Trouble TTC
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Complete break down after TTC for a year.

My dh and I have been ttc for a year now. It started out so fun. Then as the months progressed and all these people around us starting getting pregnant we started to lose hope and it started to get more than frustrating.

My husband and I are both 24 and as far as we know we are very health and active. This past month I thought for sure was going to be the month! A couple days after what I thought was my ovulation day I had a dream. I was holding this perfect little baby girl. She was beautiful with perfectly pinchable chubby cheeks. I just remembering looking down on her and knowing she was mine. I thought for sure this was a sign!

 Then two days ago I started my period. My entire world shattered. I cried and cried. but I tried to pick myself up and stay positive. I made an appt for the gyno on Monday.  

 At work today was when I truly lost it. I was a little bored so I decided to look on facebook.  And there I saw it. My cousin announced that she is 3 months pregnant with her 2nd. I completely lost it. I had to go to the restroom and I just stood in the stall crying, sobbing, shaking.  I am finally feeling defeated. I feel like I have lost. I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I am disappointing my husband, my mom (who by the way has been begging for a grandbaby since we got married and now that her niece is pregnant with her 2nd its getting harder.) 

 I keep asking god for a sign a reason as to why this is happening. I know that he has a reason for everything but at the moment I am hurt and angry and I don't understand. I just want and need some hope. 

Re: Complete break down after TTC for a year.

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    I can't give you much in the way of hope, but I can say hi and welcome - you're in like company.

    Have you scheduled an appointment with an RE? That should be your first step/next step. You and YH need to start doing some fertility testing.

    Good luck, and I hope your stay here is short.

    Six years of infertility and loss, four IUIs, one IVF and one very awesome little boy born via med-free birth 10.24.13.
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    Agree with PP. Don't bother going to your gyn (unless you need a referral for insurance to an RE first). Go straight to an RE and start testing. Hopefully you will feel better once you start getting some answers and a plan together.

     I hope your stay here is short, but brace yourself for a long road ahead also. Good luck!

    ****CHILD/BFP WARNING****

    TTC since 2/11 - Unexplained IF B/W revealed high prolactin levels. Taking bromocriptine for prolactin.
    IUI #1-3 = BFN
    IVF #1 = Cancelled (undermedicated = small follicles)
    IVF #2 = ER 12/6 - 6R/4M/Only 1F
    Transfered our one and only blast (3AA) on 12/11 = BFP!

    Trying for Baby #2

    IVF#3 - 13 eggs retrieved, 7 fertilized. All 7 got a fungus and arrested.

    IVF#4 - February 2016 - 13 eggs retrieved. All arrested.

    IVF#5 - June 2016 - 12 eggs retrieved. All arrested. Told I need a donor egg.

    Changed REs.

    IVF #6 - September 2016 - T-priming, HGH, Lupon flare. 31 eggs retrieved!!! 12 made it to blast! Transferred 2 blasts (5AA, 4AA).

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    NeeseyNeesey member
    I fell apart at one year too. It does get better. I felt so much relief when I met with our RE. It felt great to let someone else be in charge. We all still have bad days but I don't cry like I used to. Welcome and I hope your day is short!!
    image 
     image image image
    TTC since 3/2011 Adenomyosis, LPD, hypothyroidism. 
    BFP on 7/20/12 after 4 cycles Clomid + IUI 
    2 large subchorionic hematomas & no heartbeat at 7w6d   
    D&E 8/18/12 Sonohysterography found septum and necrotic tissue.   
    Hysteroscopy to remove both 10/5
    IUI #5-7 50mg Clomid + trigger = BFN  
    IUI #8 Femara + Bravelle + HCG + Progesterone = BFP 3/27/13
    Beta 1 (13dpo) = 169  Beta 2 (17dpo) = 1073  No heartbeat at 9w3d. 
    D & C 5/10/13  Triploidy 69 (paternal inherited)
    IVF #1 with ICSI and PGS 11R 8M 5F 2 biopsied/frozen
    PGS results = 1 with trisomy 13 & 1 good embryo for FET 
    FET #1 EV, estrace, nitro patches.  Cancelled due to thin lining
    FET #1.2 oral estrace, f'ing nitro patches and no delestrogen.  Transfer 12/31. BFN
    PAIF/SAIF welcome
    Surprise BFP on 6/13/14  Our only unmedicated bfp ever.
    Beta #1 339  Beta #2 649 44 hour doubling time
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    Sony22Sony22 member

    We've been there... Welcome to the site.

    At this point, I would not blame God or ask him why. Making the gynecologist appointment was a good first step and you waited a year of trying like you should.

    I take it you've been using ovulation kits? Are you ovulating every month?

    A big piece of advice, DO NOT let your gyn start you on Clomid. Lately, we have been hearing sooooo many stories about this. It's definitely time to head to a reproductive endocrinologist (RE). My DH went to a urologist to be evaluated.

    I've felt the same and still struggle with the feelings of failure. All my life I've set goals and accomplished them. Now... here's this goal of creating a family... and it just doesn't seem to want to happen...

    Me 33. DH 32. TTC Since 6/2011. 12/2012-m/c, CP. DH: MFI. CCT/HSG/day 3 blood work-all nl. IVF#1 ER- 8/7/12, ET- 8/10. beta 8/25 neg, I did not respond as expected. AMH: 0.88. IVF#2 BCP-10/19. Micro flare Lupron-Nov: It's a bust. IVF#3 Planned for Feb '13 with a long lupron protocol ON OUR OWN!!! BFP- 1/12/13. Yay! EDD 9/18, now EDD 9/25
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    We all have bad days, just try to stay positive.

