Complete break down after TTC for a year.

garvinam

My dh and I have been ttc for a year now. It started out so fun. Then as the months progressed and all these people around us starting getting pregnant we started to lose hope and it started to get more than frustrating.

My husband and I are both 24 and as far as we know we are very health and active. This past month I thought for sure was going to be the month! A couple days after what I thought was my ovulation day I had a dream. I was holding this perfect little baby girl. She was beautiful with perfectly pinchable chubby cheeks. I just remembering looking down on her and knowing she was mine. I thought for sure this was a sign!

 Then two days ago I started my period. My entire world shattered. I cried and cried. but I tried to pick myself up and stay positive. I made an appt for the gyno on Monday.  

 At work today was when I truly lost it. I was a little bored so I decided to look on facebook.  And there I saw it. My cousin announced that she is 3 months pregnant with her 2nd. I completely lost it. I had to go to the restroom and I just stood in the stall crying, sobbing, shaking.  I am finally feeling defeated. I feel like I have lost. I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I am disappointing my husband, my mom (who by the way has been begging for a grandbaby since we got married and now that her niece is pregnant with her 2nd its getting harder.) 

 I keep asking god for a sign a reason as to why this is happening. I know that he has a reason for everything but at the moment I am hurt and angry and I don't understand. I just want and need some hope. 

DebateThis

I can't give you much in the way of hope, but I can say hi and welcome - you're in like company.

Have you scheduled an appointment with an RE? That should be your first step/next step. You and YH need to start doing some fertility testing.

Good luck, and I hope your stay here is short.

Brooke888Wed157297

Agree with PP. Don't bother going to your gyn (unless you need a referral for insurance to an RE first). Go straight to an RE and start testing. Hopefully you will feel better once you start getting some answers and a plan together.

 I hope your stay here is short, but brace yourself for a long road ahead also. Good luck!

Neesey

I fell apart at one year too. It does get better. I felt so much relief when I met with our RE. It felt great to let someone else be in charge. We all still have bad days but I don't cry like I used to. Welcome and I hope your day is short!!

Sony22

We've been there... Welcome to the site.

At this point, I would not blame God or ask him why. Making the gynecologist appointment was a good first step and you waited a year of trying like you should.

I take it you've been using ovulation kits? Are you ovulating every month?

A big piece of advice, DO NOT let your gyn start you on Clomid. Lately, we have been hearing sooooo many stories about this. It's definitely time to head to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). My DH went to a urologist to be evaluated.

I've felt the same and still struggle with the feelings of failure. All my life I've set goals and accomplished them. Now... here's this goal of creating a family... and it just doesn't seem to want to happen...

Blueyed228

We all have bad days, just try to stay positive.

I agree with PP about going right to an RE and get some initial testing done.

cdale86

I'm sorry you have to be here but this is a great community of women dealing with the same issues.  Lots of great wisdom and advice available here.  I definitely lost at the year mark as well.  There are days of complete devastation and then days full of positivity.  I agree with the others that you should just go to an RE.  I went to my ob/gyn at the year mark and for 5 more months.  I feel like we just wasted a bunch of time.  They don't know how to get you pregnant, just how to handle you when you get to that point.  Go to the ob/gyn if you need a referral for an RE. GL and I hope you get some answers/results soon.

Aurora1181

I am so sorry you are dealing with this, but as PP's have said, you're in similar company. After I saw my RE, had my tests, and had a plan, I felt so much better. I felt like I was taking charge of this situation rather than passively waiting and doing nothing (well, not that I'd been doing nothing, but you know...). Good luck to you!

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BellaLux

I'm sorry you have to be here and understand how you feel. You are moving in the right direction and I hope you receive answers soon. Good luck!

katekat8721

You're in good company OP, I think we've all been there at one point or another. Take a little time to cry and be angry, then let it go. I've found you HAVE to stay positive in this journey or else it will destroy you. Make an appt with an RE, you'll feel a lot better once you start moving forward with their help. Best of luck to you

andy71781

This is a really good place for you.  I agree with PPs - call the RE and make an appointment.  GL!

Jbromberg1985

So sorry you have to be here, but you're definitely in good company.  I also agree with PP though... I did what you did and saw my OB, and I was lucky that she referred me straight to an RE.  Ever since I met with my RE, I've been so much happier and hopeful because I finally felt like I was being proactive.  Good luck!

lesleyzeb

I'll echo all the PPs! The year mark was definitely the hardest for me and that's when I brought up an RE to my husband and we started looking at the different practices in our area. Every step of that was hard because it was confronting the truth - that after a year, if it hadn't happened, it likely wouldn't without some help. After the first meeting, and getting all the tests done though, I started to feel better because I felt some hope that we were finally taking charge of the situation. It's good to grieve and perfectly ok to cry and wonder "why me?" It's frustrating when you think something is going to come easy and naturally and it doesn't.

Welcome to the board, and good luck with your testing and journey. The women here are a great resource and most have "been there, done that."