

I had a similar situation with my sister.  She kept trying to come up with all sorts of nicknames for Kjersten--Kem (her intials), Ker, Baby K, etc.  I kept telling her over and over again that her name is Kjersten and she can either call her Kjersten or Baby Sissy (how we refer to her to our dogs).  What frustrated me the most with my situation was that my sister was very picky about what she was called as a kid and would even correct people who called her by a nickname she didn't like.  I thought that of all people, she should understand our desire for our child be be called by the name(s) we approved of.

It took awhile, and my sister whining to our mom that I was being unreasonable but she finally quit calling Kjersten by stupid nicknames.  Every now and then she'll slip up and I'll say, "Who?" and she'll get the point.

What does your husband have to say about his mom calling your LO by a nickname?  Does it bother him?

michelle_1221

Just wanted to say thanks for the support. DH tried to be more supportive and i saw he was looking for a job to move (this is what his brother's family did). I saw my aunt yesterday and she is looking much worse than just a week ago. I'm hoping it's due to the morphine and not the cancer. Again thanks, I don't post a ton but sincerely appreciate others can relate (at least most can anyway) .

bobbi5342

My husband calls our son Rooster. Too funny!