Late Term and Child Loss

Bad day

Hi. I never posted before. But I read a lot since my son died two days after he was born. It's been two and a half months. It has really helped to read all the posts and feel like I'm not alone. I'm grateful for this site. My husband wrote me a letter and posted it here and it was so special. Just what I needed, a little bit of light to go through this fog.
So today sucks. I've been feeling better for a couple days and today when I get home ALL my plants are dead. (insert f word here). REALLY?! It got so hot in the sun room and they all died in a couple hours I was not home. I know it might be stupid but seeing those little vegetables and flowers grow was the first thing I was excited about since Liam died. I planted them soon after he was gone. Now I'm angry and sad and feeling like I'm cursed or something! Give me a break!

Oh well, I guess I just needed to vent.

Re: Bad day

  • I had an African violet die in our sunroom too. It had been given to me by my grandfather who has since died. I was/am very upset so it does not silly to me that you would be upset about the plants dying.

    Bad days suck! I am glad that you have found comfort from this board. It has helped me a lot too. I remember reading the letter from your husband. It was very touching.

    Ultimately, I am so sorry for the loss of your son Liam. I cannot imagine what it would have been like for you. I never got to meet my son before he died and I only carried him for 19 weeks. I know that everyday your bond grows stronger. I am sorry. Remind yourself that two and a half months is not a long time. It is okay to have bad days. I still have them and I suspect I will have them for the rest of my life. Eventually the good days outnumber the bad. That's not to say I don't think of my son daily, as I'm sure you do.

    Come here for support whenever you need it! 

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  • I'm pretty sure I remember reading that letter.  I'm glad you decided to say hi.  I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.  I'm sorry you're having a hard day, and I'm sorry about your plants.  I remember how upset I was when one of the plants I got in honor of Eliott died.  Please feel free to come vent/chat more with us.  I find this board to be a tremendous source of support and comfort.  I hope you will also.
    Mom to Eliott Alexander, born sleeping at 37 weeks on 8/13/10. Most of us only dream of angels - I held one in my arms.
    BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
    BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
    Too beautiful for this earth
    BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
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  • Vent all you need, that's what we are here for. And I can totally relate to how you feel. My 3yo's goldfish died and he said "why does everything die?!?! Flippy and Jacob?? Who is going to die next?" And I remember that I hated when all the flowers died that people had given us after Jacob died. I'm sorry.
    ((Hugs)) And vent anytime you need too, we def understand
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Pregnancy Ticker
  • I remember your H's letter. It was very sweet. I'm glad you decided to say hi.

    It's not silly at all that you are upset about your plants. It's crazy the things that an trigger renewed grief. I felt cursed for a long time so much stuff just kept going wrong.

    Please know you are welcome here anytime. 

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • I also remember reading the letter your husband wrote.  I'm pretty sure it made me cry.  When I got out of the hospital after delivering my daughter, I didn't take care of one single plant on our back patio. I couldn't take care of anything.  Needless to say, they all died.  But after a little while, I got tired of all the dead plants and decided it was time to clean them up and plant new ones.  It was a small step forward for me.

    I hope you find some comfort on this board, I hope you have a better day today, and I hope you keep moving forward no matter what!  

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers 

    BFP #1 Jan. 2011 - mmc Mar. 2011 
    BFP #2 Aug. 2011 - My sleeping angel Stella, born April 21, 2012 
    BFP #3 Nov. 2012 - mmc Dec. 2012
    BFP #4 April 2013 - mc May 2013
    BFP #5 Sept. 2013 - EDD 5.24.14
  • I'm so sorry for the loss of your son Liam. I understand how little things that would be annoying before have much more significance now as life just seems to pile it on. I often say the same thing, give me a break!!!

      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
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