If you are done having kids ...

StacieJane

How did you KNOW you didn't want any more, and when did you make that decision?

H is one hundred percent done at two. He's always said this, and still feels that way now that we have two. I'm a little harder to pin down. My BFF says that the fact that I don't know if I'm done means that I'm not done!

What was your experience like?

Meg&Jesse

We had always talked about just 2 and were set on that.  Then when I got pregnant again I am very certain I am done with 2.  Being pregnant and having a toddler is something I am not interested in every doing again!  I also know myself very well and know that I can be the mom I want to be physically, mentally, and emotionally with 2 children. 

DH has suggested having another one and when we found out we were having another boy said we should have one more to try for a girl.  I think he is joking with me most of the time, but perhaps part of him is serious.  Although once this little boy is here I am sure he will change his mind.  DH worries more about the financial aspect and he will start to realize that 3 would be too much.

I kind of agree that if you don't know for sure, maybe you do want more.  I think I went through quite a bit of "soul searching" to accept the fact that 2 is all I can do.  I feel very settled with the idea of our family and 2 little boys.  I have never had an image of our family consisting of more than that!

 

 

TiffanyBerry

I'm not yet certain we're one and done, but I realized recently, I'm waiting for my brain to say "no, no more kids!" when I should just as equally be listening for "yes, more kids" and notice, in my case, that it is NOT saying the later.  since it's such a huge unknown impact on the future, I'm not sure that my brain is every going to give me a "no" it just won't give me a "yes".  if that makes sense.

lady_tytah

We have the classic one boy one girl. Our kids will be spaced happily apart (5 yrs). We always knew it would be no more than 3, but how hard I am having it this pregnancy we are happy with 2. With 2 I am able to stay home for at least the first 6 months-yr. (I wont be working but I will be going to school.)
I am getting Essure and wont be looking back. Even though we're only 24&25, we know what we have planned out and financially are able to provide ourselves with lots of kids extra curricular and vacations/traveling. Something that is important to the whole family.

poison489

I always only wanted two.  DH wanted only one unless we could be sure that we had one of each gender.  Aren't we lucky after having a planned boy our little surprise pregnancy turned out to be a girl.  DH is planning on getting the snip done before our little girl arrives.  I still think on occasion, what if we want more later, but I also like to look at it from the environmental and financial standpoint,  Zero population growth and kids can be expensive.  Two is a good number.

EmilyStL

I too think your friend is on to something when she says that if you were done, it wouldn't be such a big question for you.  I thought for a long time that I wanted to be "one and done," but now I have baby fever big time, and I spend a lot of time thinking about whether we should have another or not.  I know deep down that this means that emotionally I'm not done.  Realistically and logistically, "one and done" might still be the right choice for us, though, and that's another thing to come to terms with.

kcisthebombdotcom

We're trying to have our last right now, and we know that will be our last. We only have a 3BR house so a fourth wouldn't work unless we could magically be assured we'd have 2 boys/2 girls. We never plan on upgrading to a 4BR as they're crazy expensive in my area.

When my 2nd was 5 months old, we both still only wanted 2 kids. Your friend is right-things may change with time.

drcolleen

I'm no help because I have this nagging thought that I want a third, I have always wanted a bigger family as I had 1 sister and wanted a brother--I had thought 3 would be good (statistically families with no more than 3 children are the happiest, happiness begins to decrease with the 4th and subsequent children--DH is big on statistics).  DH on the other hand had never wanted more than 2, population growth, blah, blah,blah.  And right now, I honestly depend on him for a LOT of childcare responsibilities, he stays home with the girls during the days teaching part time but this is is because I am Military.  As I think about the next 2 years there will be a lot of changes -- I'll get out in 2 years-- so I want to leave the door open for a 3rd, he has said "if you were the one staying home....." so we'll see, I can find a great part time or shift work type of job and maybe talk him into another.... time will tell I figure, or else we will settle into toddler/school age kids and love the lack of baby-toting.

GL in figuring it out, I hate it when there is no "right" answer! 

tlew12778

I'm 99.9% sure we are done. I will be 34y8m when DS is born and always said I wanted to be done by 35. DD and DS will be 3y8m apart.

This pregnancy has been a lot harder on my body than my pregnancy with DD which was already very difficult. I do not, in all honesty, think I can do this again. BC we will have one of each, I'm more at peace with the decision but I can't say I'd go for a third had this one been a girl.

I am considering and IUD for 5 years then essure.  

katiewhompus

I am logically done but not emotionally. We came into some debt after DD came and would need to pay that off. Plus if I stayed at my current job I would need to use 0 sick days for 5 years (which is impossible) in order to have a partially paid leave. By then H would be 43/44 and we aren't sure we want a newborn at that point.

Jena503

I wanted 3 originally. DH wasn't completely against it, but was more comfortable with 2. Turned out we needed fertility treatments to get pg... which means $$$. We did that twice. We agreed that we could not afford to do it again. However, I refused to take hormonal birth control and told DH if he felt strongly against #3 he should do something about it because I was willing to play the odds (hey, 8 years of unprotected sex and no pg made me cocky!)

So we played the odds but never expected to get pg. Mentally, I reached a place where I was ready to be done. Not in a "no more ever!" sort of way, but in a place where I was at peace with it and starting to look forward to leaving the baby years behind.

Hahahaha. Fate is fickle. And that's how I find myself "accidentally" knocked up at the ripe old age of 38. DH will turn 43 before this one arrives. And honestly finding out that I was pg really threw me for a loop. I was always happy about it, but the shock of it was just overwhelming.

Anyway, the point of my long winded story is that if you THINK you are done at two, given some time you can probably accept that. I don't think that because you don't know right now, it necessarily means you want more.

ETA: this time we are so sure we are done that DH has a vasectomy scheduled for this week.

Soon2BMrsN

We always said we wanted two, and as soon as we (unexpectedly) got PG with DS2, we said we were certainly done.  BUT I haven't made the appointment to get my tubal ligation yet, and when I brought it up to DH just this weekend, he said he didn't want to rush into anything.  Soooo... I guess I don't know if we're done.  We probably are, but I guess there's that 5% chance we might want another one someday.

MajorBaggage

I knew the secondI found out I was KU'd with #2.

twocents6708

Not sure yet but a part of me is very content with just having one child. I have PCOS so we are blessed just to have DD. We have discussed waiting  two years and try again but if we dont get pregnant within a year or so, we both agreed that DD would be an only child and spoiled rotten