    I agree with PP about going right to an RE and get some initial testing done.

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    DX: PCOS/Recurrent losses/MTHFR mutation (compound hetero)
    5 hysteroscopies/2 surgical
    3 Inject IUIs = 2 m/c's and 1 BFN
    IVF #1= BFP. m/c at 7w6d. Needed 2 D&C's and scar tissue removal. Mild OHSS
    IVF #2 = BFP. Severe OHSS. 4 Drainings. TWINS!
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    I'm sorry you have to be here but this is a great community of women dealing with the same issues.  Lots of great wisdom and advice available here.  I definitely lost at the year mark as well.  There are days of complete devastation and then days full of positivity.  I agree with the others that you should just go to an RE.  I went to my ob/gyn at the year mark and for 5 more months.  I feel like we just wasted a bunch of time.  They don't know how to get you pregnant, just how to handle you when you get to that point.  Go to the ob/gyn if you need a referral for an RE. GL and I hope you get some answers/results soon.
    2 year TTC journey with successful IVF in Nov 2012- B/G Twins!
    Baby Boy diagnosed with omphalocele and diaphragmatic hernia
    Born at 32 weeks due to PROM.  Emergency c-section due to prolapsed cord.
    Said Goodbye to our sweet Bennett after 5 short hours.  
    Spent 35 days in the NICU with our little girl.

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    I am so sorry you are dealing with this, but as PP's have said, you're in similar company. After I saw my RE, had my tests, and had a plan, I felt so much better. I felt like I was taking charge of this situation rather than passively waiting and doing nothing (well, not that I'd been doing nothing, but you know...). Good luck to you!
    ---------------Siggy Warning--------------------


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    Me: 32, DH: 34  / TTC since February 2011 / SA: all normal, HSG: all clear! / on Lovenox for anticardiolipid antibodies
    4 IUIs with Clomid, Letrozole, and Menopur. All BFN.
    9/12: lap / hysteroscopy: found and removed mild endometriosis, cervical polyp, and 2 para-tubular cysts
    5/13 IVF #1: Follistim, Menopur, Ganirelix, 10R/4M/4F, ET of 2, 5 cell and 4 cell, no frosties = BFN
    12/13 IVF #2 = November / December 2013. Microdose Lupron Protocol: 15R/6M/6F, Froze all 6 due to high E2 and P4
    FET 1: Jan 22, 2014 of one 4AB blast and one 3BB blast (3 blasts on ice!)
    BFP on HPT 4dp5dt, Beta #1 9dp5dt: 310, Beta #2 11dp5dt: 899
    First u/s on 2/17/14: TWINS!!!!! both w/HBs of 114 at 6w3d, HBs 150 and 152 at 7w5d

    5/27/2014: Team purple!!!!  EDD 10/10/2014 / 
    Delivered by c-section at 32w0d 8/15/2014 due to preeclampsia/HELLP syndrome
    Baby Boy 4lbs 1oz, 17 inches
    Baby Girl 3lbs 5oz, 16 inches


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    I'm sorry you have to be here and understand how you feel. You are moving in the right direction and I hope you receive answers soon. Good luck!

    ~TTC#1 Since July 2011~ 
    Dx: Fibroids & Tubal Infertility
                                                        9/12 -IVF#1 =BFN; 5/14 -IVF#2=BFP:-) EDD 2.19.2015                                                

    S/PAIF Welcome 





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    You're in good company OP, I think we've all been there at one point or another. Take a little time to cry and be angry, then let it go. I've found you HAVE to stay positive in this journey or else it will destroy you. Make an appt with an RE, you'll feel a lot better once you start moving forward with their help. Best of luck to you

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    This is a really good place for you.  I agree with PPs - call the RE and make an appointment.  GL!
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    So sorry you have to be here, but you're definitely in good company.  I also agree with PP though... I did what you did and saw my OB, and I was lucky that she referred me straight to an RE.  Ever since I met with my RE, I've been so much happier and hopeful because I finally felt like I was being proactive.  Good luck!
    Skylar Elena and Hollyn Isabella... our two beautiful blessings arrived April 18, 2013!
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    I'll echo all the PPs! The year mark was definitely the hardest for me and that's when I brought up an RE to my husband and we started looking at the different practices in our area. Every step of that was hard because it was confronting the truth - that after a year, if it hadn't happened, it likely wouldn't without some help. After the first meeting, and getting all the tests done though, I started to feel better because I felt some hope that we were finally taking charge of the situation. It's good to grieve and perfectly ok to cry and wonder "why me?" It's frustrating when you think something is going to come easy and naturally and it doesn't.

    Welcome to the board, and good luck with your testing and journey. The women here are a great resource and most have "been there, done that." 

    TTC since 1/11. "Unexplained" IF. 6/12 - 50mg Clomid + TI = BFN. 7/12 and 8/12 - 50mg Clomid + IUI = BFN. Taking a break and planning for a final IUI before the end of the year, but back to considering adoption. Repeat AMH of 0.67, ouch. 3rd try 10/12 - 100mg Clomid and back-to-back IUIs = BFP!
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