I am not always gentle when I put my kid down for a nap

MagickalNarwhal

My son is 4 months and has always been a consistently mediocre sleeper (has slept about 12 hours a day from birth, MAAAAAYYYYBE 13 if we get relaly really lucky). Usually he naps in a carrier, or we rock/sing/snugle him down and either let him stay on the bed, or put him in his crib. he naps for 45 min on the dot, and we have found that putting him down after about 1.5 hrs awake time works best. He used to nap in a swing but has sort of grown out of that.

He sometimes goes right to sleep. But, increasingly, he's been fighting it. He's very tired, but I find if I hold him firmly, let him scream and cry for a minute or two, he falls asleep. If given the choice, I'd prefer his falling asleep process to be gentle and I don't want to create negative sleep associations. That said, I usually only do this when I can't get him to sleep the "usual" ways, and/or I've been trying for more than 20 or 25 mins to get him down.

Any thoughts? I feel like he NEEDS that sleep so bad or else he turns into an overtired mess for the rest of the day. But I also feel like I'm forcing him to scream and wail and, well, I hate that.

3003girl

lol - I've totally done the "hold the baby while she fights off sleep to the death" thing. Usually in the rocking chair. 

Honestly, it was the only way I could get her to *stop moving* so that she would settle down enough to sleep. I also swaddled at times, but she also fought that. It does suck. I talked to my MIL and apparently she did the same thing to DH for naps until he was 2!

Some kiddos need to cry a bit to release energy before they sleep. As long as you aren't doing it out of anger and are not rough with him I don't see a problem with it.  

You could also try wrapping - that worked for us sometimes.  

laura.noel

My 4 month old is a cry-to-sleeper, too! I think it is exactly what PP said- they are just trying to get the last of their energy out before they fall asleep. I usually rock him in the rocking chair and let him fuss, and after a few minutes, like you said, he calms down and falls asleep. I usually let him sleep on me for 5 or 10 minutes before trying to put him down.

Does your LO cry to fall asleep in a carrier, too? Mine, does, but not always, and not for as long. He also doesn't do it when he nurses to sleep, but he doesn't sleep or eat very well when he does this too often, so we reserve it for bedtime and when he is really upset about something (shots, noisy construction next door, etc.).

I don't think there's anything wrong with it, I think it's just something kids do. If your LO seems happy the rest of the day, no worries. 

Harper'smom

fredalina:

Oh, God, yes! I used to have to pin her tiny little arms down and rock rock rock. She was and is a very active kiddo and I agree that I think they have to get that energy out. Also looking back I don't think I was that great at detecting her tired signs and she may have been overtired as an infant. I got better around 6 to 8 months and I had to "fight" her less at bedtime.

This and I do it with #2 as well, either rocking or bouncing in the sleepy wrap. We did it sovmuch with #1 that we coined the term "nubbing out". If I start rocking #2 earlier it is better but because of being busy with #1 I can't always jump on her sleep cues. 

MagickalNarwhal

Thanks, glad to know I'm not the only one, and that I'm not causing some kind of awful and avoidable permanent damage.

NineTwentyOhEight

I am just lurking here, and not sure if this is anti-AP, but at 4 months my daughter started doing the crazy struggle while I tried rocking her to sleep thing. It was such a fight and one day I just felt at my wit's end and I said "I don't know what you want, I love you, but I have to put you down" and I put her in her crib. She flipped to her belly and went right to sleep. I learned that that kind of protest meant she was ready to be left alone to sleep. I don't think I ever rocked her to sleep again, she just wasn't having it...except for once in a great while when she might drift off while nursing...

That said, my kid is just not a cuddly snuggly baby and never has been...

boogerbearoriginal

I am just lurking here, and not sure if this is anti-AP, but at 4 months my daughter started doing the crazy struggle while I tried rocking her to sleep thing. It was such a fight and one day I just felt at my wit's end and I said "I don't know what you want, I love you, but I have to put you down" and I put her in her crib. She flipped to her belly and went right to sleep. I learned that that kind of protest meant she was ready to be left alone to sleep. I don't think I ever rocked her to sleep again, she just wasn't having it...except for once in a great while when she might drift off while nursing...

That said, my kid is just not a cuddly snuggly baby and never has been...

AP is about respecting your child as a person, and listening to them - I would say letting her fall asleep how she wants to is very AP.

OP - my LO fights sleep like a madman if he gets overtired. And we go through a similar thing of me holding him close and basically forcing him to sleep because he's so overstimulated he struggles to unwind. You may want to try putting him down sooner to see if that helps. 

meg_2006

We had to do this when he was younger.  I always felt so cruel, but it worked.  It's kind of what they get in a swaddle, though.

elainedave

Not sure if this will help, but at around 5 months, music started to help calm my LO down. He wouldn't necessarily fall asleep to it, but he would stop crying and fussing within a minute or so. It kind of shocked me the first time (how quickly it worked) and now I put it on when he won't settle down for naps. It works about 3/4 of the time. Anyhow, I started playing Angelique Kidjo or Pandora lullabies, for what it's worth Good luck!

megastar007

We call it "the sleeper hold"... And I just had to use it